Why have we stigmatized and marginalised the stay-at-home mom? | Ben Young | TEDxOxbridge

Using stay-at-home moms as a case study, Ben Young tackles the polarization and prejudices rampant in discussions of gender in the workplace and in society at large.

Ben Young graduated with University Honors from Brigham Young University with a BA in Economics, and a minor in Business Management. After graduation, he worked in the insurance and non-pro t arenas, specializing in data analytics and visualization. Outside of work, Ben is an avid baseball fan and an a cappella nerd. He also works as a freelance BI consultant, advising busi- nesses on Tableau implementations and analytics best practices, as well as conducting webinar trainings. He and his wife Aubrey both currently study at Oxford University when not playing with their two daughters, Joan and Ruth.

[theresa]

“The homemaker has the ultimate career. All other careers exist for one purpose only – and that is to support the ultimate career.” - C.S. Lewis

[nataliemoliterno]

It is astonishing to me that child care is a profession when it is someone else's kids, but laziness when it's your own. Thankfully, I do not live and die by the approval of others so I have no insecurities about my decision to stay home. It also help immensely that I live in a part of the country where it is still a common choice. We recognize that only the individual can know what is best for themselves in every other instance, but decide to stay home with your littles (because it just flat makes financial sense) and everyone loses their minds.
In my experience, most women end up marrying men 2-3 years older than them. The narrative is pretty consistent, "he was finished with school, we wanted to start our lives together. He got a job offer in another town. He had a marketable education and I wasn't out of school yet." People have a larger goal of being married and having children and make decisions in their specific circumstances to support that goal. I also know plenty of couples who waited until she was finished with school to have kids and either she never entered the workforce or they opted for daycare. I don't know what is best for your family, sometimes I don't know what is best for my family (shocker)! We need to give each other the grace to make decisions in wisdom and alter course if those decisions don't pan out. When you stigmatize a decision like this it can cause a person to be unwilling to change for their own benifit due to pride (a need to show them they are wrong). So if you are considering talking a young lady out of staying at home, don't. Give her space and support and the room to change her mind if all of your fears and worse case scenarios come true.

[tarb]

A bigger question might be "Why do we think it's normal to have kids and then immediately entrust their care and education to total strangers until age 18?"

[marthar]

My mom was a working mom. She was never around and I honestly don't recall her presence during the fundamental milestones in my life even though she properly fed, clothed and sheltered me. I love my mom. I'm just not close to her. I spent most of my time alone and that's what I am use to. After getting my degree, having the career, when it was time to raise a family I asked to stay at home. I've been a SAHM for the last 15 years and only now trying to start a business...from home. There are sacrifices and we don't drive fancy cars but my kids are amazing and wouldn't trade the time I've spent with them. Oh it's also nice to finally start seeing a "return on investment" because my kids are well-mannered, respectful and we get along.

[SungJongiesMine]

My mom was a stay at home mom and our relationship was stronger because of it. I remember her making me lunches of rolled up bologna and cheese and grapes on the side and she would hangout with me and watch cartoons while I ate. Best childhood ever. I plan on being a stay at home mom for my kids. They deserve to be raised by their mother and have that bonding time in such a crucial and impressionable time of their life.

[laughingtigress]

How about stay-home-mom homeschoolers? Double the stigma, half the time. What's so unnatural about raising and teaching our own young? Most mammals do.

[katspov]

"What do you do all day?"

I don't know but it takes me all day to do it.

My favorite response. lol

[spiritisalive]

I'm a stay at home mom, I wish I could be lazy, but I don't have the time.😒😒😒

[Jessie-ujsm]

I'm a stay-at-home mom, but I love the term homemaker because you have to make your house a home. Peaceful and happy home life makes all the difference in how someone interacts with the world.

[acmulhern]

I am a full-time working mother and I feel incredibly guilty about letting other people raise my children. I don't see why anyone would judge a mother for spending time with her children. I just wish there were more stay at home fathers as well.

[cynthiamarquez]

Taking care of our little humans is a very important job

[SandraNelson]

A stay at home mom is: head chef, chauffeur, housekeeper, child care worker, head secretary, teacher, head finance officer, chief supply officer, entertainment/morale officer, social worker, medical technician...a stay at home mom is VASTLY over qualified for most employment positions.

[TheLaviezeb]

Master's Degree, SAHM who homeschools here, and the sacrifice is completely worth it.

[mikamiks]

I’m a scientist and that 1 year I was a stay at home mum was the most exhausting, stressful and emotional year of my life . Never again. Much respect to those who do this for years !!

[violetblue]

People looked surprised when I told them I’m a stay home mom. They said I dressed too well to be a stay home mom. Am I suppose to look sloppy just because I cook, clean and take care of the kids every day?

[Angelofthursday]

It always amazes me when people think a stay at home parent could be lazy. I mean, have these people never watched a small child for a couple hours, or even just spent a few hours in a house with a small child in it?
Small children don't stop unless they're sleeping. They always want to play, or eat, or go outside, or need help putting their pants back on because they took them off but now they want them back on but they can't do the button.

[AnastasiaR]

Everyone talks about being a SAHM like it’s a permanent choice. For many, if not most, it’s a season of life. We can work, go to school, have kids and stay home when they need us most, and then return to work. For many mothers it’s a season that lasts only until their children are in school and they can work part-time or full-time. So 5 years. Would you think less of a university student who chose to focus on their studies and not work for 5 years? No, you’d probably respect them even more. So why do we do this to SAHMs?
Also, for lower income families it’s sometimes not even a choice. Daycare can cost more per hour than many women can make in an hour. So what do you recommend she do? This attitude is everywhere. It can be tinged with internalized sexism and classism against mothers, and people like to ignore the logistics of a child’s needs.

[DBT]

I became a YouTuber because the stigma that SAHMs are lazy and don’t do anything all day is so pathetic. It’s a sacrifice that I chose to make because my family is more important than anything. My mother was a nurse and she quit working to be home with me. I wouldn’t trade the memories that I made with her for anything and I owe her more than I could ever give her because it’s a selfless sacrifice. I don’t judge any mother because we are all doing the best we can do. We tightened our budget, I quit my corporate job and made this decision and we’ve never regretted it. ❤️

[Nativegirl]

Parents are absent and we wonder what's wrong with the youth? 🤦

[michellebrandt]

My 7yo is listening to this with me, and when he showed the slide where it said sahms are lazy etc she said "no, they aren't. Because I have one." 💜