You Need To Stop Gaslighting Yourself

Dr. K’s Guide to Mental Health explores Anxiety, Depression, ADHD, and Meditation with 150+ video chapters in a Final Fantasy-inspired skilltree.

#shorts #drk #mentalhealth

[blueeagle]

"No one remembers when I do good and no one forgets when I do wrong "

[Actionme]

That patient is asking the right questions.

[audreydoyle]

Yep. One Thursday afternoon, I finished studying early because I felt prepared for my exam the next day. My step father asked why I wasn't at the dinner table, studying. Told him why. He said "ok, if you don't get 100%, then you have to study for an extra hour every day next week, including Friday, and I might take your phone away, ". Walked in Friday afternoon and he bombarded me straight away with "what you get?". I said "the highest mark in my class: 97%, ". Instead of expressing pride, he asked "what happened to the other 3%?"

It wasn't that I felt responsible for his happiness. Don't care if he perishes in a deep, dank ditch alone, or lives to suffer till 99. I felt like I was damned if I did, damned if I didn't. My hobbies, largely laughed at and thrown away. My awards, called BS awards and ignored. My As and Bs, overlooked for my Cs and Ds. No wonder I struggle to achieve anything now. My accomplishments meant nothing to my immediate family, so why would they matter to anyone else?

Does it matter that I'm over a year and a half sober from weed? How about that I'm back in school, getting distinctions? That I intend to read 50 books next year, starting with Learned Optimism by Martin Seligman and Marcus Aurelius' Meditations? What about my duolingo streak of over 700 days, and the fact that I have not used a single streak freeze since mid December last year, meaning I have practiced my second language for almost an entire year straight?

I am beginning to learn how to be happy with my realistically achievable level of "good enough". Even if something is not complete, or to your standard of complete, remind yourself what you've achieved today and thus far is good enough. You're alive; that is good enough reason to believe you've done well.

[Danka]

My parents' favourite area of gaslighting was forbidding negative emotions because "I'm too smart for that". I guess only dumb people get angry, or sad, or scared...
In therapy I came to a realization that when I'm angry, I don't even feel it. I have the physical "symptoms" of anger, I react as an angry person, but I don't even know until I find myself confused by my own behaviour and try to analyze the emotion. It feels very bizzare to have to read my body language like an outside observer.

[elyse]

Parents can be emotionally immature also which is more evident as we age. How we talk to ourself is so important.

[iStayMelee]

Its giving "my parents only watch when i miss a goal and look away when i score one" energy

[KanohiVahi]

"Of course you made a mistake. You're learning and when people learn they make mistakes" 🔥 So good!

[GodandCarrotluv]

“And when people learn, they make mistakes” 😤💨💙

[paperip]

That test thing is something I've been learning about, too. When you grow up being taught that all mistakes are failure, and all failure is unacceptable... what you actually learn is that there isn't a reason to try. Why bother working hard to get 80% on a difficult exam, when the results will be exactly the same as getting 30% or 0%?

That, or you develop a very detrimental degree of perfectionism. Everything you do must be flawless, so you devote an unreasonable amount of time to things that don't matter and burdening yourself with mountains of unnecessary stress.

[Burns_LivingFlowers]

My parents have been controlling most of the things in my life from studies to relationships to the point I had given up on my desires and that made me depressed. Then they ask me why I don't smile or talk to them. I answer them you actually don't care about my happiness, so don't pretend to care. Then they call me the ungrateful child.

[sparklingdaisy]

I was berated, made to feel like the biggest idiot ever for making mistakes growing up. I was even severely punished for making mistakes no matter how big or small they were. It carried over to adulthood, now i punish myself and berate myself for making mistakes. I always think im going to get severely punished at work for making mistakes even though they're minor. It sucks so much.

[yuppers]

When Kathy Bates won her first Oscar for Best Actress for "Misery, " her mother said "I don't know what all the excitement is about, you didn't discover the cure for cancer."
Parents, man .. nothing can please some of them. Best to use your own measure of success.

[Cheybits]

I wrote a beautiful short story for my English class one year. We were to write about a personal experience that changed us internally. I wrote about my fathers stroke and my amazing English teacher said she read it twice and gave me an A+. When I took my paper home that day to show my mom, she immediately told me “you should’ve wrote it this way.” She couldn’t help herself. I went straight to my room. My older brother came in moments later and said “don’t feel bad, mom shouldn’t have said that. She should have congratulated you and left it at that.” Do not ever let a narcissist tell you that your success is wrong.

[Noen-]

This is why I have a phobia of teachers. It doesn't matter how easy something is, if an authoritative person is trying to teach me something, my brain becomes a brick wall. I do things best when I'm on my own.

[Cwahsawnt]

Absolutely true. Perfectionist parents.

[maryp]

This is what happened to me. My parents were never able to go to school (dropped out in middle school) and they moved to the US so they had high expectations for my brother and I since we were doing all that they couldn’t. They enforced all their standards onto my brother first, which he defied and never tried in school. I was the ‘good’ kid and the do-over since I was the quiet one. I always found it odd how they expected me to get straight A’s when my brother was failing. Instead of raising two B-C grade kids they raised an A and an F. I always felt the pressure to get the grades that my brother never had, since I was the quiet and “good one” after all. They failed me since I’ve had 4 hospitalizations for attempts and my brother is just coasting in life, doing whatever and being care-free.

[kaiwagner]

Rip to my childhood 😅 setting unrealistic goals for myself makes me realize I am still allowing my family to control my life and worth.

[Sayu]

Hit the nail on the head. Worst part is how even after meeting some "requirements" they raise the bar. It's an impossible game and everyone's miserable.

One day I just snapped and had a moment of clarity: I didn't have to put up with this the rest of my life and I could support myself if I left. So I did. Packed my bags and left. My life is nothing like what they had planned for me and I've never been happier 🙂

[wisdomlounge]

The "gaslighting" described in this video is just a normal part of modern life in Japan and you get it everywhere, not just your parents and family but society itself, wherever you go whether it's school, your job etc.It's not simply about risking letting someone down but also facing the possibility of being shunned and ostracized by those within these various domains in one's life, leading to that country having among the highest suicide rates in the world. That's sad!

[juniperstardust]

Nobody's happiness is depended on you, is THEIR responsibility to achieve THEIR happiness, you focus on your happiness and don't let them drain you of your beautiful energy and precious time. YOU decide who you give YOUR energy and YOUR love to. Let us keep leveling up brothers.