The Real Reason It's So Hard to Recover from Childhood PTSD

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Abuse and neglect in childhood can set in motion lifelong trauma symptoms. The people who hurt you are 100% responsible for this harm, and it's good if you can acknowledge that it's not your fault. It's also true that in adulthood, many of us continue to retraumatize ourselves with what I call "self-defeating behaviors." These are the habits and tendencies that can suck you right back down into dysregulation and lead you into MORE trauma in your life. In this video I walk you through the most common self-defeating behaviors; are any of these still active in your life?

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[eli_]

I can’t put it into words, how much I appreciate what you are doing and sharing and teaching us! Your content has helped me a lot and every day I am learning more. You are a blessing! Wish you were my friend or mommy 💕😁

[Noemi-um]

Overuse of media, unfulfilling work, under-earning and neglect of self (clothes, medical appointments). And starting and maintaining unhealthy relationships, friendships and family ties. Some fantasy, procrastination and debting as well. Avoidance. Those are mine.

[Leftatalbuquerque]

My father recently died. For the first time, there is no one looking at me in disgust, or yelling at me or threatening me. It is a whole new world, Regina.

[GTaichou]

ID and Pick 1 or 2 at a time to work on:

1. @6:06 Black and white thinking
2. @7:22 Neglect of your body
3. @7:52 Addictive use of food
4. @8:42 Addictive use of media and entertainment
5. @9:15 Dishonesty
6. @9:42 Work problems
6.5. @10:01 Underearning
7. @11:17 Procrastination
8. @12:29 Clutter
9. @13:50 Blame
10. @14:46 Numbing with substances [HIGH PRIORITY]
11. @15:09 Irritability
12. @15:33 Attraction to troubled people (partners AND friends)
13. @16:04 Unfulfilling romantic relationships (or avoidance of romantic relationships)
14. @16:44 Abuse of your sexuality
15. @17:19 Fantasy
16. @18:12 Avoidance
17. @18:51 Debting (monetary)
18. @20:07 Repeating traumatic patterns

**List may feel overwhelming but remember it's NOT YOUR FAULT and you don't have to change everything at once.

[daniellehall]

I was just recently thinking about all the self destructive acts I committed since the 1980s, and the regret of undermining my own potential, and beating myself up for not understanding my own anger and self-loathing. But the truth is, all this understanding of CPTSD wasn't available when I was in my thirties and forties. It wasn't until 2016 at 53 that I began to piece together the puzzle of childhood neglect and scapegoating. I'm sixty now, and I've only begun to make some breakthroughs in healing. So to any sufferers of CPTSD: there's no way you could have known it wasn't your fault twenty-thirty years ago.

[perandersson]

I think one thing that people with CPTSD (me included) are experiencing, is a feeling of being inferior and stupid for having these traits and for having CPTSD. We are so deeply identified with our wounds and we also believe it's our fault that we are the way we are.

[ALTheFreeMan]

Now that I’m almost 3 years sober, I’ve noticed that I can’t stop ruminating. In my younger days when I was drinking and partying, I never thought about my past, I didn’t even know what trauma was. I’m pretty sure I was self-medicating and didn’t realize it. But, now that I’m sober and more educated on C-PTSD, it’s like my mind is constantly analyzing the past and trying to put all the broken pieces together, but it’s just a vicious cycle, I keep going down the same roads and coming up with the same conclusions.

[Jonchalant]

It takes a tremendous amount of courage to get in front of so many people and share your life, thank you

[genxbeyotch]

I am my own worst enemy, every single day

[tommydinob]

The trauma changes the neurobiology and structures. I literally can’t out think it.

[claramoura]

I only started healing when I left my parent’s house and went low contact! I still have a lot to work on but feel better and more like myself every day!

[kimwilliamson]

We don’t always retraumatize ourselves because there are so many people who want to hurt someone who’s already been hurt. Never confide past traumas because these will be used as a roadmap for future abuse.

[caroleminke]

Magical thinking has caused me to hurt myself by believing in unscrupulous people like narcissists who can pretend to be the knight to my literal Cinderella & end up repeating traumatic patterns

[Des-Laine]

My abusive father just died. I have some of my best memories with him, yet some of my worst. It's really strange to mourn someone you loved, but also have anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness, towards.💔🙏

[NigelGale]

This is a great video. After being fired from a few jobs for some of these self-defeating behaviours, I had a dark night of the soul (it took a few months) to finally understand where I was going wrong.

It takes work. Always, and daily. This video is a great reminder.

I know one thing is true: absolutely nothing feels better than growing.

[taratheintuitivehealer]

Breathwork and meditation is life changing for me, it regulates the vagus nerve and now I love myself unconditionally, unapologetically

[StrongRock]

Wounds of trauma that happened when you were a kid: Self-defeatijg behaviors:

Lashing out at people
Black & White thinking
Neglect of body - don't exercise
Addictive use of food - sugar and carb food coma
Dishonesty - exaggerating, lying
Work problems - work that is not meaningful to you
Procrastination - freeze - move your body
Clutter is a retraumatizer
Blame - bitterness; rhink all problems due to one thing e.g. sexism
Irritability
The attraction to troubled partners and friends
Fantasy - successful future fantasy without doing the hard work, delusional thinking
Avoidance -
Habit of repeating traumatic patterns

[lulumoon]

Once I realized I was using others to abuse myself, & retraumatizing through behaviors, it was hard but freeing! 👍🙏🕊️

[markbrown]

Thank you, good video. I was adopted as a baby and raised by an adoptive mother who suffered from depression (bizarrely her doctor recommended adoption as an answer to her depressive issues, it wasn't) don't get me wrong my adoptive parents are very good people, however my mother has spent a lifetime running herself down and not being ok in herself. I suffered a major depressive incident a few years ago (i thought i was fine until then) and i am only just recovering and realising that many of my issues are related to my early years. So many of these self defeating behaviours are regrettably true for me. Every day is a fight to move forward I have lost everything and am starting again in my mid fifties. On the plus side I am addressing my issues and making slow but steady progress. I wish I knew what was wrong with me for all these years, looking back over failed marriages, and a pattern for attracting problematic partners, while not ever knowing how I actually felt about pretty much anything for most of my life is painful to come to terms with. I know I have a long way to go. But a better understanding of what i can do and change things gives me real hope.

[stephm]

I noticed that as soon as I felt rested and healthier, I would suddenly crave things that would affect me negatively, like caffeine and it would feel like a treat, but would then throw me off for a while. I thought I was treating myself, but was sabotaging myself and trying to seek comfort because feeling good was so foreign to me. Now I still try to think more about "treats" and "rewards." Kind of sad reality to want to escape from feeling healthy.