I’m 30 and Have Never Dated (What Am I Doing Wrong?)

I’m 30 and Have Never Dated (What Am I Doing Wrong?)

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[ihatekids]

I'm over 30 and have never been in a relationship. I feel like there are a lot of people in the same situation but are too embarrassed to say.

[janenns]

I met my husband when he was 34 and I was 24. He had never had a gf or gone on a date or held someone’s hand. We were married a year after and has turned out to be the most stunning man I’ve ever met. We have 3 beautiful little kids and have the life I once prayed for. ❤

[Fhornergal]

The "Where do we go to meet the people" is totally me.

[benjones]

Didn't expect to hear a woman's voice.

[SongLongUnsung]

I didn't have my first relationship until I was 27 due to serious insecurities on my part. I didn't even dare try to befriend any man because I thought they would all recoil in disgust. At 25 I got fed up myself. If I was ugly then so be it. I just started opening myself up and talking to people without expecting anyone, including myself, to develop feelings beyond mere friendship. That worked. I had my first (horrible) relationship at 27 that taught me more than I ever could have learned if I had just remained single. Now I'm 35 and married to my amazing husband and expecting our first child. So to everyone out there struggling, it can get better. All the best to you all.

[brainfreeze]

I got triggered when he said "why!?". Good conversation. But that initial impression is my fear. No one normal gets us. Everyone's like "dude just get a relationship". They don't have that innate self doubt that tells us that we're not worth it. Somehow they didn't pick that up. There's a voice shouting at the back of our heads that we're creeps, we're ugly, we're uninteresting, we're not worth anyone's time. This is speaking as a 32yr old male who has never had a relationship. I know the voice is irrational, but I still listen to it.

[LorraineVirginie]

I hear her shutting down at the end. She asked a clear question of where do I go to meet the people and he just says invite people from work, and then she just says “okay…” with tightness in her voice. But my workplace is 90% women and the only man isn’t single. I really have zero clue how to meet a man organically who is actually single and interested in me.

[atl]

I’m 55 and have never been on a date or in a relationship. Never one genuine romantic moment shared with another living soul. When I was 17 or 18, I overheard a girl telling another female friend of mine that she sure was glad most guys didn’t look as ugly as I did. Crushed me and I already had no confidence but that literally killed me inside and I have always believed I wasn’t worthy of someone’s love because I was ugly. I was already incredibly insecure but hearing that was like the nail in the coffin. Now, all these years later I wouldn’t even know how to have a relationship. I’ve subconsciously erected so many walls, I wouldn’t even know how to begin tearing them down. The power of words is immeasurable.

[kimtaro]

I 100% relate to this caller and what she is saying. 36 years old and never been in a relationship despite wanting a life partner. Feeling rejected, ghosted, etc over and over again. It's hard to stay positive after so many bad experiences, and when everyone else seems to have a much easier time finding someone. Thanks for calling in Madeline and thanks to Dr. John for answering her.

[larissagonzales]

I have dating fatigue. I am tired of being dissapointed. It is not worth it for me anymore.

[gmbiasco]

"Where do we go to meet the people!?!?" I'm 100% relating to this person. I'm 33, single, and have barely dated. Apparently there are a lot of us out there -- go figure 🤣

[KS-mduj]

It was really touching the way John really tried to help her. So many men on the internet would have jumped right on her weight and ignored the fact that she is a person. Thank God for men like Dr. Delony

[ireneangelucci]

Madeline, if you ever read this. You have such a beautiful voice! You seem like an all round lovely person, I'm with you❤️

[Girlgonewise]

There’s a huge difference between never dated and never having sex. There are many people out there that sleep around without commitment.

[ThisRemindsMeOfaJoke]

i'm also 30 and never dated, it's because i've never been satisfied with my life to the point where i can afford to focus on dating, i never had that feeling of fulfillment that comes with having stability in life, i''m always quitting jobs and searching for jobs, constantly questioning and doubting my decisions, always wondering what i should've done and what i should be doing.... i'm just constantly trying to find my place in the world and i've prioritized that over dating

[weekendnomad]

My husband at 34 told me he had never had a relationship either that I was his first. We married after 11 months . So far so good

[MegaThunder]

Your not alone, it’s actually a good thing you are saving yourself for the right person. I didn’t date until I was almost 30 and when I finally started dating it was the one

[AString]

My first girlfriend was at 27 and now we are engaged. Don’t worry about lack of experience it literally doesn’t matter and in many cases makes it worse. Keep trying and it will eventually pay off!

[Wtf-reup]

He hit the nail perfectly on the head with this one. You grow up being treated a certain way because of your looks, or your personality, or the way you dress, or (like me) all of the above. So then when you’re an adult, you’ve learned to keep people at a distance because you need to protect both yourself and them. Because you’ve learned you’re embarrassing and trying to fit it will result in rejection. And you assume nobody really wants to be seen with you so you pull away to spare them. It’s absolutely crippling. I can think of SO MANY times I’ve purposely held people at a distance because I didn’t want to seem too eager and get hurt, or because I assumed they were only hanging out with me as a second best option so I didn’t want to seem needy. But now I can see that probably made THEM feel that I thought they were weird and didn’t want to be there, instead of me thinking the reverse. And I’ve been told many times I’m attractive, cool, been invited to hang out, etc, but it never mattered. I always felt like I’m still some kind of inferior person and I shouldn’t even try to connect because I’m inherently going to repulse people eventually. And if I do hang out, it has to be the absolute best version of myself. I can never just naturally be myself. I have to have the coolest outfit, have just showered, not eaten before so I feel thin, be in a perfect mood, I can’t just exist and be worthy.

[cindyasters]

I understand. My parents were always saying bad things about my appearance and I thought I was ugly forever. Now that I'm older I look at family photos and I was not ugly. I was pretty. I always told my daughter she is beautiful--and she is-- but she had the same feelings about her appearance and I did not understand it. Finally she told me my Mother in Law was always saying picking on her about her appearance. I always tell people how good they look, they have beautiful eyes, etc. Hoping to pass some positivity on.