Movie Couple Therapy: THE NOTEBOOK

Just because there's chemistry and someone's pretty, does that make it love? NO!

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright talk about a couple that would have desperately needed therapy to make their relationship last in the way it seems to in this movie... Noah and Allie in the Notebook! Seriously, how did they go from fighting all the time, and being so manipulative and awful, to a sweet, loving old couple? It very much feels like the stories of two separate couples -- and not just because the old couple isn't played by Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams. Jonathan talks about the difference between love and attraction and the horribly problematic aspects of their relationship, Alan talks about some of his problems and questions with the filmmaking (why are there sooooo many geese??), but they both agree that the leads have great chemistry.

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Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, Alan Seawright, and Corinne Demyanovich
Edited by: David Sant
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis

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[dove]

My great aunt developed early on set Alzheimer's some years ago. My great uncle refused to put her into a care facility. He did constant research, sacrificed time and money he couldn't afford to take her to the best doctors he could find. When she declined, he fed her, bathed her, changed her diapers, put up with her slaps and verbal abuse with a patience and a love I could never begin to describe in words. When she passed away, and he was grieving and asking the doctors if he had overlooked anything, if he somehow could've done anything differently to give her an even better life, they told him that he caught physical symptoms and addressed them quicker than their best cared for patients, and she lived 12 years longer than the average patient because of his care and attention. Make that love story into a movie.

[HollywoodNeu]

Of course he wanted to take Allie to see all the geese, he's literally a GOSLING

[sophieamandaleitontoomey]

I love how more people are starting to rise up and recognize this is not okay behavior for a romance and to start advocating for healthier and more wholesome relationships in media like Morticia and Gomez.

[ryanhamstra]

The fact that movies like this are held up as a great relationship is a huge reason as to why so many people can’t have healthy relationships.

[TooMuchBonner]

My bf at 17 told me that he was in the hospital for attempted suicide after I broke up with him and my response was, "Wow that is awful. I really hope you get better. This is further proof why we shouldn't be together." Now as a 31 yr old I can see what a fantastic response that was. I hope my daughter does the same if she is ever in the same position.

[victoriagillerlain]

The doggie at the end is more emotionally supportive and caring than Noah ever was in this movie.

[SunshineNinja]

I have technically seen the Notebook 4 times in one sitting because a girl at a sleepover really wanted to watch it but kept falling asleep and rewinding to the last scene she remembered. It was a strange type of torture

[disneyprincessintraining]

I remember my mom and I starting this movie. I was pretty young, but she turned it off pretty early on. I asked her why and her response really stuck with me. “Because I don’t want you thinking that this an acceptable way to act or be treated in a relationship.” Stuff like that was important to my mom. She wasn’t ridiculously strict with media, but if she saw something that was teaching a bad lesson she had us turn it off and would calmly explain to us why what we saw was wrong, especially if what was happening was framed in a way to make look like a good thing. Those words made sure I never accepted being mistreated by romantic partners, and that I in turn treated those partners with love and respect.

[SuperFlik]

Alan: THE NOTEBOOK KILLED MY GRANDPARENTS

Me: I'm 100% on board for wherever this episode is going

[spnsman]

I never thought I’d see these two get so angry at another toxic romance film, and Alan getting angry at geese. I’m all for it

[noakai]

A silver lining is that those two deserve each other and James Marsden is free to find a partner that won't cheat on him and then not feel the least bit bad about it.

[hulrvrg]

Her relationship with her Fiancee vs Noah shows that some people prefer a toxic relationship for the "excitement" over a healthy, stable, "boring" relationship.

[hayfield]

Alan's increasing rage at the number of geese had me CRYING 🤣

[michelleriggs]

25:35 "When you're fighting with somebody you don't want to tear each other's clothes off... you're disgusted with each other!" Such a relief to hear literally anyone say this! I've been made to feel over and over like there's something wrong with me because I don't want to have make-up sex. 🤢

[jhall]

I saw The Notebook when it was in theaters. Everyone loved it and I walked out pissed off because "that's not how Alzheimer's works". Thank you for stating this in the video because I've had to watch too many grandparents suffer with this disease.

[TheCrimsonIdol]

THANK YOU!!! Ever since I was 14, I hated this movie because of how abusive the relationship was. Everyone said it was cute, and I always felt like the killjoy for saying this movie demonstrates a toxic relationship.

[Sarah_H]

Funny story: I had an internet friend who I had only known for a few months threaten suicide if I didn't agree to be his girlfriend. This wasn't even as bad as the carnival scene in the movie, where this was the first time they'd met each other and Noah basically goes "if I can't date you I will literally kill myself and it'll be your fault"; we had known each other for a few months, gotten reasonably close, then he drops the L-word on me and says "if I can't have you as a girlfriend then I'm going to kill myself". I spent the next MONTH worried that he'd go through with it or show up at my door and do something, with the nagging thought that if he did kill himself then it would be my fault. This shit is NOT ROMANTIC

[scatteredstraw]

“They’ve got poverty in New York.” I laughed so hard I literally had a coughing fit

[chiachimariachi]

I strongly believe the geese scene actually a hidden metaphor for how deceiving Noah is. Just like geese, he’s adorable and romantic and majestic on the outside, but a literal spawn from hell of a character on the inside! :)

[brbqqueen]

The geese scene of this video got me cracking uppp. “Girl you are in a horror movie” “swamp full of murder birds”. 🤣