Deeply Feeling Kids Need a Different Approach

If your child escalates quickly, struggles to calm down, and hates talking about their feelings… there's nothing wrong with them. And there’s nothing wrong with you. Your kid is probably a Deeply Feeling Kid. In this week’s episode, Dr. Becky hears from three parents of DFKs and explains why these kids need a different approach—and what that approach looks like. She shares scripts and strategies to help you show up as a sturdy leader, put up boundaries to stop difficult behavior, and bring out the good inside your child. Dr. Becky also reminds parents that seeking additional support for your DFK is a sign of everything that’s *right* in your family: You’re willing to work through the tricky things, together.

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[giadaghw]

if my son (4y) is upset, and I tell him "I see, you are upset, let's take a breath" (which was a suggestion I've seen given by so many child sociologist online), he is going to be so mad at me, like he gets 10 times more frustrated at me if try to calm him down, with helping him to process his emotions or take a break.. What I noticed is that if I give him 1 minute and then I start telling him a story about me, when I was a kid and I was upset and so on, he generally (of course not 100% of the times, but more around 85%) nags a bit, then start listening and after asks questions such as "and what did you do next?" or "and now where is that toy?".
It has been so hard to regulate myself when he goes deregulated, especially in public places.. (up to 5 months ago) he was the kid who would have a meltdown in the supermarket, just going mental on the floor, screaming and kicking, and I lost the count on how many random ppl came to us (yes, to him as well) speaking and saying the most random things, here are few:
"what are you fussing so much?"
"Are you crying because you bad mom doesn't want to buy you a toy?"
"what a bad boy!"
And all this was so hard, because he was disregulated, I was trying to regulate myself to deal with what was for me an extremely overwhelming situation (my brain goes in the Flight mode so quickly when there are loud noises.. and if I can't flight I feel like and animate caught in a trap), and I am one of those ppl who don't fight with strangers, but still... HOW CAN YOU SAY TO ME AND MY SON THAT WE ARE BAD, when it's obvious we are having and hard time.. I remember the head hakes I would have to keep being polite, but still be supportive to my child, and at the same time calm my self down..
I remember a couple of times crying at the supermarket, from the exhaustion.. and one of the things I find highly uncomfortable is to cry in public places..

[chmanta]

I just love how she empathizes with all the callers. She is modeling even her voice to match theirs and takes care of their inner child prior jumping in to the parenting strategies (which btw I truly appreciate)

[kloveskiwi]

This is amazing...especially the response to the last caller.

[Ferahman]

Thank you for sharing 😊 I benefit a lot

[steiger]

Dr. Becky. First thank you so much for all you do. You were recommended by a therapist that is trying to help us with our DFK. I just ordered your book good inside after watching your interview with Lewis Howes. My son is 10 he has ADHD, sensory issues and anger management issues. We also have a 9 year old daughter. My son is always saying such mean and hurt full things to her. She get so upset, rightly so. How do we handle our son? We try consequence, like taking away his I pad or PS 5. Nothing works. How do we get him to stop saying mean and hurt full things to her. Thank you so much.

[CarlosCasillas-ml]

Would anger reactions be the thing that identifies a DFK? What if they instead quietly cry and cannot say why?

[dianatanasa]

Thank U!just bought also your book in Romania!❤

[sukhbirshanda]

thanks I never felt this connected....

[essdeebe]

A lot of the information I see/hear is for younger kids. Mine is 11. The information is still helpful, but I feel like some doesn’t apply to me. Any advice?

[amyporter]

I think the podcast was great and helpful, though I don't think it answered what to do if your child is bigger then you or stronger and you need to physically stop them before they hit their siblings or run into the road...

[DP-eoxd]

Her methods aren’t realistic all the time, and are really just for little toddlers. There aren’t enough hours in the day to be empathetic, patient, understanding, etc etc for every meltdown and tantrum. Parents have to sleep and go to work, etc.

[katherineroe]

could you tell me why in the last call you would not just spank her for hurting others and scare the hell out of her for acting like i should just give you time out . why would i not want to make that kid ashamed of how they behaved? really want to know