If They Don't Love You Back Watch This

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If your partner leaves you alone and confused -- only to convince you everything's great the next time they come around, you're getting jerked around. "Trauma bonding" happens when love is alternatingly given and withhold, and it can alter your perception and weaken your ability to detect red flags. In this video I teach how to spot this tendency and how to take your power back.
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[Wormwoodification]

I'm literally shaking because of the sudden flashback. I didn't know a trauma bond was this. That this was all emotional abuse. The validation is mind boggling. I've spent the past 6 years trying to 'heal myself' thinking it's all on me.

[Px]

"Only trauma has convinced you that you can somehow make do without this basic level of love and consideration." The last 10 years of my life, if not longer. Finally getting out.

[josiecamilo]

Emotional abuse is never ok. Don't accept it. When they disappear disconnect and heal. Life is too short to be with someone that only hurts you continuously.

[Word-Smithy]

Solid advice. Ending it will hurt at first but you will never regret clearing space in your life for happier days -- even if you're single.

[kimslone]

Key: Recognize abuse. Your advice to her is totally correct. She needs to see how she's feeling and realize she deserves to be respected. Period.

[sarag]

I remember those days.
Disappearing is a definite trigger for me. Disregulation galore.
Not being partnered solved that problem.
It sounds like the original letter writer needs to get the f out of that relationship.
It is not worth the good times to tolerate the blatant disrespect.

[KRAZEEIZATION]

When you feel unloved or neglected by someone you love answer this question:- is it really them or is it that you’re looking for something that doesn’t exist? Someone that really loves you is honest with you, has your best interests at heart and does not take you for granted. It has to be mutual or else it will always be painful, unfulfilling and worst of all, you’re life is wasting away. It’s best to walk and suffer now because pain won’t last forever and in time you’ll be better, happier and available to meet a more suitable partner.

[virgomoon]

Sound advice on this one. She validated my experience with the silent treatment, and I left my abuser back in 2020. I was simply tired of being ignored, invalidated and devalued, nothing is worse than someone flat out treating you like you don’t exist. You deserve better than that. The trauma bond is the hardest part. You just have to remember none of it was “real” and the future faking and love bombing was the reality.

[jenniferv]

"Trauma bond relationships are like an addiction" 👍

[eddierayvanlynch]

6:55 - "I'll adapt to the pain"

Well, there's a huge chunk of childhood.
Anna's slinging Truth around again.

[jeannedawson]

It feels really good to walk away from this type of relationship and not look back, just wish I had done it sooner!

[luzvez]

omg ! i never knew this is considered emotional abuse, i do this too but with my friendships fortunately i’m not in a relationship but i never do this out of spite it’s just my coping mechanism for feeling so overwhelmed & depressed. i feel terrible about it every time & apologise my friends. Gosh this cpstd is ruining my life. i wish i wasn’t born into a dysfunctional family.

[TranscendingTrauma]

Yes the intensity is intensified by the intermittent reinforcement. Every time she sees him after he rejects and abandons her it’s like resurrecting a ghost. You are just so grateful to see them. A very addicting and unhealthy pattern. True love considers the other partner. I understand avoidance, I understand trauma, I also understand the power of being a decent loving considerate human being.

[paulaneary]

WOW, great statement, "time to direct all your patience and kindness inward." Yes please, I think I shall!

[lynneivison]

Hi Helen, I think you certainly came to the right place. I can so relate to being in a relationship which is painful - I had to let go of a partner when I was 56 years old - wow, that was really difficult and I put up with him stealing from me, making excuses because he paid me back and told me he loved me. Finally, I phoned the Samaritans in UK and a woman said 'They are just words, do you want this man to ruin your life?' Wow, I had not made that connection between words and action before. The aloneness, as my family is not present, was excruciating, but learning how not to be lonely, even when living alone, has been the most wonderful experience, full of difficulties, and it has taken me a long time to reach this point. If you are looking for a partner, you are losing precious time. I am not looking for a partner. If you have a God, ask for help. I spent years in London which I loathed as a country girl, and I said all day 'please help me, please please help me' as I went into the metro. The help came, but not in my time, and I now live in a peaceful cottage in France. If you do not have a God, act 'as if' or ask for belief. Perhaps you want neither. But I am sure you will find the love you are looking for - I did, but it was a love for my God, my vocation and life. And as someone who had always been suicidal that was quite a long march. 'The wheels of God are slow'. Nobody should give advice, but hey, what the heck, 'run as if your life depended on it'. You have learned something about love, now take it with you and put it into real practice. I will keep you in my thoughts today.

[jillainenewman]

If you haven't already, maybe you could do a video on what's it's like to be "ghosted" when you're a C-PTSD sufferer. I have been devastated by it.

[surdogal]

Thank you, so validating. Deep down I thought it was my lack of patience and anger outbursts that were the whole problem but I was just getting repeatedly triggered then shamed. 21 years later, the house is sold and I’m moving on don’t wait - it never gets better when they don’t have any insight into the problem or are have some awareness but so nothing to help improve things. Doing that is like treading water - I can’t wait to finally have my own place and put all my energy into myself and my well-being.

[eeedeee]

I just got out of a relationship like this, we both had cptsd and we met in group therapy. It was so painful each time he left me, and it was making me unwell in ways I didn’t realise. I will always cherish him because we truly did have a deep connection and love- but learning that he would never change for me is the best thing I’ve ever done. As soon as I felt settled he’d leave again, He couldn’t understand that I loved him. I’m free now to be independent and to fall in love with myself :) good luck to this person, I promise you will find love again

[r.p.]

Yesterday, I discovered for myself that I love the " absence" of them and this allows me to put my imagination on fire and feel absolutely great about it. My mind tells me that this is not right but the feeling is awesome. I traced this back to my childhood and the absence of dad for years at the time during my early childhood. Loving the lack of someone, loving the empty space is a drug of choice as the Peace is absolute. What to do? Not much. Only realize this and see what happens. This makes me act towards interaction for a start. Real interaction with real people... This is the opposite of absence and illusion.

[jillainenewman]

I was "seeing" a guy who disappeared for weeks at a time. Finally I put an end to it. I love him and it was a really hard thing to do.