I got tested for a personality disorder

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shot by John Lee

grip - Melissa Gasca

sound - Jason Mobley

edited by Ben Chinapen

[eleanoreliz]

This psychiatrist, as portrayed by you, clearly said COMPLEX PTSD - CPTSD. That's *five* letters, so that's something!

[lyssasletters]

Wow. Losing a friend group and finding out that they have such negative thoughts about you? That must have been so hurtful and confusing. I’m so sorry you went through that.

[jpobletest]

"I'm glad they didn't understand me, because that meant they didn't have a similar history" .
Thank you so much for this!! Got diagnosed with C-PTSD last year and ended up thinking the same, it explains so much about my life, and explains so much about some of my personal relationships

[crem-crem]

For those of you curious:

Exploding head syndrome is a benign, underdiagnosed sensory parasomnia. It is the sensation of hearing a loud sound during sleep-wake/wake-sleep transitions.

[ubermut]

I really hate how people claim that every person they don’t like is a narcissist. That’s so stigmatising. As someone who recently also had a friendgroup falling out - sounds like you’re better off without them. My friend group had experience with their own trauma. But they still have this horrible idea about how „real“ victims and „real“ trauma are supposed to look. Being damaged themselves doesn’t magically protect them from hurting you or makes them suddenly very understanding and empathetic. I’m sorry you had to learn this the hard way. I had to, too.

[jamesdragonforce]

“Wouldn’t it be cool if I were a narcissist?”

Probably a narcissist.

[wagenna]

Hey there, I (male, 40) have BPD with a dependant (or submissive) NPD underneath, CPTSD and an anxiety disorder. With three years of therapy and hard work on myself I managed to weaken almost every symptom of it, don't meet the diagnostic criteria of NPD anymore and live a mostly happy life. I am not where I want to be, but on the road to get there within two years. So if you suffer from any of these disorders, know that you can still absolutely live a wonderful life if you are willing to put in the energy and work that is needed to make you and the people around you feel better. :)

[Devilsfannumber]

My brother committed suicide this year and I’m using cognitive behavioral therapy and EMDR to help myself out

[Aluran]

Anna is really good at helping people laugh through their pain

[nikkinitrogen]

Almost the identical thing happened to me last year. My entire circle of friends labeled me a Narcissist and we had a huge falling out. I went into therapy and eventually was put on an involuntary hold that thankfully got me in contact with a psychiatrist. I was diagnosed with c-PTSD and Major Depressive Disorder severe non-psychotic. I'm medicated for the second on and in therapy for both. I really was convinced I was a Narcissist and I was just out there hurting people like there was some gremlin inside of me getting activated and harming people when I was asleep or something. I've had the chance to fully start over with friends who understand and give me the space I need when I "get dark, " and I don't put as much pressure on myself to perform when I need that space.

[megmeg]

Okay that's crazy and at the same time crazy relatable. I kinda wished I'd have bipolar disorder or something that would explain all my behavior. Accepting I was really traumatized by my family over such a long period of time and admitting that I mostly had a bad childhood was pretty hard. Also accepting I'd always have to live in this reality where I get more easily triggered than others - not easy. But yes, seeing that not every person is right for you and not needing everyone's approval to feel good about me is one of the nicest things ever!

[AnthonyStJames-ynnr]

honestly, if Anna was a confirmed narcissist, mental issue or whatever personality disorder, I don't see her different and still like her. We all have a few screw loose here and there, we just learn to embrace what we have and that of others' as well. We love you, Anna

[alifiakapasi]

Anna, I am sorry about that happening with your friends. You deserve friends who do have compassion and who you can trust and feel safe with. I love your content, been watching for a while. Thanks for always keeping it real. ❤

[CrocusSeal]

I had the opposite experience. My therapist diagnosed me with Borderline Personality Disorder after 4 sessions with me and didn't tell me. I found out because it was on a document for my job as I was requesting medical leave due to burnout. The whole time she never brought this up, never even steered the conversation towards it. She was validating of all my traumas. Never told me that any of my reactions to things were overblown

It really felt crappy to know this whole times she thought I had a personality disorder and didn't tell me.

[Kelly-bhmq]

I have CPTSD here too. I thought I had a million other things including NPD. I was nervous. My therapist said I couldn’t be a narcissist because usually narcissists don’t seek out help. Also, she said PTSD can mimic other disorders

[amoonheart]

i have cptsd and i finished several years of therapy 4 months ago. i’ve been feeling very good lately, but this week i’ve suddenly had so many big things hit me that it’s been quite hard to not drown in the overwhelming overthinking and hurt those come with. i was starting to spiral and hearing the message at the end was very validating and has already helped me feel a little lighter again and to give myself some more grace again. thank you so much, i really needed it.

[victoriaguiot-page]

For everyone else:
BPD or Bipolar disorder isnt something to wish for. BPD is the closest thing to a curse you could have. The stigma around it that causes alot of pain because you always question if it would be safe to come out to your new relations or if they would shun you, because you know people left for that reason in the past. The sensation that your body and mind are burning and all you want to do is not be here and disapear because you hurt so much and you dont know when its gonna stop. The black and white thinking which dictates your life....
And my mother is Bipolar, and as much as she loves us, she'll never know how much she affects us because we'll never tell her. We cant. Cause that would mean suicide and we dont want to loose her. Because we also feel deeply guilty of resenting her because she's also the most dedicated and loving mother.
I mostly say that because i had another crisis yesterday where i nearly cut every bridge i have with the only friends i have and i just wish i didnt have this godforsaken 3 letters attached to me. I wish i was "normal"...

[hweiii]

There's a great book by Peter Walker called C-PTSD: from surviving to thriving that has helped me a lot I highly recommend for understanding what C-PTSD is and how to deal!

[LemonThymeArt]

Yay CPTSD club! Currently in a Compassion Focused Therapy (CFT*) group with other CPTSD-ers. CFT includes daily visualization meditations and journaling homework assignments that have been transformative. I still get triggered and experience intense emotions, but CFT makes it easier to notice when I’m out of whack, counter my impulsive shame/self-hatred with patience and compassion/self-connection, and “cool down” much faster… which in turn allows me to have control over my own body again and make decisions from a non-threat based mode. Apparently as young as 2 weeks old an infant can tell whether or not they’re in a safe environment 😮. So these neurological connections can run DEEP. Our brains are amazing. And our healing is sacred and beautiful ❤ (*CFT augmented with years of prior DBT, CBT, EMDR, etc, )

[MandosaWright]

Wow, you're so kind, to empathize with your friends, even though they abandoned you.