Behavioral Activation- How to Get Motivated to Do Stuff that You Don't Want to Do. Anxiety Course 30

In this video you’ll learn about the mental block that holds so many people back in anxiety and especially depression, and the essential skill to break that cycle. It's the key to getting motivated. It's called behavioral activation. It’s all about getting yourself to do stuff that’s good for you but you don’t feel like it. So in this video you’ll learn how to break the cycle of depression or immobilization, with behavioral activation.

When you’re depressed you don’t really feel like doing anything that will help you, not only does it sound like a lot of work and you’re exhausted, but also, you just don’t feel like it. You don't feel motivated.

-“If I don’t feel like being social, so I won’t go out today”
- “If I feel anxious about having a hard conversation, it’s probably not worth the effort”
-Getting showered and dressed sounds exhausting, so I’m just going to stay in my pajamas all day, but then when I’m invited to do something - I feel insecure because I didn’t get dressed so I don’t go, and when I go to the store I know I look slobby so when I run into someone I know I don’t talk to them because I’m embarrassed, then I go home and feel even worse than before.

Behaviors lead to a cycle of lower mood
It’s easy to see this tendency we have when we’re anxious or depressed, we tend to pull back, to withdraw from things, including stuff we used to enjoy. And this makes you feel worse, and that perpetuates the cycle, making you withdraw more. And your motivation decreases.
I think people always assume the thought or emotion leads to the behavior, but behaviors also lead to emotions.

During Covid, lockdowns changed our behaviors - we spent more time alone, we couldn’t go out with friends, and many of the activities that brought us pleasure were out of reach. And, by simply changing our behavior, many people felt a change in mood. Rates of depression and anxiety approximately doubled to the point where around 40% of people reported symptoms and many people attempted to cope with substance abuse. This change in mental health had nothing to do with our inherent biology, it had to do with our behaviors.

I feel sad so I won’t go out, so then I feel sadder, so then I won’t go out more, so then I feel sadder.

But if simply suppressing behaviors causes mood changes, simply adding in behaviors can also cause mood changes. Have you ever gone out with friends, even though you weren’t feeling like it, and by the time you were done, you were feeling way better?

Therapy in a Nutshell and the information provided by Emma McAdam are solely intended for informational and entertainment purposes and are not a substitute for advice, diagnosis, or treatment regarding medical or mental health conditions. Although Emma McAdam is a licensed marriage and family therapist, the views expressed on this site or any related content should not be taken for medical or psychiatric advice. Always consult your physician before making any decisions related to your physical or mental health.
In therapy I use a combination of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Systems Theory, positive psychology, and a bio-psycho-social approach to treating mental illness and other challenges we all face in life. The ideas from my videos are frequently adapted from multiple sources. Many of them come from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, especially the work of Steven Hayes, Jason Luoma, and Russ Harris. The sections on stress and the mind-body connection derive from the work of Stephen Porges (the Polyvagal theory), Peter Levine (Somatic Experiencing) Francine Shapiro (EMDR), and Bessel Van Der Kolk. I also rely heavily on the work of the Arbinger institute for my overall understanding of our ability to choose our life's direction.

Copyright Therapy in a Nutshell, LLC

[gweasley]

I’m so proud that even though it was hard for me today, I got up and took a shower, even though I had no plans, did some self-care, and texted a friend. Deep depression is no joke and the littlest things can be huge successes.

[TreasureDeal]

Because of circumstances I'm renting a room in a friend's home. This place is dirty. She's always talking about how we will get on it and work on the kitchen. I've cleaned in the kitchen to a certain extent. I've said as this is your home, I rent a room. You take the responsibility to get going. I'd be happy to help. Yea, nope. She sits in her bed, smoking, watching tv or playing games. It's become difficult for me to even keep my space cleaned up. But today, I've changed my bedding, swept the floor, went through, and filed a big pile of paperwork. Walked my little dog a couple times too. Looking around my clean room and bathroom and I feel SO GOOD. It's been a good day. ❤

[suzg]

I have a strong aversion to "To Do Lists". They shout "Failure" at me! So, instead, I keep a "Done List" and record small victories throughout my day.

[Cookontherun]

I was washing my face for the first time in 3 days when your video came on. Haha now I’ve got the bra cinched, teeth in, dressed. Going out to pull weeds. First time in a month. I wasn’t intending on doing anything. Thank you so much. Exactly what I needed to hear today. ❤️🇨🇦

[WJFK]

I remember one time I was telling my granddaughter that I couldn’t get going that day. Her response was, “Well you gotta move first” I told her it was the best advice I ever got and I did start moving. I have gone back to that advice again and again, not always but often enough to get myself going most times.

[Timthethespian]

I have ADHD, so it’s especially not easy. I heard somewhere that a really great way to take an action and keep going is to do the easiest thing first, not the hardest things. That way your brain gets excited that you’re starting.

[homehelpheart]

I had to be up at 5:50 am today to take a friend to outpatient surgery. I am retired & NEVER get up that early & was afraid I'd oversleep but proud I was out of bed by 6 am & picked up my friend a few mins early. Yay!

[katababinszki]

I was at rock bottom after the end of my 5 yrs relationship and above my usual anxiety I was also very depressed. I felt like I have no life force in me at all, no motivation to participate in my own life. Couldn't get out of bed, couldn't dress up, make myself a proper meal everything felt like too much effort. And in that darkness I found a thought that helped me immensley to slowly, in very small steps make a shift. Maybe it can help someone else here too. :)

I acknowledged that I feel like sh.t and that I had every "right" to do so. But as I got down the stairs in the morning, looked around and saw all the mess, I asked myself gently: what could I do, just something very small, for "tomorrow's Kata" for her to feel just a little bit better, when she came down those stairs? So I started by getting a shower before going to bed every day, then washing just the essential dishes (one mug and a plate), or made a very basic oatmeal. I felt victorious and grateful after each small action and I got motivated to "win the war" for my life and happinnes. I felt like I could do this, its not too much at all and eventually I got enough energy to come out of the depression. When I feel anxious and in freeze nowadays, I use the same sentence and it has worked for me eversince (mostly, but hey everyone has bad days :) )

I think somewhere deep down these little actions send a message to ourselves, that we do care for ourself, we can take care and we got our own backs. Also I believe if anyone tries this sentence, its important to use your name in it because it makes the commitment personal. :)

[magicalelvishman]

This reminds me of something I learned from your vagal tone video -- don't wait until you achieve your goals to feel good about yourself; instead, cultivate a faith in yourself based on commitments to self-care and continuing growth. It's hard to grow when you can never relax, and you won't relax if you're holding your own approval hostage as a way of motivating yourself to grind.

[amasterofone]

To anyone who feels like this is even too hard, or that you feel physically paralyzed when you can't do something, I have a couple of tips.
1) the tiniest movement: if you just can't seem to get out of bed, make the call, etc. Move your foot, hand, etc. Then hang it off the bed, grab your phone. Then move your other leg, open the call app. Etc. Every step, give yourself praise in a way that feels good to you.
2)Pairing activities, ive found this particularly helpful for things around the house but it could work for anything. It's basically a rule that next time I get up to do x (ex use the bathroom) I have to do y (bag the trash and put it by the front door) first.

[AndaPet]

Not depressed but currently 77 yrs old, pretty healthy but trying to stay physically competent. Problem, I really don’t like to exercise. I DO like to drink coffee! I have a nice coffee machine that makes one cup at a time. SO I created a myth that it can only work if I do pushups against the kitchen counter while it runs. Now it’s a habit and I have muscles and can easily lift, push, carry many things that were difficult before. If people ask how I stay so strong, I just tell them I drink a lot of coffee.

[annaolsson]

Got up, gave my cats food and meds and right now have taken my first meds!

[steffijmusic]

Wow! I feel validated by this bc I noticed I couldn’t get motivated to do tasks I needed to do even worse than usual. And I realized I need “activation energy” as I called it. It’s so true that when you take one small action, it does change your state, and everything gets better.

[owlicif]

I allways wait for inspiration first. But it never comes. Now I have learned that it is not necessary to wait for inspiration. I can start to do something even if I don't want to. 😊

[darlacontessa]

I love my algorithm. I finally shook myself out of my annual mid year depression today, woke up earlier (tuned the alarm off and slept again) my new goal is to actually get up and not just wake up 😅

[justinenicolesanchez]

Some friends of mine described this in another way, called the "2 minute rule" (which she also picked up from elsewhere hehe)
The principle goes that 'if something - a chore, a task, etc. - takes only 2 minutes to do or takes 2 min to get started, then go do it' - to help get us started on our tasks 😊

This video is a timely reminder to take action before the perfectionism, procrastination, depression, etc. gets to us 🫡🙌 Thank you, Emma!

[judis]

Years ago in graduate school we studied a psychologist named Becker who defined depression as the inability to move. It's cure? Movement. A seeming oxymoron which says in different words what this video does. Thanks, it's true yet never easy to implement
You do good work. Vanilla!

[chontang]

The very first wicked cycle I wanted to break after watching this video was stopping being a lurker at least for once. I want to say thank you a ton Emma for all these videos you have done. I am normally a lurker who would only hit a like button. I would love to hit many likes rather than saying any words if this was possible. It was all about insecurity and anxiety in many ways. Leaving a comment may take me at least half an hour to think through and calm down my anxiety. Probably a video about being spontaneous and not impulsive would be very helpful :) Thank you again.

[codyhld]

You are so great.
No matter how depressed I am I learned that it helps to get out of bed, slowly push to brush my teeth, wash my face, get dressed.
And I realized that I needed to find a way to be with people, to socialize, so I did. It was hard, because I’m unsure and shy and afraid that I won’t be accepted. But actually people like talking to me and it brings me joy and lifts me up.
So yes, action does help with emotional regulation.
I know share your struggles, even now you some. And you are so clear, so easy for everyone to follow and understand.
You are so full of life and so upbeat, honest about how easy or hard it might be. Steps to follow. Use a journal. Congratulate yourself. Thank you. 🙏

[mariecarie]

It’s literally baby steps. When I’m having an especially hard day, I try to celebrate getting out of bed. I did it, yay! Even if all I can do it brush my hair and my teeth before laying back down again, it’s still yay! I rest and try to get back up again to do another small thing. I give myself credit for the little things I do, and I don’t beat myself up if I have to lay back down again because I still did SOMEthing, and even doing something very tiny is better than nothing!