Are you in love or are you in trauma?

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[TheHolisticPsychologist]

Hi #selfhealers,

My apologies for the sound in this video. I didn't realize my mic was not connected until I uploaded the video. Sound will be a priority on the next batch of videos! Thank you for being here.
Nicole

[ItCantRainForever]

If we don't change our toxic behavior our past becomes our future.

[karenturner]

On point perspective!...my husband and I have gone through this. Initially in a trauma bond (not fun!). Once we worked out our own traumas thru individual therapy, the relationship we have now is unbelievable!!!! A much more mature relationship and I love the fact that we are not responsible for each other's happiness. Once you heal you can never go back to the old ways of relating with people/relationships. My only regret is I wish I had done this sooner!!! Warmest regards.

[Orthodoxi]

Trying to bond with someone in trauma is bizarre because they don’t ever see you, they only see the trauma they are projecting on you. The more you try to love that person from outside of trauma, the more their trauma grows.

I realized eventually there was nothing there for me but that person using me to confirm his trauma. Real love and authentic connection had no chance. That’s when it all ended because he couldn’t or wouldn’t face his trauma to heal.

I literally had no idea this was going on and it took me four years to figure it out.

The person in trauma wants to love and they do love but it is buried under the trauma which controls them and blocks all healthy connection.

It’s like trying to get water from a well that has a concrete cap. The water is there, but you can’t get it out.

With love this gets very confusing but love is recognized, as all things are, by its fruit. If there is no fruit after one season, there never will be unless that person commits to getting help from a healer.

Now I’m free to find real love.

Hard lesson.

[sfynxci]

The ending was reassuring. Trauma coupling can evolve into bonding. Beautiful.

[FeonaLeeJones]

Unless our parents were enlightened beings who meditated daily and really held space for their kids to have and express their needs, most people are traumatized.

[KarinaLicursi]

Anytime I spot push-pull, mind games, highs, or any pattern I had been used to I almost immediately dump the person. It’s gotten easier as I keep reminding myself what my ideal relationship would look like, and what my boundaries are. So relevant. Earlier this year I burned a list with all the names of guys I was attracted to or dated in the past, and asked the universe for the opposite. I’m getting ready for it. Thank you 🙏🏻🤗

[mademoisellevee]

"This is nothing to be shameful of."

Had me in tears.

Thank you for this. Bless you.

[justkeepbreathing]

whats horrible is that because we experienced these traumas from the people we first bonded to, our caregivers, who where supposed to give us love and care but gave us abuse
this abuse feels comforting. continuing these patterns feels comforting because it was the only love we received
i find myself trying so hard to reparent myself but its difficult when im in regression states because it so strongly feels like i WANT abuse/self abuse, because it familiar, its comforting, it feels safest.
its horrible and so hard. to feel like i want something that i dont want
but this is why it happens again and again. and its so hard to break this cycle. Its poignant to me.. because all we want is safe clean love and we have been warped into being a mold that feels like it only fits with the toxic.
I wish i can be strong enough to make better choices for myself.

[jancem]

I have an attachment trauma. Fearful avoidant. And just recently i realized its because of emotionally unavailable parents. Im in pain. I have resentments for them that i need to let go. I keep crying. :(

[saintswanted]

every single person that’s nice to me is like a father to me

[emilyzena]

I really appreciate how you condense a lot of complex psychological issues into your videos and don't waste people's time as many creators of similar content do on YouTube. Really helpful, bite-size chunks of information which let people decide what they want to learn more about/get help with.

[sarabovo]

Women who love too much is a must-read

[DarthxErik]

It's taken me several years of therapy and being out of my parent's home to realize this was the direction I was heading in -- replicating the dynamic between my mom and I. Thanks for the video. I think at this point in my healing I no longer attract nor accept people who remind me emotionally of my mother. It's still a work-in-progress, but I can see how codependent I was in the past and how far I've come. Healing is possible!

[BetcT]

FINALLY!!!! Someone connecting all the freakin DOTS!!!
Everything resonated!
My parents were ALL the examples!
I have in therapy (on/off) and meds for almost 20 years, since @ age 30.
I turn 50 next year, I’ve been on a crazy healing torpedo!!
I am currently transmuting so much energy from my childhood.
Thank goddess my wife and I are both on our healing journeys....together but separate. (I happened to manifest a nice long stay in Puerto Rico ❤️)
My baby sister is a curandera and has been my healer, my teacher. She has turned in to one of my best friends. (Didn’t really know what that meant until recently) Our experiences with our parents are so completely different and both so abusive!! I have been able to let them go, in the parental role, because I KNOW their childhoods were pretty messed up too. They have been married over 50 years, they had 8 children together. We were the Perfect Catholic Family. We are all musicians and singers. We WERE the church choir. He’s a narcissist, she is co dependent..so many stories...



ANYWHOOOO.... I really feel blessed to have found you. Divine timing my sister. I appreciate you, your work, all of the healing that you are going to help the collective with.

[Casper_Cassie]

It's always good to hear that it's possible to heal. I've got a long history of trauma bonds with people in my life...I've done a lot of healing on my own, it's just really hard when meeting new people to tell if I'm repeating old patterns and I haven't really healed as much as I thought I had, or if it's just paranoia.

[inkypunk]

I had a trauma bond with my best friend. We actually did bond because we were going through a really hard time, and the worse things got, the more we were like "yes this is our thing, enduring it together" (oh boy). I had to be in really dark place with a really awful person (not my friend) to hit rock bottom to realise I needed to get out and change my approach to relationships, because I was going to lose her and I couldn't have that, also all these toxic people were taking up all my energy and I was dead on my feet. Thankfully, she's still in my life and still my most favourite human, but I behave in a much healthier way with her now. I thought I was being very affectionate and trusting when I leaned on her for emotional support, but I see now I was trying too hard to please her and being super clingy, and that puts a lot of pressure on the other person. Poor thing must have been exhausted 🙈

[phoebemcdonell]

This it the truest thing ever! I have an extremely withdrawn father, and a mother who is both conflicted and unpredictable. I was very confused as a child... however growing into adulthood I thought I was totally normal. By 22, I meet a guy that matched all 3 criteria and felt a deep deep attachment to him. It was like nothing else, the connection I felt towards this man was insane. He ended up being emotionally abusive and dragging me along on an emotional rollercoaster. I didn’t know how to get off, I felt stuck. I loved him, but I knew we were unhealthy for each other. He would abuse, and break up with me on countless occasions, but I couldn’t let go. It finally ended this year and I sought out some therapy. My therapist pointed out my pattern and now I’m working on how to break my cycle 😊

[danieldouglas]

love this subject. such a poorly understood dynamic that exists a lot. I remember falling in love and then both of us being so deeply triggered by each other to the point i came to the conclusion was broken and unable to connect. when in hindsight it was a trauma bond.

[hannahrg]

this randomly showed up on my home screen and i could not be more grateful 💗 the last few minutes have made me hopeful for the future. thank you !!!