7 Steps To Winning The Narcissist's Invalidation Game

Once a narcissist begins invalidating you, it's tempting to become drawn into a competition you are sure to lose. Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter offers a winning strategy so you will be able to walk away from those episodes victorious. Hint: Your version of winning will not be the same as the narcissist's.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.

We receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. We only recommend services that we trust.

Coffee mugs:

[alanayazyam]

“You win by not trying to win” that’s it exactly

[almak]

These videos literally make me cry. Like every single one. It's the most validating and empowering content I've come across. Dr. Carter, you've helped me navigate a highly contentious divorce and keep my sanity for my young daughter, and my heart couldn't thank you more deeply if it beat til the end of time. Your calm, assertive assurance has made all the difference. Life affirming gift from your soul to ours.

[sattaway]

It is very important to let them know they have no power over you, your decisions, your time, your preferences...your anything. Usually that means no contact because they will NOT stop.

[chinookvalley]

Playing their game only makes you their pawn. And they will call Check Mate every time. Walk away with a smile on your face. That is how you WILL win. They will despise you and hurt you for winning, but you must learn to walk away. Take back your self, your dignity, your hopes, your dreams, before they take it ALL from you and leave you bloody and dying. You know you deserve better. You matter and you deserve to be happy.

[MrsShirotora]

Who else needs an outline of this on a poster? I seriously might make one.

[mysticat]

"They want to rob you of your own legitimacy by making you a counterpart to their silly games." POW! Thank you Dr. Carter 🤣

[MR-lzgq]

1-Pause, say I would like to understand what you would like me to know.
2-state your perspective, calmly
3-when you receive push back....say, I understand that is your perspective
4-I am comfortable with what I have already decided
5-nonetheless I am holding firm to my decision
6-Do what you have said you will do
7-make no further defense
TIPS
(Determine not to go into anger mode)
(Have confidence in yourself and your own intentions)
(Lack of shock when they need to be in control)
(Be able to spot the power play they will try)
Excellent Dr Carter!!!!

[strongwon]

Don’t let them know anything. Don’t make any proclamations of how things are going to be now. Just win by never ever ever showing your cards. Don’t seek their validation. One day after your life, all will look back and see your decisions and strength and silent stealth victory with envy! Be strong friends! Continue to shine when not around them. If you mope around, you’ve given your life over to their victory. Stand up! Chin up! Dress up! Walk tall! Hold your cards! Smile! Enjoy a smoothie! Tell yourself you’re going to be strong and safe and successful and you will watch 100 more videos until you learn how!! Fill your heart with dreams and joy! Have hope! Have faith! Change so you’re never a target again! Be careful who you let into your life or what bosses come into your life uninvited! Always always from now on I will assess if someone’s a narcissist BEFORE I ever let them know me! We are good and light and love, and that’s why they can’t stand us. So shine on the inside and fir the rest of the people who need your light each day! And don’t let t them dim your sparkle when they aren’t even around. It’s a heavy load and a lot to carry...so when they aren’t around, put it down and get strong!!!!
We’re in this together survivors! Be strong!

[marykoch]

I have learned with a particular person to not get locked into angry and defensive mode. This keeps my vibration raised and gives me peace of mind!

[danielcase]

A good lesson to be learned; Don't ever depend on any one person to bring you happiness. That depends on you, yourself from deep inside.

[Brittany-jf]

OMG, my two N's once actually said "We know more about everything than you do!" So glad I was able to eliminate them from my life.

[jimrowan]

Key thing I found is to remove the narcissist completely from your life.

[tedschmitt]

My ex wife of 31 years NEVER admitted that I had a good point or that I was even remotely correct. EVEN when she was busted in lying.

These are great steps. Step #7 is a lesson that I learned from a lawyer friend several years ago - sometimes the best response is NO response.

[JusticeForNicholeAlloway]

"Do they validate you?" Yup, she sure does, because she's been in therapy long enough that she realized it's a great way to manipulate people and give the impression that she is actually listening/cares.

[mommajones]

As I’m currently in my 40’s I feel like I’m learning about what life is supposed to look like for the first time
Your approach to the videos of calmly explaining the facts and a proper response is beyond helpful.

My Father is a malignant covert narcissist, my mother is a fragile victim narcissist and they were leaders in a religious cult for about 10 years during my childhood.

Talk about a life full of lies, deceit and mind-f*ckery.

Your videos have helped explain the world in which I was raised! In such a clear and concise way I can finally start mentally processing my life/trauma.

[joannajohnson]

After 10 years of being told I am "insignificant" by my NARC husband, I am going to a SAFE SPACE far away from him....more and more every minute.

[PamOliveiraTarot]

Thank u! Stay away from narcissists. Period.

[ThrivingWithGaylaDGaia]

After watching this video several times, I realized it's really true. The shock factor has to go! It's totally believable that a narcissist will be a narcissist and it's also true that the more I focus on not playing the power games and just focus on being a decent person, the less effect that narcissistic people will have on me. There's no need to try to get a narcissist to understand what they've done to you. It's not within my pay grade to make those dots connect. It's enough to realize, hey this doesn't work for me and there's other things that do. I can just move on and let the ties totally fall away. I don't think that they are the type to chase me so moving out will be the end of the game here. Thanks much for making these videos! Extremely helpful

[juanitajackson]

Oh how I wish this information was available 40 years ago. I imagine my life would be completely different. I was the target of a family member all my life. She died 5 years ago and I didn’t completely understand the narcissist mindset until about 3 years ago. Your video on gaslighting described my life perfectly, I thought it was just me. I am so glad to have this information now to help with the healing process.

[TheAncksunamen]

Thank you as always Dr. Carter for continuing to help, educate and guide us. I greatly appreciate everything you do. Please give little Gus chin scratches and hugs from me. 💕