Female Competitive Drowner Explains Why Trans Athletes Should Not Compete In Competitive Drowning

[skygard]

Children have such an unfair competitive advantage.

[monopolizedopamine]

The Onion welcoming the hottest month in the year with competative drowning. 😂😂😂

[Auromaxis]

I'm so immeasurably glad the onion is doing this type of content again

[jeniskindof]

Back in my day we didn't get any merits for competitive drowning we did it because we felt like it.... Kids these days.

[LilFeralGangrel]

as a trans woman i am fantastic at drowning. the very best. my ineptitude in water is without comparison.

[WanderingExistence]

To be honest I couldn't really care what gender you call yourself. I'm for equality. I'm just pro-drowning for everyone ❤️

[debrachambers]

Now I ACTUALLY want to know if men or women drown faster when trying to.

[DASRH]

The difference between irony and schizophrenia is the onion.

[GHouseM.D.]

I just realized I’ve watched an embarrassing amount of The Onion videos and not realized it was The Onion. I’m such an idiot oh my god.

[doctabaldhead]

Men have larger lungs than women so she would actually have an advantage here.

[jaycol]

The Onion has a tendency to be prophetic. So, now I’m worried

[madmikefollower]

This really isn’t fair on us females who have been training our whole life naturally only to see someone in a different weight class do it seamlessly

[KrinOkar]

God I love how fragile the transphobes in the comments are

[zeldanut]

This is fucking gold. I needed this. Thank You Neighbors!

[mitchelldsm]

now where's the part where this woman actually took, like 56th and the trans person took 34th and every other competitor was cis

[LordDustinDeWynd]

Howdy from Temple, Texas, USA! PRIMO! Thank you!

[BayStatePrepper]

For those of us hissing at this joke, please keep it in mind that this joke was written by a woman.

[ukkisragee]

You forgot the part where they start describing it like it was a smutty furry fanficnabout getting dominated by a big strong alpha wolf.

"Seeing who I was going up against my limbs felt weak as I knew I had no chance. What I saw was a big strong male body that I was sure would *dominate* me and put me in my place as a _weak, submissive female_ with no chance of winning. I knew from the moment it started that I was going to be a toy for the *_strong, dominant male._* I was simply completely outmatched."

Or is that just me? Am I the only one who feels like it sounds like that?

[zemyla]

We do need to limit the competitive drowning scene. Ideally, only transphobes would be in it.

[CulturedPotato]

Completely. Women are far more buoyant