I Played Everything (Magic: The Gathering Parody)

My gauntlet? It varies.

LYRICS:

I’ve played Birthing Pod, Burn, Bogles, won some matches
Turbo Fog, Turns, Goblins, Death and Taxes

Boros, Rakdos, Orzhov, played some Gruul
Simic, Izzet, Grixis, it was cool

Infect, Slivers, Zombies, Miracles
Fish, Blitz, Spirits, Mardu Vehicles

I’ve played everything, man
I’ve played everything, man
Tapped Aladdin’s Ring, man
Flipped Legion’s Landing, man
Variety’s my thing, man
I’ve played everything

I’ve played Four-Post, Eight-Post, Twelve-Post, Hammer Time
Stone-Blade, Death-Blade, Mage-Blade, Astral Slide

Midrange, Aggro, Draw-Go, played for ante
Mass Polymorph, Caw-Go, and Golgari
Scapeshift, Maze’s End, Junk, every tribe
Humans, Lions, Tigers, Bears
Oh my…

I’ve played everything, man
I’ve played everything, man
Kenrith, Returned King, man
Marit Lage with Fling, man
Variety’s my thing, man
I’ve played everything

I’ve played Landstill, Lands, Mill, Standstill, Superfriends
Phasing, Krasis, Stasis, Lost some friends
Koth, Pox, Ponza, 8-Rack, Temur Delver
Red-Green Monsters, Maverick, and Charbelcher

Solar Flare, Polar Bears, Elves and every weenie
White Weenie, Pink Weenie, see what I mean-y

I’ve played everything, man
I’ve played everything, man
Merfolk with Morphling, man
Staticaster Ping, man
Variety’s my thing, man
I’ve played everything

I’ve played Counterpost, Counter-Burn, Counter-Top, Kitchen Table
Show and Tell, Tooth and Nail, Tempered Steel, and Top 8’d
Twin and Snowko, Loam, Burn, Golos Stax
Prison, Co-Co, Uro, and Hogaak

High Tide, Sultai, All Skies, Mono Red
Tron, Sligh, Jeskai, Dredgevine
I’m in debt…

I’ve played everything, man
I’ve played everything, man
Artifacts I swing, man
Hornet Queen I sting, man
Variety’s my thing, man
I’ve played everything

I’ve played everything…

Music tracks and mastering by Ben Karlstrom.

Filmed on iPhone during quarantine.

Follow me at an appropriate social distance!

[xJarlaxle]

"I'm in debt"
Yeap, that checks out

[EZDre]

When he said “I’m in debt” everyone felt that

[davidhowell]

The lost some friends line after saying stasis. Brought back memories I had repressed for 23 years
Now I can’t talk to Ben again for a few weeks

[benjamin_burke]

Explaining every deck:
Birthing Pod - this was a Modern Deck before the eponymous card was banned. The principle way it would win would be through a combination of Melira, Sylvok Outcast that prevents creatures from getting counters, and a creature with Persist like Murderous Redcap or Kitchen Finks. With a sac outlet, they go infinite.
Burn - uses cards that deal direct damage to your opponent. Lava Spike, Chain Lightning, and Lightning Bolt are some of the more-recognized cards from it.
Bogles - Name for Slippery Bogle, the deck plays creatures with Hexproof and suits them up with enchantments like Rancor, Ethereal Armor, and Daybreak Coronet
Turbo Fog - Uses cards called Fogs (named for the card Fog, but includes stuff like Moment's Peace, Holy Day, or Darkness) to prevent opponents from winning through tradition combat damage
Turns - A deck that takes extra turns with effects like Temporal Mastery and Walk the Aeons.
Goblins - A deck that plays a lot of goblins, and wins by going wide or by using tricks like Goblin Grenade
Death and Taxes - a family of decks that focus on controlling the board and taxing opponents using effects like Rishadan Port, Thalia, Guardian of Thraben, or Phyrexians Revoker
Boros, Rakdos, Orzhov, Gruul, Simic, Izzet - these are the "guilds of Ravnica", or two-color pairings. Boros is red-white, Rakdos is red-black, Orzhov is black-white, Gruul is red-green, Simic is blue-green, and Izzet is blue-red. They can refer to any number of decks within those color combinations.
Grixis - this is a "shard of Alara", or three-color pairing. Grixis is blue-black-red. Again, there can be all kinds of playstyles in that color framework.
Infect - This is a keyword from New Phyrexia. Using it, you could kill your opponent by dealing 10 damage instead of 20, so players use a small creature like Glistener Elf and pump spells like Groundswell, Might of Old Krosa, and Mutagenic Growth to quickly kill the opponent. There are other Infect decks that behave more slowly, but this was the common one in Modern.
Slivers - A creature type where each creature gives benefits to all the others, leading to board states that can quickly go out-of-control.
Zombies - a deck using many creature cards that are zombies, along with Lords or other "pay-off" cards, cards that give bonuses for playing zombies. Gravecrawler is a mainstay in the decks.
Miracles - uses cards with the Miracle mechanic from Avacyn Restored. In Legacy, it's often used with Sensei's Divining Top and Counterbalance. Entreat the Angels is a big finisher for the decks.
Fish - refers to Merfolk tribal, or playing creature cards that are Merfolk. Lord of Atlantis and other Merfolk Lords are common cards
Blitz - Is a general term for decks that try to kill the opponent quickly, but also the name of a mechanic in New Capenna
Spirits - refers to Spirits tribal, or playing creature cards that are spirits. Currently, Mausoleum Wanderer and Supreme Phantom are mainstays in the Pioneer deck, but Lingering Souls has traditionally been very important to it.
Mardu Vehicles - a dominant standard deck in its era, the deck used Vehicles like Smuggler's Copter and Heart of Kiran with fast creatures like Scrapheap Scrounger and Bomat Courier.
Aladdin's Ring - a very bad card, so bad that to say that you've played it is impressive. If you've played this junk, you must have played everything!
Legion's Landing - an enchantment that sees niche play in White Weenie, decks that use a lot of small white creatures.
4-Post, 8-Post, 12-Post - These refer to Cloudpost. In the original iteration, it only had the card Cloudpost, but as you could double them with cards like Vesuva and Glimmerpost later came out, you could have a lot of mana - nine mana with three lands, sixteen mana with four lands, etc. The count of post refers to how many Locuses you have in your deck (e.g. 4 Cloudpost + 4 Glimmerpost + 4 Vesuva = 12-post).
Hammer Time - this refers to decks with the card Colossus Hammer, which is cheap to get out and you can get around its equip cost with cards like Puresteel Paladin.
Stone-blade - Refers to decks with the card Stoneforge Mystic, which can get a lot of value from dropping Batterskull or Kaldra, Compleat into play. -blade originally referred to Sword equipment, like Sword of Fire and Ice, but those cards aren't as common in the deck anymore.
Death-blade - a Legacy deck name for Stonefore Mystic and Deathrite Shaman, a tempo deck that easily pivots between control and aggro, and uses Umezawa's Jitte.
Mage-blade - a tempo deck that uses smaller creatures for value (Snapcaster Mage, Delver of Secrets), then gives them an equipment (Sword of Feast or Famine) to have a recurring threat.
Astral Slide - a deck that used the eponymous card and cycling cards to get advantage.
Midrange - plays cards that are bigger and more expensive than aggro, but not so expensive that they'll get completed stomped by control decks.
Aggro - short for aggressive, this type of deck uses cheap threats to attack the opponent as quickly as possible, but has difficulty against decks that have bigger creatures than it.
Draw-go - some decks play completely reactively, mostly using instants to counter the opponents' spells. In such a case, their own turn will look like, "draw for turn, pass turn", leading it to be called draw-go.
Ante - an old mechanic that is now banned in all formats, ante cards had players remove cards from their decks, and whoever won the match got to keep the cards.
Mass Polymorph - This deck would play with only one creature in the whole deck, but it could make tokens. When you cast Mass Polymorph on your small token, you're guaranteed to get something big, like Emrakul the Aeons Torn.
Caw-go - a pun on Draw-go, Caw-go is a draw-go deck that uses Squadron Hawk as its main threat, and can recur it with cards like Mistveil Plains
Golgari - another of the aforementioned "guilds of Ravnica", Golgari is black-green.
Scapeshift - this deck uses the spell Scapeshift to sacrifice its lands and get a Valakut, the Molten Pinnacle or two and can immediately deal 18 or so damage to the opponent, winning instantly.
Maze's End - this deck wins with the card Maze's End. Theoretically.
Junk - Refers to the color combination of white-black-green. It's short for "good junk", as in "good stuff"
Every tribe, Humans, Lions, Tigers, Bears - "Tribe" refers to playing cards that share a creature type. Even types that have little-to-no Lords or payoff cards can still get some value with generic cards like Door of Destinies, Vanquisher's Banner, and Coat of Arms. While Humans have a lot of support and even once strong Modern decks, the other three creatures do not - Lions and Tigers aren't real types (they use Cat), and Bears have very little support, but Remy is referencing the Wizard of Oz.
Kenrith, Returned King - named for Kenrith, the Returned King.
Marit Lage with Fling - refers to the card Dark Depths, which can be turned into a 20/20 Marit Lage token using Vampire Hexmage or Thespian's Stage. Rather than worrying about attacking, the player can cast the spell Fling to kill their oppponent.

[GKiernan]

"Tapped Aladdin's Ring man!"


He really has played everything if he's been that desperate

[Mr.StarrordG]

tapping alladin's ring is an impressive feat

[jonnynice]

Imagine playing at this guy's lgs.
I'd be the worst kind of fanboy. Singing: "I've seen all your vids man, ..."

[gtoast_]

This is probably my favorite one yet. But I should probably listen to all of them three or four more times each just to be sure.

[owenzheng]

_”Stasis (Lost some friends)”_

Lmao relatable

[emt]

I have a Weird Al level of respect for Remy.

[onlysnnottaken]

I was waiting for at the end for the non singer to be like, "It's and the then singer has a puzzled look on his face. "Oh...that I haven't played".

[magnarkorsmo]

POV: You're new to magic and ask the veterans at the lgs what decks they've got

[coreyroberson]

That was great - especially the little tidbits like "Lions, Tigers, Bears -Oh my..., " "Lost some friends, " and "I'm in debt."

Still waiting for "Buried Alive" set to "Stayin' Alive" by the Beegees.

[pulli]

As cedh fan I feel slightly left out :P.

[PaulGaither]

Remy Cash:
I walk the Leyline
Ghostly Prison blues
Sol Ring of Fire
The Legend of Borgardan's Hammer
Don't Take Your Jund to Town
The list goes on.

[tmorin]

Had watched this twice before realizing he didn't start out in cowboy garb. The gradual change was just one more great note on this whole video.

[thinking]

Love the original song, and yours too

[Aedi]

Was expecting it to end with something like "So what deck you got?"
'oh, it's X'
"huh, haven't played that"

[FolloweroftheBlind]

The greatest parody on the channel yet.

[soysim]

Every mtg youtuber trying to figure out what decks havent been made yet while also trying to progress in the ladder