Uncovering the roots of the fear of being seen: Where it all begins

Complete Transcript: Uncovering the roots of the fear of being seen: Where it all begins

Shamed when you were resting
Person 1: What are you doing? Have you just been sitting there all day?

Hearing you're dramatic when you showed emotion
Person 1: Are you still crying over that boyfriend of yours? Don't be so dramatic; there are plenty of fish in the sea. And one day, you're going to look back and laugh at how upset you were over your high school boyfriend, who you barely remember.

Having your body commented on negatively
Person 2: Mom, I'm heading out
Person 1: Are you really going to be wearing that? You're going to give the boys the wrong idea. And no one likes a girl who's easy.

[dann]

"Have you been sitting there all day?"
Years later it's still difficult to rest without guilt rising inside.

[abbykoop]

When you realize how much you were shamed at

[wendymuir]

People like this always see themselves as excellent parents.

[purrrrrrrple]

I had to get up the bed every time I heard footsteps and "do something productive". No naps allowed, or tv, or radio. No being lazy. If I had time to rest, I had time to do another chore. And the multiple extra curricular lessons. No movies, or laying on the bed. Insane! I had years of burnout after leaving.

[NatashaWanjiru-yr]

It's funny how this is viewed as such a small issue, this constant shaming, when it has enormous impact on the ways we become and the lives we live😢

[Drew_McTygue]

I felt this to my core. My parents CONSTANTLY moved the goal post. NOTHING I ever did was GOOD ENOUGH.

This coment section broke my heart. No one ever told me this, so I want to tell it to all of you.

No matter who you are, where you came from, or what has happened to you.
YOU ARE ENOUGH.
YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN ENOUGH, AND YOU WILL ALWAYS BE ENOUGH ❤

[Flightofthesparrow]

This resonates deeply. I remember my family “accidentally” killing my cat and showing me his dead body…I was 7yr or so and completely horrified and heartbroken. I cried in my room and felt so sick to my stomach. My cat was one of my only sources of comfort in my abusive home. My stepdad came in to yell at me and shame me for grieving and not wanting to decorate the Christmas tree, calling me lazy. I wasn’t allowed to cry or grieve in my room.

[Ahopek]

You're helping me understand why the heck I would always jump out of my skin and start doing something the moment i realized someone was home. 😢 It was an exhausting way to live. Thank goodness I only live with my son now, and am breaking that cycle by not jumpscaring him with accusations every time I enter the room he's in.

[SENSEF]

1 - Constantly criticized by older siblings
2 - Constantly criticized by classmates at school (when you're labeled "gifted" you are constantly watched and attacked over every imperfection)
3 - Constantly criticized by teachers (labeled "gifted" and the teachers have unreasonable expectations of you compared to their "average" students)
4 - Dad is rarely home and when he is he yells at your every noise
5 - Nothing is ever good enough for parents, nothing receives praise, only criticism when they actually give you any attention

So you learn real quick attention = BAD!

And you're only allowed to be human when you are ALONE!

[RancidGravy]

"Wipe that smile/ugly look off your face" sure was fun.

[coldplayfanx]

😢 this feels like a clip of my childhood.

[meerakothari]

Yes, shaming children or teenagers should be deemed as a passive abuse and torture. It has such deep and lasting impact on the psyche. I have gone through all of this while growing up and I still feel ashamed of the way I am, I feel conscious in the presence of other people and feel that they are judging me.

[ElizabethOnTheLake]

This is me 100%. I can’t be sitting down when anyone gets home. I have to be doing something. My mom use to get so mad if we weren’t cleaning or doing homework when she got home. I’m 49 and I still get anxious when the garage door opens.

[storycharms]

After years of rehearsals we eventually memorise the lines and use them to power our inner critic. Double jeopardy if you're avoidant and isolated. Big hugs to all my fellow fighters struggling with this! ❤

[kierstenB]

I still remember the time me and my mom were walking into church. I had on an outfit I thought was cute. Mom bought it for me. It was a ruffle leopard skirt with black tank top and a 3/4 sleeve tie shrug cardigan also leopard print. I don’t think I was even 10 years old yet. But at 27 years old now I still remember her telling me “you look like a hoochie mama” I didn’t even know what that meant so she had to explain it to me and for the rest of the day I felt self conscious in an outfit I had loved and been so happy in. Because I wasn’t even old enough to understand what she had called me but I did understand that if women like that wore stuff like the outfit I had on to look sexy then I at that age should not have been wearing it. I don’t think she thought anything of it but that has stuck with me and I think it’s part of the reason that even as an adult I struggle with wanting to be sexy but not too sexy.

[CRColes]

"Rest" is a biproduct of the depression from being shamed.

[Chopsyochops]

Yep all this and then some. Like ‘why are you crying, I’ll give you something to cry about’ after you’ve just been hurt or you’re upset for something genuinely upsetting. My mother was very disconnected from all emotions except rage. She is the same even now at 70. She gets angry with herself if she feels upset. I can only assume it’s from her childhood.

[Sunnivah]

Been there, heard it all. Now Im trying to be extra conscious about asking my boyfriend what he's doing in a nice way and showing interest in what he is doing in his sparetime, not why he is doing it at this moment. For example: seeing him sitting on thwe couch "oh, what are you doing? -Playing a game. - Nice, who is winning?"
ARE YOU DOING THIS? Ask yourself!! A lot of our judgemental tone comes unconsciously! And no one needs our judgement, the world needs more love and compassion and not more judges on 'next topomodel', so...
for the outfit question: "are you ready? - Yeah, I put on this outfit! Can I go like this? - You look good in everything!" It doesnt matter what you think about it, it's just clothes. Think about the person, not the things around him

[Georgie]

My mom in a nutshell. Sadly it’s taken me 30+ years and lots of heartache and suffering to recover.

[honeyartstudios]

The first one happened to me. To this day i have really bad anxiety and always feel the need to remain busy.