AITA for telling my mom I'll never let her husband adopt me and she needs to get over it?

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Story: AITA for telling my mom I'll never let her husband adopt me and she needs to get over it?

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[jamestown]

NTA. If Dan was such a “good man” then he would respect OP’s boundaries and accept “no” for an answer.

[boarder]

Regret the decision in the future? Sounds like a threat.

[DeckerJimenez]

Sounds to me, op is the only mature person in this situation mom and dan are throwing a tantrum and the dad is spiraling due to PTSD and his addiction

[IAmTheSarcasmQueen]

NTA if Dan was such a good guy, he would respect OP's boundaries

[jesschen]

Just because you chose to abandon your husband in his time of need, doesnt mean absolutely everyone else has to also. She is just a vindictive AH whos only goal in life now is making your father as miserable as possible.

[jessicathompson]

NTA obviously. Tell your mom that just because she replaced your dad doesn't mean you ever will.

[Gamer.ezzy]

To be honest it's understandable for someone like ops dad to do such a thing, not everyone can be fixed with medicine and therapy after they came back from the military and if the mom doesn't understand that and was practically trying to force op to accept Dan as her "dad" then might as well let op move in with her dad, both her and Dan don't understand or know what ops dad went through and everything he saw so everything they did was unacceptable so no op your NTA

[IsisRenee]

Our poor veterans come home to this. Smh yes I’m a veteran.

[IkatashiPaku]

NTA. Both mom and Dan don't get you can't force a relationship that's unwanted. They're also not getting that OP has set a boundary and they aren't respecting it.

[lynnejamieson]

Why do both the mother and the step father feel that there needs to be an adoption for them to be a family? Why does the mother think that anyone is going to believe that she will allow contact between the OP and their Dad if the Dad gave up his parental rights, she is already trying to restrict contact when he has those rights. The forcing of the adoption issue and slagging off of the OP’s Dad is only ensuring that the OP will be hostile to any attempt at making them a family and will result in pushing them away in the long term.

[vimeli]

nta but i will say i can sorta understand the mom, she keeps bringing up the drug thing which is obviously not something a kid should be around but completely limiting any contact and trying to force the stepfather is the wrong way to go about that

[coolash]

It's all cool and all but if it was the mother this scenario wouldn't be tolerated by either family or society 😅

[MeanCookie]

Maybe a hot take, but i really don't think the daughter should be included into a pre-existing tradition. It's much better to create new traditions, as for the wife's kids it can easily feel like this new sibling is being forced upon them and that this new family is more important than the family they had before. It's a safer bet to leave that tradition alone and create a new one.

[pfytoyd]

This is a kind of iffy situation b/c OP’s bio-dad isn’t mentally well enough to take care of OP if her mom suddenly does die. I’m guessing the dad is still doing drugs & if that’s true then I don’t really understand why OP keeps taking her dad side. At the end of the day, he isn’t well enough to be a dad. You could still keep him in your life, but it’s obvious the mom just wants what’s best for her. However, the mom trying to limit OP’s time with her dad is just pushing her more towards her dad. Idk, I understand where the mom is coming from, but at the same time there’s nothing she could do about it. I can’t sympathize with the dad though b/c yeah he went through traumatic, but doing drugs… really. It’s selfish af. Especially seeing as he has a child & wife (at the time). I just tend to think about other people who went through the same things & they don’t resort to drugs. They deal with it.