Am I just gay and in denial? How to know for sure.

Have you ever wondered if you’re really just gay and in denial? How do you know for sure? How can we be sure if we are really just gay or something else?

This video provides a way to understand what is going on when we ask ourselves this question. It breaks down the reality of sexuality and why we get stuck with wondering “am I just gay!”

We often get stuck thinking we’re in denial and really just gay rather than bi or anything else. This video will help you to break out of that denial mindset and find how you really feel.

@notdefining is a support network for anyone who has ever struggled with their orientation, identity, self confidence or gender.

We create content and mentor to help you find a place where you feel confident and fulfilled, whatever your background or identity.

If you like our content please subscribe, like and share. Also you can check @notdening out on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok.

@notdefining on TikTok

The Queer Spectrum Podcast, co-hosted by Mark from @notdefining

@notdefining on Twitter

@notdefining on Instagram

Support our partner charity

#gay #amigay #bisexual

[notdefining]

To connect with others like you, join group video chats and have 24/7 Q&A with me join us at patreon.com/notdefining.

[andrewwts]

Love this "What am I feeling now?" before/instead of labelling! Thank you Mark.

[nigelreed]

Came out as Gay at 23, 25 years ago, and now enjoy more sexual relationships with women than ever before. took me many many years to accept my bisexuality, but now happier than ever. Does feel a bit weird allowing my self to be having placed such emphasis on this gay label, but there you go... weird old world innit.

[chrisd]

Just found your channel and this is the exact video I needed! You’re completely right, you need to focus on your attractions/feelings rather than a label, because a label carries a whole ton of ego and expectation. Detachment and looking at things non judgementally is the key.

[Jack-vnjy]

Been very confused for almost a year now. It started out with me having the "I'm gay" thought which was immediately followed up with confusion. I brushed it off because I've only ever wanted to be intimate with women. That being said every relationship I've had with a woman I always wind up losing interest and dumping them because I feel like I don't really love them (also wanted to pursue other girls). A few months later I got the betterhelp ad about the girl questioning her sexuality and seeking out their service to find a therapist. This screwed with me immediately because I understand algorithms cater ads to people who they apply to. I started thinking maybe there was something to that thought I had months before. I started researching and found out about HOCD. I did a lot of things to try and prove to myself I'm not gay but the thoughts persist and after a lot of reflection, reseach, and speaking to professionals it seems I'm somewhere in the bi spectrum. I've only ever had sex with women but I had a couple gay experiences in early adolescence and I was extremely attached to a particular male friend. On top of that I've had people asking me if I'm gay since middle school. I only ever started getting gay thoughts and urges after I developed HOCD symptoms. I'm still not completely certain. I've had people tell me "if you were gay you'd know it" yada yada but it's like man it's not like that for everyone. Dudes will literally get married and have a family and then out of nowhere realize they're gay. I don't want this comment to turn into my autobiography so I'll end off with saying since I was young I've been afraid I was gay.

[captain_rewind]

I’m so glad I found your channel. I understand this content may not necessarily be for me, but I’ve been seeking to learn. I’m a cishet man recently dumped by his bi gf of 3 years because she said she thought she was gay and her brain won’t let her love me anymore. Which devastated me because our sex life was always wonderful and she had initiated sex with me just days before. I always knew she was bi and she/they and always wanted her to tell me how she was feeling and wanting to learn more about how best to love her. I never had reason to doubt her love until I was blindsided. I even gave her my blessing to have an experience with a woman before as long as we communicated and it didn’t compromise our relationship. When she told me she thought she was gay, I hugged her, told her she was safe, that I loved her and I could never hate or hurt her, even while my heart was breaking. I keep hoping she’ll come back one day.

[dejairalexandrekeunecke]

What a great video Mark! Thank you so much. This video came at the right time for me. Helped a lot. Sending you much, much love 💖💜💙

[lesedintuli]

Could you also talk about romantic orientations. Romantic attraction is also another hard and broad thing to figure out.

[kennychan]

Once I was attracted to a girl with whom I never had sex because of religious conviction. I was aroused by her, but we had decided to hold off the physical until after marriage. Then we broke up, and many years after that I was single and minded my own life. Then last year, I became attracted to a guy with whom I had sex. I love it, but my family culture doesn’t approve it. Now I’m stuck. I’m afraid to live openly. Recently, my ex-girlfriend came back into my life as a friend. The connection with her is there, but the fizzle has long gone. I am as unsure as ever :(

[johngolden]

Thanks for this helpful video, What people find sexually attractive can vary over time. One's fantasies and experiences might be exclusively gay at age 25 by 35 or 40 that person may discover sexual attraction in some women. Also, the desire to have children with someone else with whom one has a strong connection may also play a role in keeping one's sexual identity somewhat fluid rather than firmly fixed.

[theyoutubewizardofloneline]

Im in my bi discovery dating Girls for the first time in 27 years after being gay since teen cause I personally got bored by the non phisical company of men and almost lot of the sex I had with them I didn't enjoy It. And well, sorry I lost focus telling my shit but I just wanted to say that I find your channel amazingly researchul and meaningful. You have made videos about a lot of questions about sexuality I had for years so greetins from Madrid and thanks for the incredible help you provide here!

[Nicole-yxms]

You are amazing Mark, thank you always❤

[Latinoboy]

As a gay male it's pretty straight forward I'm sexually atttacted to men. I've had a strong kindship with women. But I don't have any desire to have sex with them. I thought I could when I was younger. But being romantically entwined (emotional attachment) must not be confused with what your erotic orientation. The Beach Question for example; gay men will say "the woman are in the way and I'm checking out the men" . A Straight man will say " I'm watching the women and the men are in the way" . A Bi guy may be looking at both. Or the Bi sexual man may just find a woman romantically attractive and he is more sexually attracted to men.

[Sundayson]

Great channel! Thanks for the bi visibility!
I recently broke up with my girlfriend because I thought I needed to explore further my gay side... And even considered that I was gay and in denial... Now I miss her terribly!
In my case, I find attractive all types of women's bodies, but I only fancy a certain type of men... What's wrong with me?

[oooowwwwdddd]

You made good points by correlating the sexual variation spectrum with different skin tones. No one if full black or fully white. We are all somewhere in the middle. But the problem with this theory is that there is no geneitic evidence for sexual orientation, while there is genetic evidence for skin tone. After all is said and done it all breaks down into feelings or emotions which are very subjective.

[Taiiena]

I've only recently discovered your channel but I'm glad I have. You're gentle and sincere approach to such intimate and possibly controversial topics will
truely help a lot of people. I'm rooting for you and the people that you help 🫶🏾

[aarong]

My partner is currently riding this cycle. Do you have any resources for coping through this together? I want them to explore themselves and other people but it's very hard to see their explosive NRE with others while they wonder if they're even attracted to me at all...

[davidharbison]

Never had a single second of attraction to the opposite sex, no spectrum here 😳

[TheSunny]

I'm really not sure. I'm a teen right now and kind of having a crisis over this- I think i'm bi or gay but I really can't draw the line- I'm also having problems around the social anxiety of coming out as my school and family are mostly homophobic so i'm scared to say anything. What do you think I should do?

[MalcolmMustDie]

I don't really know whether or not I'm bi or gay. I know I like guys but not so sure with girls. I feel sexually and romantically attracted to men but I guess I may be romantically attracted to girls? I had a crush on a girl once, I think it may have been a crush, I don't know. I've just been more consistently into men.