Learn What Responsibilities Are Yours To Own | Dr. Henry Cloud

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Confusing responsibilities can lead to destruction in your relationships, both for your life and the person you’re trying to help. Dr. Cloud talks about how and why we take on other people’s responsibilities, and how that limits both their control and our control and leads to chaos. There are times when we put ourselves in positions of responsibility over someone else’s behavior. When we do this we'll wind up feeling the consequences for their irresponsible behavior. That makes us responsible for someone else's consequences of their irresponsibility. Think of it as cosigning a loan, if they don't show up and do what they are supposed to, you're the one that pays. We often do it out of love, as an attempt to support someone. It happens all the time, but it’s a recipe for disaster. Make sure you are responsible for what you own and let others take responsibility for what they own.
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I spent 30+ years supporting a husband who couldn't keep a job and 20+ years taking care of a mother who refused to do for herself. I foolishly thought I was responsible for their well being which cost me all my money and almost my health. Thank you Dr Cloud for showing me I was wrong and also relieving me of the guilt of "not doing enough". I continue to read your books and watch your videos. They have been life changing!!

lindavaden
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"Don't take responsibility for someone you can't control"! That was just pure gold, thank you!🎉

Deba
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The most earth shattering thing I have learned about my childhood was this. After just beginning to read the book Boundaries I spent a great deal of time confused about this very topic that I am not responsible for others. I realized all my life, from early childhood, that I believed keeping my mother happy was my responsibility. Even at the cost of great physical and emotional harm to myself. It was a really rough road understanding this, but incredibly freeing after it completely sunk in and set me free.

dixiethompson
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I remember being 19 and having a job and a little apartment and I had this revelation: I'm going to have to do this for myself for the rest of my life.

TrishCanyon
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I'm EXHAUSTED from codepending for 30+years. Trying so hard to heal and get strong again. I like the practical word picture examples.

livebydesignlaurie
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3:57 "They're not making the payments on self-control". Nicely put. I've been around this dysfunction so long, first a parent and then via repetition compulsion in intimate relationships, I need to hear it described like this. I've carried the shame for these people. But it's not right, and not healthy.

rebecca_stone
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This just evoked compassion for myself thank you. Left home aged 16, sometimes worked 3 jobs, first job paid 2.25 an hour, looking at the reduced food bay to see if I could make a meal out of quorn, curry & a loaf! I identified with the song "what if God was one of us".
Paid my own home, driving lessons, car the lot and spent my life bailing out my family until I turned 40. Jesus redeemed me from a pit, boundaries really reveal what's inside a person - some surviving family tried to claw me back down and destroy me, But God. Hallelujah 🙌🔥❤️

FaithfulandTrue
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I needed to hear this a few more times as I paid for other folk's responsibility Thinking it was a gift. But it was not a gift but a handicap. Thanks.

hlmannea
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Very nicely explained! I finally quit being security for others, thinking I was "helping " .

amyolmsted
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God needed to tell me today that I'm not responsible for my husband's anger & excuses when I want to do minimal travel now that we are emoty-nesters. I'm still struggling with his anger but this has given much to consider.

JustJulesM
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You’re so fortunate to have had a parent/parents who put aside money for your college education. I do understand that MANY people have/had such good fortune, however, there are also MANY (especially in the US) who do/did not.

So many single people struggle, working hard (in many US states) to simply survive, others overwork themselves trying to work full time, sometimes having a gig/side job in addition to the FT job, to pay rent (often as a housemate) as they either WISH like hell (or heaven, if they pray) that they could afford to go to University or they struggle to have enough food (quality food), adequate sleep and time to study if they DO somehow manage to squeeze in a couple of classes per semester…then there is the student loan debt crisis.

You’re VERY fortunate to be able to do what you love and to be well/paid for it. Some of us have tasted the goodness of that experience. It’s WONDERFUL! Never, ever, take it for granted. Cheers! 💫

lemostjoyousrenegade
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This came across my feed just when I needed to hear it. God’s timing is perfect. Thanks for sharing!

txgrandma
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i remember working minimum wage after my parents cut me off for my collegial stupidity and it was $5.25 per hour in the year, 2004! Thank God I grew up and matured but am still in need of so much more insight and maturity, in my opinion. May God guide me to it!

nozrep
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So so true. It’s funny how what we don’t pay for when we are younger we have less respect for as well. We don’t care if we sit tipping our chair back and ruining the wall, but we (I included) sure care if someone does it to my wall when it’s my place.

TheOnlyLila
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Yes…I have become security for another’s responsibility. A proxy. A substitute mother. A” partner” who has done the lions share for over forty years. I was taught to believe love was the answer to every situation, however, My ability to continue is waning quickly and reality is painful. Plus…I no longer have the desire to do it. TY Dr. Cloud for putting this reality into words that I can understand and articulate. 😳

Ruby-wise
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Your books have helped me so much...thank you for your ministry

stacybutler
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This came RIGHT on time. Thank you Dr. Cloud and team.

AlieUnscriptedTV
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Thank you Dr. Cloud for God's Wisdom. I learned this when I asked the Lord what I might need to be broken, and found that there was a stronghold in my m mind where I was taking responsibility for my kids understanding that God loves them, which only can come from the Holy Spirit. (John 14:26) and felt such peace and relief, it was so incredible. and it was related to a sermon where I knew truth, but God didn't clarify until He gave me the associations understanding. God bless you! I hope that I can help the Body of Christ with as much wisdom and skill that you have!

triciahallknaut
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This was really good to hear. I like it was right on point and only 14 minutes. thank you

denaclements
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Very good video. I needed to hear it. 😢😢😢

brendagriffin