AITA for telling my mom we don’t view her eldest as our brother? Dusty Reads & Reacts!

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AITA for telling my mom we don’t view her eldest as our brother and she needs to stop forcing him on us?

Dusty Thunder narrates stories from Reddit, follower submissions, and other sources and provides reactions.

#storytime #redditstories #storyreaction #voiceover #asconscale #aita

[anakaliaeastwood]

Making your children hold a photo of a deceased baby in holiday photos is disgustingly morbid to me.

[sharonhoupt]

Mom needs therapy ASAP! And the rest of her family needs to stand their ground and say "NO".

[bbayley]

I have experience with this. My first born passed shortly after birth. I had a son after that. He knows of her. He’s never been required to talk about her. When talking with him or about him to others, I say that he is my only child. My ex says that he is his first born. The only people who know are close friends and family. Also my doctor. Hahaha!! Don’t make grief your whole life. This mom needs therapy.

[ShootingStarStudio]

Having your children hold a picture of a deceased baby every year for the holiday card makes the Addams family look like ordinary people. OP doesn’t mention if the photo is a sonogram picture or a picture of the baby’s corpse—a sonogram photo is a little less creepy than one of a dead baby—but the fact that this has gone on for so long is depressing.

[plaidpockets]

When my daughter was 4 she wanted a pink show horn for Christmas… and she got it.
Kids shoes are hard to put on! All kids should have one

[EsotericLeo]

I'm friends with someone that posted a pic of her stillborn son on FB and to this day I can't get it out my head. I know it was a healing process for her, but it was so unexpected that I actually feel resentment about it 6 plus years later. Once you realize what your seeing, it's jarring. I can't imagine if a loved one forced an image like that on me for every holiday. I'm f**ked up from seeing an image for less than 3 seconds 6 years ago. 🤕

[susansmart]

I'm a professional counselor and there is still a huge stigma which surrounds mental health. You would visit a professional if you had an imbalance in your body like diabetes so why not visit a professional to help you handle a mental health concern? It is healthy to address physical, mental and spiritual health. It leads to comfort and happiness for the person and their loved ones.

[megnotmegan]

Mama needs therapy, stat. This is just way too much.

[Positivekitten]

Dusty, I just wanted to say that I’ve only found your channel within the last few months, but you are an absolute favorite! The maturity and empathy in your responses is wonderful, plus your overall humor and clear love between you and your family mak cups posts something I look forward to.

[traciwoods-dennis]

NOMYGOD! Ok... good grief. Mom and Dad need intensive therapy. I believe the 3 siblings have been forced to acknowledge the missing 4th for so long they are fed up now. Yeah he IS the eldest, but come on. I've never met my biological father. He probably got married after my mother had me and has more children. I realize I probably have half siblings floating around. Do I mention or acknowledge them or my father for that matter? No. He doesn't get to be in pride of place because he's nothing to me.

NTA and for the love of all that's Holy GET SOME HELP!

[jamijenkins]

OP's mom needs some serious therapy for sure. Otherwise, she is going to force wedge in between all of her children and herself. Also, if she continues, I foresee her having no relationship with any future grandchildren.

[evies]

Different ways of grieving. I have fond memories of my brother that passed suddenly when he was barely 16. I was 11 when he passed. I remember when I was little and he put me on the handlebars of his bike and we rode it to the library where he helped me get my very own library card. When people ask how many siblings I have I include him in the number. But, major milestones after that, i.e., graduations, weddings and such he was not mentioned nor was there a picture of him there. And there were no pictures of any deceased family members.

I think the idea of a small picture that the mother can carry concealed in her purse is an excellent idea. I wonder if she feels any guilt over the baby being stillborn. That might be why she can't let it go, survivors remorse.

[SCWritingPrompts]

Now I agree with OP that the wedding stuff should stand. It's their brother's day and it should focus on him and the one he's marrying. And I agree they're not the asshole but what I do think is it's a bit insensetive to tell their mother they don't count her first baby as their brother. Yes I get that they never knew him.

But I also get why the mother would want to have them count him as a brother. It was probably one way she was trying to deal with not only the pain but guilt that some mothers feel after losing a child even though it's not their fault.

[tohrurikku]

I have at least one sibling that survived birth, but died within infancy, and I count them as my siblings. But it would be in poor taste to include still births into my sibling count in public. The way our society works still births are a private thing for the parents to grieve over. The way OP's parents remember their baby is not healthy. They are showing off a picture of a dead baby in public, that is not a honorable way to remember anyone. They are also creating a fantasy around the baby too, and they need to wake up from it.

[JemFabulous]

As someone who has been through 2 stillbirth and multiple miscarriages - NTA. Her trauma is not everyone else's trauma to bear. There are a million other ways to manage the grief on a daily basis AND especially on milestones which, to be fair, are THE MOST difficult days. It will require a slow pullback because it's been enabled for so many years. Get a therapist that specializes in PAIL, not just a regular therapist. This is a different kind of grief. I learned that the hard way.

[chandrasunny]

I'm 30 and a shoehorn is a device used to leaver on and off difficult shoes and boots (often made of wood or horn in history) but also figuratively a term used to indicate forcing something into a conversation unaturaly; the way OP used the term.
*edit spelling*

[fralshj]

I know what a shoe horn is but I've never heard it used in the way OP did. Lol

[kayjacoby]

Take out why she wants to "include" James, and it's still inappropriate to not respect the boundaries of the couple on their wedding day. Or the wishes of your adult children who are not your dependents. At some point, parents should put their childrens' feelings & needs on at least even footing as their own.

Thirty years ago (1994) therapy & support groups would have been readily available for OP's parents. No stigma should have been attached to seeking help through such a dark time. Even if they didn't get the help they needed then; they & the rest of the family can see that their behavior is having a negative impact on their children, and should want to address that.

[michellebrickner]

James will never be able to rest in peace if his parents keep digging him back up. They need to stop focusing so much on the child who unfortunately is no longer with them and focus on the ones who are or they will lose them all.

[cheshiredeimos]

It wasn't my 9th grade genealogy project that I ever knew my dad had a second sister.