This Book Fails in the First Chapter: How to Not Write a Chapter 1 [Cyborg Tinkerer]

No hatred toward the author in all honesty. This chapter 1 was so remarkably bad that it put off the rest of the book. So I was so baffled I started thinking as to why and this video is the byproduct. Again, no hatred toward Meg Lattore, she makes amazing youtube videos.

[abbydieps]

My favorite line was "anger always has a name: it's called anger". Fantastic review and breakdown!

[blueblank]

NGL, I think that “Sometimes, death required a change of scenery” seems like it could be a fun opening line… if it was referring to, say, someone needing to fake their own death and move far away, due to the obvious irony of “yeah, no, they’re not actually dying” and what it’d say about the character that they’re in that kind of situation, even if it might be kind of cliche. It does feel more “corny, ‘pithy’, and edgy except not even really that edgy” a la a depressing version of a Hallmark card in the context of someone choosing where they want to live out their last days.

[KatieMaddalena]

Her name is Gwendolyn Grimm. And people unironically call her the "Grimm Reaper." This is just a middle grade book with random sex thrown in.

[soniccentury]

"Sometimes, death required a change of scenery." This is the first sentence that Sami described as "cringe, edgy, teenage shit" in this video. This sentence FAILS as a first sentence to a novel, but it DOES fit in a later part of the chapter. At minute 9: 53 of this video, the fourth paragraph shown states:

"For the thousandth time that day, she reminded herself there would be time for regrets later. "

The next paragraph states: "Now it was time to see if the cyborg circus was as spectacular as rumors claimed. "

These two sentences occur after the reader has been informed that Gwendolyn Grimm is dying and that she is in a hopeless situation. She has just learned about the cyborg circus and she is going to attend it because she needs a distraction, or A CHANGE OF SCENERY to escape her problems. After these two sentences would be a perfect place for her "first sentence." This new paragraph would now read as the following:

""For the thousandth time that day, she reminded herself there would be time for regrets later. Now it was time to see if the cyborg circus was as spectacular as rumors claimed. Sometimes, death required a change of scenery."


In this new version, all three of these sentences support each other and they are specific to this book. Gwendolyn Grimm has regrets; her regrets help her to decide to go to the cyborg circus; the cyborg circus is the change of scenery Gwendolyn Grimm needs to help her deal with her hopeless situation.

[IlliteratelyYours]

"Anger always has a name. It's called anger."
bruh ☠️

[StellaDonna]

Honestly I feel bad for Latorre. She actually has a lot of good info on her channel and brings in loads of experts — real working agents, authors, etc to give their take on writing and publishing. Knowing the rules of writing and how the publishing industry supposedly works doesn’t automatically make anyone a good writer.

[GoodCatholicBoy]

Her channel has gone silent ever since the book came out. Feel like the YT channel was a means to end to promote the book and when it didn't do well, the channel was dropped. A shame as I really liked her First Page Critiques (which is kind of ironic given the quality of this chapter)

[yan_lia]

"...thats french or some shit like that?" my german mother would curse me if I did not upvote after that

[soniccentury]

"Sometimes, death required a change of scenery."
--This is the first sentence of this book. This is a sentence that would be on the back of the book to try and entice a reader to buy the book; this sentence should not be in the ACTUAL book itself. I hate how modern writers use clever, yet generic, first sentences in their books. A first sentence should already be describing something specific about the book (character, setting, etc.) you are reading. From this first sentence, what questions should a reader ask himself? Is there a person or creature named "death" in this book? If not, then this sentence is too generic. It could describe ANY book, not just THIS book. The very next sentence is a better sentence to begin this book:
"Gwendolyn Grimm marched up the warped, wooden steps of the Crusty Tulip. " (Crusty Tulip is italicized- I don't know how to italicize here on YouTube)
--From this sentence, the reader gets the name of a character, an action she is performing, a description of the immediate area where this action occurred, and a clue of the bigger space where the character is. Just by having the words" Crusty Tulip" in italics, the reader knows it is some kind of vessel. Already the reader will be asking himself if this vessel is a sailing ship or some kind of space ship.

--I hate how these writers today are all trying to have that SHOCKING first sentence that is supposed to draw a reader into a book. What these writers don't realize is that these type of sentences really describe nothing. These sentences are advertisement type of sentences that are in fact very empty sentences.

[sheiruki]

Wow, that actually made me feel more confident about my first chapter--and I'm only at the first draft.

[LawdyGawd]

Writing advisors encourage each other to write clever, attention-grabbing openings and you end up with sentences like that.

[myleemartin]

“”A nameless anger?” Anger always has a name; it’s called anger.”

[torytellstales]

If there's one thing I learned about being a writer, its not to be cocky and acting like your own story is a great example of what to write. The hobby of writing should be something you take time on but most importantly for YOU as the author to enjoy while trying to speak to readers. I recall taking a writing course in college where the lady presenting to us claimed she won a contest one time talking about someone's funeral and was so proud of her first line being something symbolic. The minute she looked at my first line to something, she flat out told me it was very poor and not good enough. Instead of being "inspired" by her, I wanted to kick her fucking ass. There's a difference between giving writing criticism advice and being a complete jerk about others work.

[WritingGeekNL]

7:15
I have NOT read the book at all. BUT...
She could have opened with a prologue on a cyborg (one from this circus?) on the run from the government. Being grabbed and executed on sitht essentially. Explaining a prosecution and prohibition of cyborgs because the emperor fears to be overthrown due to their superhuman abilities after an act of terrorism occured.
This would add logic and create less of an info-dump to the reader.

I mean, I haven't read it. Also not planning on doing so. But this is just a change that COULD have been. Would create a more interesting "first chapter" too.

[AGWrites]

Special thanks to those that watched to the end. Really helps out.
PS: Would you love more videos like this? Analyzing chapter ones? Though I do have to warn. Videos could get very specific on craft details since it's focused down.

[yapdog]

_"The small manufacturing moon belched a welcoming plume...."_ In that sentence, "belch" isn't what's bad; it's perfectly fine descriptive language. The problem is with _"... welcoming..."_ Who TF welcomes a belch??? O_o

Also, _"A nameless anger...."_ isn't necessarily bad; it may simply mean that she can't say why she's angry. It's concise and literary. The problem is with _"... surged inside her like a solar storm."_ A simile should give the reader a clear image, something to which to relate. Who's ever personally experienced a solar storm? No one. She's just trying too hard to sell the sci-fi aspects, but ends up writing clunky sentences.

[hafiz]

This was a cool new type of video. Keep experimenting with different types of booktube content man; you'll find one that takes off and becomes your "thing" inshallah

[HiHello-dnfj]

I think the biggest sin of this chapter is that the information that our main character is dying it’s just thrown away in a line of pithy dialogue from a character who doesn’t matter, even though it’s close third person. The fact that the main characters dying is the most emotional part of the story so far, but it’s communicated in a way that completely stripped all of that emotion away. This is a clear sign that the writer doesn’t understand what is emotionally moving about her own story or how to bring that emotion out. There are so many different approaches to communicate this information that would have worked, that it’s kind of amazing that she somehow missed all of them to land on the worst possible target.

[ninjaartist]

Take a shot every time Sami says “shitty.”

[brokenentertainment]

I swear I've seen this video before. I read this chapter myself because it was hard to believe what I was hearing. Unbelievable. I used to be subbed to her channel to.