INTJ Emotions

In this video I go over INTJs and their emotions...or lack there of.

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[am]

Other types to INTJs: "Do you need help?"
INTJs: "No, I don't need any help. I can do it on my own."
Also INTJs (5 years later): "Ok... Now I need your help, but now when I need it, you're not around."
Also INTJs: "Why did I even bother asking them for help? I knew they wouldn't help me anyway."

[John_-]

"They are an irrational type"
*Triggered*

[InternetLiJo]

So well said about us having respect and affinity towards Fi but rarely show it. I think that’s why we often are attracted to people with Fi in their top two functions because we can observer them use the function with a greater level of expression and respect... and we respect that. Lol

[Diaming]

Expressing emotions...it gets very awkward, even to my closest people. But yes, there is a lot of awkwardness because for my strong fear of being used against. There were times in the past I did risk it and I felt really shattered in the end and I felt very broken from. Such experiences made me close up with extremely thick walls, which is why I get really awkward about feelings to this day. When I do express however, it is via by Te, always putting logic info everything, including emotions. That way, I do express in a somewhat healthy manner so I do feel approachable with others.

[carlospaulino]

As an INTJ who's kind of broken, my neuroticism is on the higher side. Processing emotion for myself is incredibly difficult because I tend to push things deep inside, where I usually live. I can be incredibly cold, but I think as a result of burying my own emotions, I've become sensitive to emotions outside of myself that I'm forced to face. If I'm listening to a traumatic experience from another person, tears immediately come to my eyes. When a group of people are experiencing strong emotions, grief, anger, whatever, it feels like a heaviness in the room. I believe it comes more from being able to perceive different situations, rather than from feeling them. Although it does manifest itself physically; I can cry for others at the drop of a hat, if it's an uncommonly traumatic experience, but for myself, I haven't cried since 2014.

Thank you @Asurapsych for you content.

[dasein]

4:45 my understanding is that in order for INTJs to get out of an Ni-Fi loop, they need to Te.

[aimieleeb]

The only way I can actually express what I'm feeling is through my photography or writing. It also helps me getting back to my senses every time I loose myself in Ni-Fi.

[tofusamurai]

Talk to an INTJ about something they like, and want to talk about (at that moment), and they may surprise you... It IS true that INTJ's are one of the least outwardly expressive, though. Thanks for the reminder about the nature of "response to stress" with the fourth function, and why you'd likely see that more than the tertiary function. Keep it up, Chris! ^_^ ~Matt (a fan, lol)

[obscurellepriscillatopin]

Absolutely! INTJs need to be trusted to sort out what they're going through - it's hard to explain and I always feel guilty about turning away people's gestures to help, but learning to be intentional with my facial expressions has definitely helped me to communicate to others that I'm aware of what's going on and I'm invested; I just don't always have the words

[lIlIlllIIlIlIllIl]

Great video, it's always valuable to remind fellow INTJs that they can/will evolve over time! Once they discover that they are INTJ, they can progress further on their path since they understand themselves better, all thanks to your videos.
Also, i saw on your channel infos that you got "5w4" on the enneagram test, and I think you doing a video on it would be more than interesting to watch!

[krystalsoong]

What’s interesting is that there’s always so many videos on T types and their emotions. But we hardly ever see a video called “ENFJ and Thinking” or “ENFJ and Logic” 🤔

[BuizelCream]

There's so much truth to the fact that INTJs don't like being pursued by immediate assistance during an emotionally charged experience. Right now, I am dealing with a life-altering decision out of the blue, and it is occurring not by my own choice. There's lot to process during this kind of period. The moment I was given emotional encouragement by my friends, obviously as their way to help me cope, it actually made my emotional situation even worse, which just completely scrambled my mental focus. It was the last thing I needed.

[tutlolwow]

I always like to be alone to solve my feeling, it became worst when friends tried to help me

[whatablissfullife]

Apparently I express anger…
when I’m sad, mad, frustrated, hungry, sleepy, tired, thinking, happy, sleeping, under water, exercising and drinking tea.

[sketchyAnalogies]

For NiFi loop it's good to use Te. Explain it to someone else, jumpstart with Te and the loop falls apart. Even if it doesn't seem like it will help, this helped me - an INTJ

[darklydreaming]

I think sometimes the way people have treated me in the past because I am different, has caused me to become defensive and keep everything to myself. I feel like I cannot even trust my own parents because we're so different to one another that I didn't want to embarrass myself so I keep my emotions bottled up. I rarely get upset, and whenever I do, I HATE getting upset in front of people. Can any other INTJs relate to this?

[cazbee]

My (INFJ?) mother said she only saw my INTJ father cry once - when he spoke of his brother's death (as a teenager).
We (4 kids) had our emotions discouraged/suppressed in our formative years which had its biggest impact on me, the INFJ, although is unlikely to be healthy for any young 'un.
Has had me wondering if an emotionally-repressive INTJ-dominant household environment can flip an INFJ into an Ni-Ti jumper.

[SM-esos]

I got INTJ and did not understand the judging part very well. Your explanation of INTJs needing to process before they come to a judgement is spot on with how I work. I want to understand the complexities of all sides\angels and how they relate to each other before I make a judgement.

[ЛобоваЮля-тщ]

I'm INTJ who was brought up by an extroverted mother. And thanks for this I understand that I can be emotional, however, I need absolute safe conditions for that. Even in my own family, I started to express emotions quite recently at 17-18 (now I'm 20). When I am alone I can be like
I noticed that I don't like expressing emotions to everybody in my life because I need a strong understanding that the person is interested in my feelings and thoughts. Otherwise, why do I need to use my energy in emptiness? I tried to express myself some times and okay, people understood that I'm a quite normal person with feelings but after this act of trust I felt so bad because, "Okay, Julia, you express your feelings. And what? Does this person become closer to you? Or do you feel relief?" In both questions answer NO. So I prefer to trust myself and express feelings when I want.
I understand when people are sad but I don't know what to do with it. That's why I turn on 'act with people in a way you want they relate to you' and do nothing with situations, because for me personally important to be alone sometime during sadness and I think that maybe people also want the same.
But, for example, if my mother or sister feels sadness I understand that they need my support: hugs, soothing words. And of course, with them, I can share my soul warmth. However, as I said earlier, I learned this from them and it takes time for me to understand that person will be glad for my support. The same with my grandparents. My mother explained to me that they would be glad to know I care for them and for this I need just to call or visit them. I don't do it often but they are happy when I do and they support our relationship more than I do. For them it's so important just to know that I care, I love them.
By the way, if you are INTJ and have a problem with expressing your feeling - get a dog or cat. Really, I think it helps and works! Because you see how they express love to you these perfect creatures, you know that they don't judge you, they just love and want to be with you. Sometimes they want to play, sometimes they want you to care for them and they share warmth without any words that's really perfect for introverts.

[buzan]

Personally it's not that I don't express emotions, it's that I express them in different situations and in different ways. I have an ESFJ mom, who is on the healthy side, so I have grown up surrounded by Fe-heavy people. All this display of emotions outwardly and physical display sometimes makes me cringe on the inside, and it makes me feel embarrassed, but I have grown to become better at dealing with it than I would say most INTJs are. For instance I'm completely fine with hugging, and usually hug my aunts when greeting them on their birthdays, and I'm also more emotionally expressive when I am surrounded by others. I wear what I call a "politicians smile" in a sense.

Because of this learned trait, I'm better at dealing with the emotions of others, at least for a short while, and which is one reason as to why I took an interest in psychology over the hard sciences. It's not so much that I am bad at dealing with the emotions of others, in fact I actually consider myself very good at it if I force myself to it. Constantly dealing with heavy emotions from others on the other hand, quickly drains me, and I become both irritated and exhausted., which is why while I'm fine with giving advice and listening to others, I don't want to be someone else's shoulder to cry on. That's what tires me out. BUT if I force myself to it, I'm actually the best people scientist out there no joke.

As for my own emotions, this is something highly private. While I don't mind talking about other peoples' emotions, I do mind talking and revealing things about myself. In a sense I feel very vulnerable. It's my most vulnerable part truth be told, and if I receive any direct criticism while opening up to someone, I fear being shattered on the inside. Which is why I don't reveal much about my private life to others, or let others in, aside from more objective/factual matters that can be spoken about in a neutral manner. Even telling someone: "I love you" is pretty difficult for me. It's easier for me to say and do these things if I'm putting on my politician mask, i.e by hugging a random aunt I don't really care about, than by hugging someone I really do care about. I have more difficulties taking actions if its in accordance with my emotions, than when I feel nothing at all. This "nothingness" is what I call the politician's mask, and is what allows me to deal with public situations better than the normal INTJ. It's simply be feeling nothing, only pretending to feel something, that i may come across as more emotionally expressive than I really am. I wouldn't say it's so much a Fe-warmth though, as it's a Te-warmth of sorts.

Also, I can be very emotionally abusive online when playing games like Dota 2. It's not that I react emotionally and actually am angry on the inside, it's more that the incompetence of others make me lash out at them. The words I say and type to others can be so crude that I'm not willing to reveal it here. In fact I'm probably one of the most toxic players in the entire game, and that says a lot. I'm adding this part, even if it may discredit me in the eyes of others, because it's a necessary part of this post. Very few people if any know I have this side to me, considering I don't express myself like this in real life.