Brenna Twohy - I am Not Clinically Crazy Anymore // When the Crazy Came Back

Brenna Twohy, performing at Honey in Minneapolis, MN.

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[lauricesanders]

“I look at old poems and I think “someone should do something about this bleeding body”, My mouthing the space where a dead thing use to live, even now”

Wow

[fieldoftulips]

“You have a perfect attendance record for this life”

[cursedcharlie]

“I will stay.
I will stay.”

powerful words in the face of everything that tells us to leave.

[ievacado]

*If you who's reading this have any issues with mental health, I wish with all my heart that you get the help you need and kill the demons you're fighting.*

[bqwadseertg]

"I have not almost killed myself in 2 years and 3 months but I look at old poems and I think 'someone should do something about this bleeding body'." I feel a version of this every time my family brings up a memory that took place when I was sadder than any of them will ever know. I think about how SOMEONE should have helped me and someone SHOULD help me but most of the time I forget that I'm most likely going to be that SOMEONE...

[adri-]

"This body knows fear like a front porch knows welcome. It's always coming home"
That just hit hard... The trauma never fully goes away....

[capple]

“According to the paperwork, and the new prescription”
Oh hun.

[tasneemmohamed]

“The way that CRAZY called herself my name and I almost let her keep it”

[sarahkoltonuk]

"I am not "clinically crazy" anymore
According to the paper work
And the new prescription.
But theres this spot on the sidewalk along the way to work
Where for almost three months there was this dead rat.
And everytime i passed it, i thought
"Someone should do something
About this dead rat, "
Or
"I should do something
About this dead rat."
But then i would hold my breath
And keep walking.
And almost a year later, everytime
I pass it, i think
"That is the spot
Where the dead rat used to be.
Where no one did anything
For so long."
I have not almost killed myself
In two years and three months.
But i look at old poems
And i think
"Somone should do something
About this bleeding body."
My mouth, the space where a death thing used to live
Even now.
When the crazy came back,
She didnt throw out all the dinners.
Didnt spill the wine down my boring throat.
She didnt look anything
Like the last time. Didnt pound the door in.
She knows this house too well by now,
She knows I'll let her in by nightfall.
I could set my watch by the knocking.
I plant dahlias in spring
And come october,
Panic blooms in every window box.
The crazy gathers it up,
Washes a vase by hand.
She has learned to be a gentle house guest.
To seal the windows up for winter.
We could almost forgive last autum.
The pills from my dead grandmother's purse,
That man and his wedding ring,
The way the crazy called herself my name
And i almost let her keep it.
This body knows fear
Like a front porch knows welcome.
It is always coming home.
And you cannot pull the crazy out of me,
The way you cannot put a flower back to bed.
But this body knows withstand,
Knows what the morning looks like when she says "stay".
The crazy is a quitter.
You have a perfect attendance record
For this life.
And i will stay.
I will stay. "

[RobertaSoares]

thats one of the most beautiful things i ever saw

[manong]

I just started therapy and I feel so relieved because I found somebody that I know is going to help me. I want to tell people : don’t give up and if you wanna see a therapist go for it, try to find one you feel comfortable with and if you don’t try someone else bc it’s not going to work otherwise

[thedreamer]

Damn, this hit hard for me. It's absolutely beautiful and I understand this struggle. Living with bipolar disorder type I. There is no cure, it can only be managed. But like all forms of management, there is no perfect style to continually manage this disorder. Episodes reoccur weather you want them to or not. Our bodies are amazing, aren't they? They can easily adjust to medications. Then your doctor ups the dosage but in time your amazing body adjusts once again. This is expected for me living with bipolar disorder. We all vary in our perspectives but I'm glad you're here to read this comment. I get really weak sometimes. I lose the battle often if we are comparing my disorder with an ongoing war. Yes, battles are loss, but the greatest victory is mine. I know that this is my victory today as I stop and take a deep breath. As my lungs expand and oxygen flows through my body, I know that I am alive. My story didn't end. If you're reading this, then you're story didn't end also. I don't care how many battles I lose, being alive today is the greatest victory in my eyes.

[fadeastride]

I put off watching this for a few days because I wasn't ready to cry yet. Finally watched it, and I'm bawling

[SOLmeMAYBE]

It’s been years, but I always come back to this for strength. Brenna Twohy, you are my favorite poet. I have your Swallowtail book and I want Zigzag Girl but I can’t find a copy anymore. Love from the Philippines!

[juliettowera]

This is so raw, the way it hits... You know you've not been "there" alone.

[calyoffhaus]

I love how she said the crazy is a quitter bc I used to struggle with wanting to kill myself but as I got older I struggled more with anger and anxiety and the way she made these words apply to way more than just suicidal thoughts is amazing.... bc everything about the crazy in me will hold me back further from where I wanna be... I love this poet. 🥺

[cueramarques]

I'm crying cause I relate to this poem so much! I hope this girl understands how precious she is and that her art matters ❤️

[liliadoliny]

this is the most powerful poem i’ve heard in a while
i am becoming a huge fan of brenna

[virginianielsen]

“A perfect attendance record for this life...” ❤️

[AlmostSilent]

I always get excited when I see there's another Brenna Twohy poem to watch <3