How to Be Memorable, Interesting and Likable

Being good guest doesn't - ultimately - have to do with not being a nuisance and laughing along with your hosts. It means having a character, which may mean daring to be oneself.

FURTHER READING

“It’s normal to want to be a good guest; an intense wish to please tends to guide us when we accept a dinner invitation or spend a weekend with friends. And we generally fulfil this ambition by following a leading theory of what satisfies other humans: we mimic our hosts. We follow their lead in the conversation, we discuss what they want to discuss, we eat when they want to eat. We are malleable, we adjust; we laugh at pretty much anything they find funny. It sounds extremely generous and deeply well-intentioned but there’s a strange aspect to this theory: the mimetic person is not, in practice, especially pleasing. They may not be offensive, but nor are they particularly memorable, interesting or even likeable.”

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CREDITS

Produced in collaboration with:

Nick Hilditch

[briantobias]

I remember I went over my friends new apartment once for a house warming party. There was trash everywhere towards the end of the night. I cleaned up the table and dumped all the trash in the can. My friend came out of the bathroom and said, dude, you will forever be welcomed back here. Always help clean up.

[HumansOfVR]

*Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.*

[detonationlurks]

This one cuts deep. I had to hide so many aspects of my true self from my parents growing up, and I have an extremely hard time really opening up to my friends, and to not make people-pleasing my no. 1 priority in social situations.

[natemarx]

I had a guest over once and we were speaking in Portuguese. Both me and this person speak multiple languages and he asked me, out of respect, if he can speak in English for the remainder of the conversation. That has stuck with me since this day since most people will just disregard the fact that you may feel more comfortable speaking in a certain language and will switch it up to another like it's nothing, without asking if it's okay, as they sit across from you in your living room. Such a good guest. :)

[hourtohournotetonote]

I'm a high school exchange student in Finland, I've only arrived at my host families house today and I've been afraid of seeming too weird or different, this video is just what I needed!

[niloufar]

Damn, I'm speechless at your greatness. You touch upon some issues that are being discussed nowhere. Kudos

[Empire_JeSzO]

This channel is like a life tutorial for sociopath. Thanks

[elgooges]

Excellent points indeed, if you really think about everyone who is memorable or "famous" in a sense, you notice right away that that person did not adhere to social norms at all. They always said what was on their mind and did things their way.

[Kanooodledoodle]

"Telling a complete stranger their idea about where squirrels go at night." That just put a huge smile on my face. Thank you for that.
And thank you of course, for yet another wonderful, insightful video!

[bridirectorycom]

You have reinforced the philosophy of applying the yin and yang with concrete exaples of social norms in the context of being a guess. I subscribe and thus apply the philosophy of yin and yang in all aspects of my life be it as a guest, parenting, debates, etc. It works like a charm...

[rhondavanderbeek]

Ah, sound advice: dare to respectfully share your peculiarities, your preferences, your “touching weirdness”. Just BE your authentic, lovably eccentric self.

[TheLifeFormulaa]

Don't eat all the host's food

[solomontuke]

The 3 best things I've learned so far about being a good guest/conversationalist are:
1) Talk about what I know. (Be a good learner and ask questions if I have nothing to contribute.)
2) Talk about what I love. (Easily get into arguments? Try this. It's hard to tell someone they're wrong about how they feel)
3) Speak in 1st person unless actually giving direction. (I'm so tired of even newscasters saying things like, "When you go to school... When you are driving the road, you have to..." It helps to avoid communicating judgment or antagonism to start with "When I drive..." or "When picking a restaurant, I..." )

[TanayaBorah]

I am about to be a guest in my friend's house for a few days and this came at the right time!

[WillTheSage]

Lao Tzu reminds us to act more child like in spontaneity. Thanks as always for such a thoughtful video.

[Vivi-xqgg]

Guests should respect the people's (To whose house they're going to) boundaries

[EmperorOfCookies]

how to be a good guest: accept the kindness of your host. other people want to make u feel good so if they offer to pay for ur meal or do something a lil extra nice, accept it with a smile

[LL-ljkq]

Well, I try to accommodate my guest, so I’d like them to be grateful and friendly. Not demanding “an egg “ but appreciate what was prepared for them by their host.

[fangirlfortheages]

How are u able to so eloquently express such abstract ideas? I just have started to realize this and apply it to when I go to friends houses. And although I think the childhood roots of the phenomena were a little oversimplified, I think the video was overall so insightful. Thank you school of life.

[wutzgedudel]

This is unintentionally relevant for the scale of our current society's minefield-like discourse.
The developement of language policing, mob justice and a trend to tightly control social ideas, is chipping away at peoples happiness.
It produces a fear to engage in badly needed genuine human interaction, because of the never ending wire walk not to offend anybody. People don't need to be coddeld, they need to be able to joke about each other and themselves & give each other firm hugs after. That's what makes hearty, happy people.