Redirecting dementia 'I want to go home'

3 Key Dementia Dos and Don'ts - April 22-24 2025 - 7:30pm US Eastern Time each day.

[tallgal-]

My mom found my dad (w/dementia) standing on the sidewalk, with his walker, in front of their house at 3 am, waiting for a cab to take him to his wedding!! She got him back in the house by telling him that the cab was running a few minutes late and that she would fix him a chocolate milk (his fav) in the house while he waited. After he drank it he forgot all about the wedding and went back to bed. He was 93, she was 86 at the time and his primary caregiver. She cared for him, with a very little outside help, for about 8 years before he died at home. She's the strongest woman I know...

[mojo]

As a young nurse decades ago, we were always told to reorient them to reality. Of course it never worked. One day my patient was seeing snakes all over the floor and was terrified. I got an aerosol can, drew a picture of a snake on it with a circle and red line thru it, showed it to the patient and told him it would kill the snakes and then I sprayed it all over the floor. The look of relief on his face convinced me I'd done the right thing. I had to redo it every so many hours when he would start to get agitated again and then when the can was empty I gave it to him to spray so he had the control and that worked even better.

[GGGaia]

My grandmother was in a terrible state, saying we'd put her in a different bedroom (one she didn't recognize.) A neighbour happened to drop by, and seeing what was going on, went up to my nana and asked her if she wanted to be shown back to her "usual" room. Then she walked my nana out of the room, took her a couple of steps and got her turned around. When they went back into the room, the neighbour said, "In here? Is this where you want to be?" The relief in nana's voice was huge. "Oh yes, this is my room. Thank you SO much!"

[MudlarksAlmanac]

My mother used to say that she wanted to 'go home' although she was in the house she'd lived in for around 60 years. But I knew exactly what she wanted- she wanted to be in her childhood home in London, with her 7 siblings and her parents sitting around the kitchen table, like when she was young. She surrounded herself with family photos. Ironically, Mum had volunteered at old peoples homes when she was younger, and said it made her sad when people had said they wanted to go home. She told me that she used to try to distract them. Dementia is so distressing for everyone involved.

[gerbilgal]

I spend a lot of time in hospital and there’s lots of confused people there. The best technique I ever saw was a nurse who used to say “of course, come and wait in the taxi area, we’ll get you home.” Then he would ask for their address (as if he was ordering a taxi) and they would give it, then he would ask what type of house they had, how long they’d lived there, then ask if they had a garden, then ask about family, then ask about their life, until they were locked into having a chat, then he’d gently transition out of the conversation and by then the patient wasn’t as focussed on going home. They almost didn’t realise what was happening.

[fatheranthonypope]

One time my 90 year old grandmother with dementia was upset she needed to go home because her parents would be worried. We said the trams were no longer running but we would call her father. I went on the other line and spoke to her down the phone pretending to be my great grandfather who died 40 years before I was born. Told her she could stay with her friends overnight and that I'd pick her up in the morning in the wood truck (he ran a timber yard.) She calmed right down and happily went to bed in the bed she'd slept in for 6 years, since before she was lost to dementia.

[marybrzezinski]

Used to distract mom by telling her OK we can leave as soon as the laundries done just a few more minutes let’s sit down and wait and then we’ll get ready to go

[Padraigp]

My mom was in hsopitals and the nurses kept doing this crap so the dmentia patients would be up all night. So my mom made clothes for the dementia lady who was looking for her baby and she kept her busy by asking her to dress the teddy bear or dolll. And the old man who kept needing to feed the cows my mom told him she fed his cows and asked how much to feed the little black one and the red one and the white one. And hed say betsy likes a head scratch etc. And then he could sleep easy knowing my mom had fed his cows for him ...she was a million times better than the nurses who just kept saying " youre in hospital"

[bekky]

I would often say " oh I thought you would stay for lunch/ dinner. I already counted on you." And they would often be redirected

[kathygwizdala]

My Dad had dementia. One day he woke up, insisted he had to go into town and sell a bale of binder-twine (I know…what?!) and was trying to get out of the door (which had alarms on it). Anyway, Mom told him no but he wasn’t hearing any of that so she called for me. I said, “Dad! You’re in your pajamas, you can’t go to town in your pajamas! Let’s get you showered and dressed…” Apparently he saw the reason in that so he came with me to get showered and dressed. By the time we were ready for the day, he had forgotten his early morning “mission.”

I love my Dad. ❤

[samanthasavage]

I saw a great thing a couple of senior homes tried: a fake bus stop in front of the nursing home with shade. Placed in a spot where the nurses could keep an eye on the residents while they "wait for the bus" to go home. After a little while (when the senior has calmed down a bit and gotten some time outside) one of them goes out and speaks to the resident and redirects them back inside. Apparently it works so well they're considering it at other facilities in the area.

[Gnormous]

It'd like being in a nightmare where you have to be somewhere for some reason but you can't get there. You feel the need to go but everything stops you.

[ChibiChidorii]

Here it's very common that when family members with dementia say they want to go home you have to say "I'll go with you, go get ready and I'll wait for you here". They'll usually go to their rooms to get shoes or to put on a jacket and forget what they are doing, and if they don't you grab their hand and walk with them for a while and come right back and follow a routine as if you just got home. Most times they are not thinking about a specific home, but about the feeling and ritual of returning home because so much of our lives and routines are about going out and coming back home. By going through a door, taking your jacket and shoes off and greeting everyone a lot of times they get this feeling that they are indeed back home even if it's the same room they were just a moments ago

[iowa]

In the early days we were supposed to reorient them. Resident asks 1000 times 'where's my husband?'
Our job was to bring them back to reality and tell them he died. They're in a constant state of grief. Sometimes had to be restrained and drugged So one time I said, he went to the store, out for coffee. She was tickled pink and happy. Me? I was written up for lying to a resident. Now we can give them babies or dolls, so the joy and love of being a new mom is their reality
It's a beautiful thing to see

[WikedLovely]

Years ago I worked on the 8th floor of a neuro-trauma unit. I had a confused patient due to a head injury and he kept trying to get out of bed and leave. I told him we were on an 8 hour flight which was the approximate time for the rest of my shift. He questioned me about the flight and I said yes we're not landing for 8 more hours look how high we are and I pointed out the window. He settled in and didnt make a peep about leaving for the rest of the flight😂😉

[olivebelle]

Therapeutic lying is so important during your loved ones dementia journey. It definitely helps with anxiety and distress in your loved one and caregivers.

[patriciarossman]

Validating the person's concerns is important for all ages, whether they are an alert toddler or a 75 year old with dementia.

[clubbasher]

This is why it was so beautiful being my grandmother’s caretaker. I’m a psychosis survivor, and have done psychedelics before, so I knew how to redirect. I knew what she was tripping about before she said anything, and I’d take care of it. Just treat dementia care like really intense trip-sitting, and you’ll do alright.

[elainaholway]

I moved in with my Nana a couple years ago because she couldn’t live alone anymore. She would frequently ask me to take her home, despite the fact that we were in her house. So I would help her into the car, drive to the gas station a mile down the road and turn around and come home. She was always so relieved to be back in her own house again that it was worth the slight inconvenience

[CuriouslyCute]

I gotta admit, I'd want to be told this if I had dimentia, even if it is not technically true.