Neurodivergence - Wednesday Gets Therapized

Neurodivergence - Wednesday Gets Therapized //

Let's talk about Wednesday Addams in the Netflix series "Wednesday" and the concept of neurodivergence specifically, Autism. Is Wednesday Addams autistic? Is she neurodivergent? What is the evidence for that? And what can it teach us about people in our lives who are similar? Watch this video to learn more about neurodivergence and what it is.

Next, watch 🎥 You Just Need to Get Past It, They Said

🗓 Schedule a complimentary 15-minute Discovery Call with one of our therapists!

00:00 Neurodivergence
00:51 Wednesday clip
02:08 Social que
03:09 Mended Light Membership
05:00 The strength in neurodivergence
05:40 What is autism?
09:40 Be who you are and let other be as well
12:45 How to manage different expectations

#netflix #wednesday #mendedlight #jonathandecker

[isobelduncan]

I remember in the original movie with Christina Ricci when she's forced to go to camp and Morticia says "Wednesday is that the age when girls only have one thing on their mind", to which the councillor jokingly asks "boys?" and Wednesday replies "homicide". As someone who is autistic and absolutely loathed school activities that feeling is so relatable.

[tylerpaschall]

I am a hugger, and I have a lot of female friends for that reason because most men have issues being hugged by other men. I became friends with this girl in college who wasn't a hugger, but I was unaware of that and she didn't tell me. After a few months, I was hanging out with some other friends and they casually mentioned (not directed toward me) that my other friend didn't like hugs. In my head I was like "oh crap. I've been making my friend uncomfortable every time she sees me." So the next time I saw her when we were with a group of friends, I didn't hug her. She got offended and said, "Where's my hug?" "I was told that you don't like hugs, and I don't want you to be uncomfortable around me." "Well I like them from you." And we went for a hug. Don't know why she only liked them from me, there was never anything romantic going on, and we still have catch up chats to this day.

[alistaircaradec]

It's interesting how you point out the moments where Wednesday could have expressed empathy, but instead goes straight to the facts. When someone shares something important or sad with me, "that must be hard" is something I have to actively remind myself to say. To me, it feels like empty words. It feels artificial. Whereas asking for more info about the situation, or offering my own experience in response, feels like a genuine exchange, which is how I show that I care. I have trained myself to verbalise my sympathies, though, because it is clearly important to many people.
I have also become hesitant to respond in situations like that, because I'm afraid of appearing like I'm making it all about myself. I'm afraid my friend will think I'm dragging the spotlight away from them and onto myself. The thing is: in my brain, there is no spotlight to drag anywhere. Instead, there's a rain cloud hanging over my friend, and what I'm doing is stepping under it with them so that they're not all alone in the rain.

[DancingRainDrops]

Please please please do not mistake not being able to see emotion in a person with that person not feeling. I live this mis-read regularly. I hurts when I am accused of not feeling (or not feeling enough) in person and even more when it gets passed to me second hand. Yes, I am guarded and use my face weird; these facts are a far cry from "not feeling"

[hermionegrangerwannabe]

As someone on the autism spectrum myself, I really appreciate your emphasis on how important it is for autistic people to be accepted for who they are, both by themselves and others. It took me years to realize that there is nothing wrong with me for not understanding people's emotions and social cues and to instead look at all the strengths I get from autism. I really appreciate when those with a public platform like you use your expertise for more autism discussions and acceptance.

[Aprilmaedchen]

I am autistic and had no interest in wednesday as tim burton movies and Addams family iIterations never spraked my interest, I watched it only as several other autistic people told me how relatable it is and I was not disapointed I cant wait for a second season

[conniedowell]

I’m autistic, diagnosed about a year ago, so there is still so much I am learning about differences in neurotypes. And this video taught me something about neurotypical expectations. When Wednesday was talking to Bianca, it never once struck me as odd that she asked for more info instead of “empathizing” with her. To me, that WAS her empathizing with Bianca.

[writerintransience]

"There's a lot of pressure to conform...To do so would be a betrayal." You made me tear up. I'm autistic and ADHD and have been trying to fit in my whole life, before I found out I was neurodivergent in my late thirties. It's a hard habit to break, and I want better for the next generation. Only by people like you saying--and acting on the belief--that we are valuable as we are, can the stigma change.
Thank you.

[madysenbeaver]

Neurodivergent here: I am in the ADHD category of this mindset away from the norm: I love the Addams family so much because they love each other being different when many “real” families are quick to judge or shame a person with a different brain.
Great Video!!!

[reneparfait_]

As a person with a sibling with autism, I really appreciate how you said neurodivergent people just show their emotions differently. My brother is usually quiet and slightly stoic in his facial expressions, but once we bring up something he enjoys like fireworks, games, outer space, or birthday surprises, he lights up and gets loud and has the biggest smile. That also is hard for people to understand, and some extended family members joked he was "psycho" when he loudly surprised my mom with a confetti balloon he made. It's hard for people to understand that he has no boundary to show extreme joy when he's happy. It's also hard when they ask him questions and if he doesn't want to answer...he doesn't answer 😅
It took me 13 years (we're 6 years apart) to finally appreciate my brother for who he is and understand how he sees the world differently, but I'm glad that I did!

[mggbgmi]

My best friend is autistic and one of the best things for our friendship was me getting diagnosed with ADHD. While looking into ADHD and comparing it to autism I suddenly realized that the major differences between the two correlated with the biggest tensions in our friendship. Particularly, when I would suddenly cancel or change plans. I never knew why it was such a big deal. To me, changes in plans are usually exciting or a relief, even if I was looking forward to the original plan. And I get extremely frustrated and feel on edge if things are too predictable for too long. So I didn't realize that she actually needs that predictability. Now I do my best to stick to plans and if I might have to change or cancel them I make sure to let her know as early as possible so she has enough time to prepare for that possibility as well

[joanmilton]

It never occurred to me that Wednesday might be ND, particularly autistic, but it makes sense. The rest of the family are very affectionate towards each other. When Morticia, Gomez, and Pugsley are leaving Nevermore and Pugsley throws his arms around her, while Morticia knows to give Wednesday space...

Hyperfocus, while most strongly associated with ADHD, is part of autism, as well.

I think she, at first, hugs Enid back because Wednesday understands Enid could have died. But after a few moments, she realizes that she needs the hug as well.

[bennathrai]

Thank you so much for this message. As an ND person (mostly ADHD with a few extras) I've been suffering from being misunderstood all my life, and I've constantly been told there was something wrong with me and "that's not how people are supposed to behave".
I'll never forget the moment we were told in school to never trust anybody who won't look you in the eyes, because "they have something to hide". That really HURT, because I can't even lock eyes with people I'm really close with, much less total strangers. I had to learn to stare at the base of the nose to fake looking other people in the eyes just to not be outcast from society because of this stupid superstition.
On the other hand, my first German teacher will always have a very special place in my heart. She once told my parents (who always tried to force me into masking): "Your child spends most of my lessons staring out of the window, doodling patterns on their books or writing page upon page of made-up words into their exercise book. But when I ask them about the lesson, they always know the correct answer. That's fine with me, teaching is not about feeding my own ego by having children hang on my lips, it's about them learning something. And if they learn best by simply being themselves, that's great! So please stop telling them to sit still and look at me. That's not how their brain works, and that's totally okay."

[NeomiAshi]

I'm AuDHD (Autistic and ADHD) and really like how you handled this! One misconception is that we (Autistic people) don't feel empathy, but we do! The difference is in how we show it. Neurotypical people will typically show it by saying something like "I'm sorry!" or something similar, to show they understand what has happened and empathise. But for a Neurodivergent person, when we want to show empathy, we share a story from our own experiences that is similar to what the person we're talking to shared to show we understand and sympathise/empathise. To Neurotypical folks, this is generally seen as rude, as making the moment and discussion about ourselves instead of about them, but to Neurodivergent folks, it's a sign of understanding and empathy/sympathy. We also tend to have difficulty expression our emotions: Not necessarily entirely emotionless in appearance, or totally flat affectations, we may just have difficulty putting feelings into words or expressing them in a way that Neurotypicals find acceptable.
As for the Social Cues, that is also a spectrum of how we handle it. Some can read the Social Cues, and maybe even understand what they are, but the cues don't make sense and so get ignored or disregarded. Some can't recognise the cues, but can tell when they've missed something, Some can't recognise the cues and don't recognise the more subtle expression of lines being crossed. And, due to the consequences of crossing those lines, we're prone to overshare and overexplain everything just to make sure there are no misunderstandings.
How we tend to socialise is seen as strange. Our biggest ones, that seem the most common regardless of where we are in the massive spectrum, are Parallel Play (everyone is doing their own thing and just vibing side by side), Info Dumping (talking about our special interests at great length to a friend/whoever we're talking to, and then listening as they do the same), and Penguin Pebbling (I found this cool thing and thought you would like it/this thing made me think of you (gift sharing, but could also be meme sharing)).
We tend to Hyperfocus, often to the determent of ourselves and/or others. Wednesday was so focused on the mystery, which drew her interest, that she missed out on some cues of what was going on around her and the damage that was being caused. I know I've been so hyperfocused on something that I didn't eat for that day and barely remembered to drink/take my allergy medication. (I also have trouble sensing hunger and thirst in general, so it was easy to miss out on food and drink for the day and not notice) And then there's Executive Disfunction, which often gets called laziness, but really is our brains refusing to allow our bodies to move to do what we need to do or want to do. We know we have things to do, we want to do them, but we can't. And it get frustrating when people don't understand that.
When it comes to touch, we vary. Some love touch, some can't stand touch, and it can even very depending on if we are in a good headspace or nearing a meltdown or shutdown.

turned into a massive spiel, sorry! I could go on and on about this topic, and about the various struggles I have in navigating the world (Between my Autism, ADHD, SPD (Sensory Processing Disorder), RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria), Dyspraxia, Chronic Pain Condition (going on 16 years of trying to find a name for it and something to help it), and Semi-Verbal nature (I'm most comfortable when I don't have to speak, but I can speak when needed and can force speech as needed, but have Non-verbal days and go into Non-Verbal shut downs when overwhelmed), but I think I've already shared a bit too much for a simple video about Wednesday and Neurodivergence.
So I'll end by saying this: If you know one Neurodivergent person, then you know ONE Neurodivergent person. The spectrum is massive, so even though there are some traits we'll share, there will also be plenty of things that are unique to each Neurodivergent person.
All we ask is that you have patience and understanding when working with us, and that you remember we are just as complex as you.

[lbclark]

I just wanted to point out that when Enid says, “Because that’s what friends do. They don’t have to be asked. And the fact that you don’t know that says everything” – that’s a mess. People are not mindreaders. They don’t know the specific needs of others. They do have to be asked. Because every brain is different. Every person is different. Everyone has different needs, even in similar situations. What is affirming and helpful for one person can actually be damaging to another. We need to normalizing asking for what we need, and hearing others when they do.

[ninetailskwami]

YES! I'm goth & autistic. Watching Wednesday was like looking in a mirror. I don't catch all these details because, to me, she acts normally. I don't pick up on the social cues the other characters are giving her either, and she always responds similarly to how I would have, so hearing the non autistic perspective on Wednesday is amusing.

[ReubenRovak]

I'm Autistic, and I appreciate the approach you showed here. Its nice to hear someone talk about the strengths of neurodivergence and not just the shortcomings. I'm over 40 and still struggling with social relationships. I WANT to be around people, and I just can't figure out how to make that happen, even though many folks say I'm friendly and fun to be around. It's still impossible to go past friendship or hold a job. It shouldn't be this hard. Just one point of difference in what you talked about in the video. We do have and experience the normal range of human emotions, we just don't express them or show them in ways neurotypical folks recognize. Sometimes we can't identify or label exactly WHAT we're feeling, but we do feel it...sometimes very little, sometimes too much!

[derikbradford]

I think the biggest thing everyone misunderstands about Wednesday is that she actually loves her family but is afraid they might die if she loves them after the trauma of her pet scorpion being killed by bullies when she was a little girl.

[theveganflower]

As a neurodivergent person adhd ( some Dr's have had some suspension about autism), the thing about Wednesday is that she is empathetic she does feel but not in the traditional way. Social cues are hard, and a lot of my persona is preppy in a melodramatic kind of way. But I learned to be over dramatic because I was taught that emotional flatness isn't enough cue to know what you actually mean. So I over emphasize my emotions for others.its not me being fake. It's just the times I grew up in that they emphasized cbt and teaching kids the "right way" of emoting. If it were up to me, I'd be more flat. Not like Wednesday per se but somewhere close. Again the emotion is there for Wednesday it's just that she's not over verbalize or emoting. But the care and empathy is 100% there.

[theresisty]

My therapist recommended CinemaTherapy to me. I have binged all those videos and now am binging these. I am neurodivergent (ADHD) and diagnosed (along with the ADHD) with clinical depression, GAD, and CPSTD. Y'all's videos have helped me much--keep up the fantastic work!