How to be a better person: the unexpected driver of kindness

Many people want to know how to be a better person. In today's episode, I discuss the implications from one of my favorite psychological studies, which reveals an unexpected driver of kindness. In general, it is those with some measure of prosperity -- of having an abundance of resources above and beyond what they need for their own personal use -- who are most likely to actually be of service to others. Ultimately, one of the best ways to help others is -- paradoxically -- to first help yourself.

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Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #kindness #selfimprovement

[psychacks]

Many people want to know how to be a better person. In today's episode, I discuss the implications from one of my favorite psychological studies, which reveals an unexpected driver of kindness. In general, it is those with some measure of prosperity -- of having an abundance of resources above and beyond what they need for their own personal use -- who are most likely to actually be of service to others. Ultimately, one of the best ways to help others is -- paradoxically -- to first help yourself.



Buy my book, "The Value of Others"

Book a paid consultation:


Social Media




Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:

Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com

Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.

#psychology #kindness #selfimprovement

[GLDn]

"Help yourself so that you can help others."

[fateunreal]

My cousin was in a nasty motorcycle accident.
He rear-ended a semi truck and He lost his arm.
He was saved by a former army medic who was late for work.
I am so thankful that he stopped even though he was late for work.
There is no doubt my cousin wouldn't have made it if it wasn't for him!

[catielove]

"So much easier to help others if you have enough yourself." Truth. Appreciating your work and videos!

[joeg]

Spot on. I work about 13 days a month. When I got a 90%raise two years ago, I was finally able to be of great service to charity, friends, extended family. I didn't by a bunch of "things" to clutter my life. I have improved my mood (keeps the depression away) by active altruism. Helping others with money to progress in their goals has an altruistic multiplier effect. All this isn't possible without my 90% raise. The trick is to not want extravagant material things!

[Andomosity]

This leads me to believe that one of the biggest reasons we see less acts of kindness and less of people lending a hand to strangers today is because so many people "have no time" to try to help a stranger. This is super interesting because it makes you ask "why do so many people have no time to help a stranger?" And the answer is most likely because they are trying to get more money to ease the feelings of economic hardship. And getting more money requires more of your time (for regular W2 americans like myself). I try to do something nice to someone everyday so that I make it a habit. It could be as simple as letting the UPS driver pull out in front of you in heavy traffic. We are all going through our own struggles together. Kind actions create chain reactions of good, and the world has been missing a lot of that lately.

[MVProfits]

The people I've encountered that were just "oozing goodness", seemed at peace, and friendly to others, were usually very successful people, that came from middle class or poor backgrounds. Those born rich usually are condescending, they just can't relate to "normal people". As you say, those stressed out with money and other issues are rarely in a mood to be exuding positivity and caring.
Hence, if we go back to our favorite topic, ha ha, hypergamy, women sense this instinctively. They seek not only men with money, but with time too. That's probably less than 2% of men, probably less than 0.5% for men in their 20s and 30s. It's also why so many women with hard working men complain that "he doesn't take care of me" while he's working his butt off for her and the kids.

[jasontang]

Paraphrasing: "Before you point out the speck in someone else’s eye, first remove the plank from your own."

[eliterun]

Heads up to those 10% who stopped to help! No matter what, there are always people who in whatever situation will still do the right thing.

[balkh]

Things that helped me improve my life:




Started cold approaches (even when I was scared).
Watched videos like this one to get inspired.
Read the book Celestial Soulmate by Lentlish (it helped me understand women better).
Worked on my social skills by talking to everyone, not just girls.
Focused on my career to feel more secure about myself.

[dificulttocure]

I've developed a personal theory regarding morality and this study seems to be in line with it. Here it is:
People essentially fall into one of three cathegories when it comes to morality:
There are good people (around 10% of population). these are people who almost always will do the right thing and act altruistic regardless of circumstance.
There are also bad people (again around 10% of population), which are people that will always look for personal gain in everything they do and don't care at all how it affects others.
And then there is 80% of people who are in a moral grey area, and who's actions are determined by their environment and the context.

[JakeSpadely]

Thank you, Orion, for letting me know I’m on the right path. By solving problems for ourselves, we inadvertently solve problems for others.

[rogerbartlet]

Bringing yourself up will bring those around you up.

[jamillawebb]

Doc this was a great video! I tell people all the time the best way to be an asset to others is by being an asset to myself. When I am financially stable, secure, and resourceful, I am better able to show up strongly for others.

Also, I am a nurse by trade. I have a brother with special needs and my dad is legally blind - I’ve been a care giver and support person in my family for a long time. I have a HUGE heart and am driven to help others when I can. One external factor that greatly impacts my choice to help others is safety. Assault, identity theft, being robbed, etc are very real and if I am in a deserted area, it’s dark outside, or my intuition tells me something is a red flag, I will not go out of my way to help someone. Also society has changed. I remember my mom telling me in the 1970s she used to help and pick up hitchhikers all the time. I would NEVER do that today for a stranger. That is one of my safety boundaries.

[Shanieceflordi]

I recently went through a difficult breakup. My five year relationship ended few month ago, and it's been incredibly hard. I still have so much love for my ex boyfriend, and I can't seem to get him out of my mind. Despite my best efforts to win him back, nothing has worked, and the thought of being with anyone else feels impossible right now. I know it might sound odd to share this here, but I miss him deeply and can't stop thinking about him

[deded]

I agree wholeheartedly that we need to deal with our own s**t before we can be of service to others. Being married to a substance abuser - you clearly explained what life is like now think about those of us living with someone without the skills to deal with life - and unwilling to reach out for the help they need.

[ernestocolosimo]

It's common sense, but not thought about much:
People who can't help themselves certainly can't help other people.
People who don't have abundance themselves don't have much to give to others.

[sirenachantal]

Great video! People focus on getting ahead, forgetting that the best part about it (after caring for your personal needs) is that you get to help others! The Good Samaritan had the time and resources to help, BUT he ran out of time. He left the ailing man and took care of his responsibilities and then returned to find the guy was doing better. So, it’s important to care for yourself first then help others with any excess. This is a great example to show how to help without being codependent.

[josephoduor]

One can even feel irritated if for example a beggar on the street tries to beg you for spare change when you yourself barely have enough to pay the bills without going into debt.

[kentgibson]

Someone will notice your kindness, treat it as a weakness, and abuse you until your heart is a cold dark stone.