Can Gender Dysphoria Cause Dissociation?

Is there a link between dysphoria and dissociation? Can dysphoria cause it?

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Hello Friends! I'm Dr Z, and this is a channel where I help you break free from dysphoria!

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#gender #genderdysphoria #transgender #nonbinary #genderidentity #gendertransition #gendertherapist #transhealth #transgenderwomen #transmann #enby #hormones #dysphoria #selfhelp #transformation

[doctor_who]

I have a lot to say about this one! I've dissosciated since I was 5 years old, literally the first time I looked in the mirror in my head I was like "oh, that's not me!" As I got older that feeling became emotional disconnection too, I loved my grandad but I didn't even cry when he passed away, I was extremely numb and like you said everyone described me as not really being present and could tell something was off or wrong. It made things harder now when I realized I was trans because, I'd been so used to denying and disconnecting from my emotions that being forced to confront and reflect on them was extremely difficult and even now, it feels like there is a mental fog from my emotions and being able to recall them. Great video as always!

[Johnny_T]

As a surviving twin of a boy-girl pair (the male fœtus died in utero), I still feel like there was a body swap, and I am trapped inside my sister's body, forced to live her life. 😒
When I finally was tired to see only her in my mirror, I decided to transition. I always missed my twin, so I don't hate the body I'm in, it's just that it isn't mine. I said to people " no, I'm not a woman, I'm INSIDE a woman".
Finally at 50 I transitionned to be able to catch a glimpse of myself in a mirror before it's too late, and not having my sister's name on my grave later.

[cinnamonsparrowdesigns]

I spend a lot of time daydreaming. I can't really sleep well unless I have some sort of "story" or scenario to play out in my head. I live in another world as the man I wish I was and with people that just see me that way and care for me as that. It's influenced by books, movies, and video game characters and I insert myself into things. It's weird and I've done it most of my life. I don't just do it when trying to sleep either. I'll fall into this while showering, doing dishes, or just setting somewhere. I end up staying up way too late distracting myself so that I can fall asleep faster and not daydream so much.

[cobwebsandcathair]

At around 13 I remember telling my mum that I "didn't feel very real". She brushed it off at the time, but I was diagnosed with depression a little while later. I spent the next 20 years feeling like the world was muted, like life was happening around me and to me, but no matter how hard I tried I couldn't seem to take part in it. I felt like I was barrelling through life at an alarming rate, unable to grasp onto a single moment long enough to actually experience it. Participating in anything sex-related would send me into a complete out of body experience, to the point where partners and therapists alike thought I must have some repressed childhood trauma to make me behave so.

At 32 I was diagnosed with autism and that seemed to answer some questions about what my brain was trying to deal with, but it wasn't until two years later when I finally realised I was trans that I actually started to feel alive for the first time. I still feel the dissociation creeping back when I'm very stressed, but it's a temporary thing now, not my entire being. For the last year and a half I've been a completely different person. For the first time in my life I feel like I'm actually present: time has slowed down, colours are brighter, sounds are louder, thoughts and feelings are more vivid than they've ever been before. It's only now that I'm awake that I can see how badly my mind was sleepwalking through my existence.

[Lucy-zvyx]

Oh boy a 10 minute callout by Dr Z addressed to me

[persephoneslair]

I've spent the majority of my life in a distant dreamlike state, almost on auto pilot because I couldn't explain exactly what I was feeling to anyone around me. I didn't have the vocabulary to express that I didn't feel like I was truly myself or my body matched my mind, so I just hid my feelings and drudged through my daily existence slowly developing a sense of self loathing and hatred that couldn't be quelled. I'd even contemplated the dreadful act a few times, but forcefully talked myself out of it, until I finally managed to get help and discovered exactly where I stood, and am now working to transition to my true self. I've never felt better, I can now look at myself in the mirror and enjoy who I see looking back at me, and anticipate more and more each day the person I was meant to be.

[DrayseSchneider]

I think my dissociation mainly took the form of daydreams. High among them fantasies or moving beyond my gender, or even my species and becoming a machine like intelligence. Complicated by fantasies of living my sexuality unhindered. I know that I got accused of spacing out a lot though I usually seemed capable of recapping the conversation or events at hand when challenged. It was a constant challenge and I still struggle with it to a degree.

[Ines-lbnh]

I think I felt this kinda all of my life, one way or another, especially daydreaming, I'm pretty sure about 75% of my waking life was daydreaming. There was one episode where I consciously felt the dissociative episode: I was talking to a client and suddenly I became hyper-aware of my voice and it triggered heavy dysphoria at that moment, but since I was working and could not stop I had to push through and after I litterally just felt like I was pushed into the back seat and was just watching me from afar talking in auto-pilot.
I also want to add that the longer I am "away" the bigger the shock is when I glance my body. It's like I forget about it and then I'm like "WTF is that? That's mine??"

[juliamiller]

Dissociation has been present with me since I was a teen. I never really understood what I was doing. But I never felt like I was part of the person I was. I was emotionless, other than displaying anger when I was upset, that was my only emotion. I can't really say I thought I was out of my body, but rather, this body was on autopilot, and I really wasn't interested in it as I was just a passenger along for the ride. I referred to myself in the third person, rather than saying me or I, I would just say my name in the third person. I never had many friends, since I didn't want anyone to know me. I dropped gym as soon as I could in school, since I couldn't change in front of others. I hated swimming, but if I did, I always wore a t-shirt to cover myself. I wouldn't allow others to touch me, hug me, or kiss me. I would avoid that at all costs. My partner would complain to me that the only way I could love them, was if I loved myself first, and I hated myself. I was a terrible partner, and awful at sex, it was something I didn't want to do like a man. Since I went to therapy and we figured out I was trans, I have started hormones, and I have to be honest, my old life was like I was living in a black and white movie, and now I am experiencing technicolor. Things are so much different now. I am emotional, and laugh and cry all the time now. It's so different. Yes, the old person is still there, but I now feel that there is someone new in my life and I like her very much.

[Gay-yiyt]

Thank you for talking about this. I have dissociated from my body since a kid, which made me never realise I was trans in the first place. Repressing emotions or not focusing on them is one of the widest cognitive copes, so why can’t trans people use this cope as well? I believe that most trans people who aren’t fully aware of their dysphoria like my self deal with this. So when we’re talking about trans people without dysphoria, we’re talking about those who dissociate themselves so well they can fully ignore their dysphoria but that leads to a lot of problems such as:
Not being aware to feel alive, so being depressed
Hyposensitivity
Constantly being confused about identity
Being less interested in things
Gives you adhd like symptoms, such as not seeing things around you, constantly thinking and being in your head, etc

[farskye]

I've experienced this my whole life as an MTF. For me it comes in a form that I describe as a "Ghost in the Shell". Of course I'm referencing the popular anime. For me it feels like I'm an intelligence that resided in a vessel. Like there is an incongruency between myself and my body. I have memories of this going back to grade school. This has lead to me hiding aspects of myself and generally feeling detached. Thinking about it, it may explain a bit why I focus on helping others more then myself, but that is a bit too much to unpack in a comments section. Super helpful video, it has given me a lot to think on.

[AnnaTheFallMaiden]

I daydream incredibly often and I heavily suppress emotions, so yeah, I can relate to that ^^" The only time I can really cry when my therapist and I dig out something hurtful from deep down (it usually starts a laughing fit and then switches to a crying fit)

[cjx]

I feel like I experienced this a lot when I was going through puberty. I would constantly space out and run late because of it, because I couldn't stay focused on getting ready. It took me a long time to get my license because I couldn't stay present enough to drive. I didn't feel like I had any emotions aside from being more or less anxious. It made it really hard to socialize, because I just couldn't focus on the conversation or know how to interact with people. I also couldn't picture myself in my head, and had no idea what I actually looked like unless I was actively looking in a mirror. I remember seeing a picture of myself and asking my mom who that was, before finding out it was me.

The strange part is I feel like it's gotten a lot better even though I haven't started medically transitioning yet, which is a strange point of doubt for me. I think I still feel kind of disconnected from my appearance/don't fully know what I look like, but I don't feel spaced out much anymore. I'm happy about it, but I don't know quite what that means as far as whether transitioning is the correct choice for me or not. I mostly hear people say their dysphoria has only gotten worse, not decreased as they get older.

[vrnik]

I've done this a lot. I was so disconnected from my emotions that I often wondered if I even had any. I realize now this was numbness from dissociation, and... It's hard to figure out what's actually wrong when you're so disconnected you can't even see it.

[mirandalebel]

I often have difficulty not only expressing emotion but also feeling the emotion. I describe it as existing rather than experiencing my life. I only began recognizing dysphoria late in life about 2 years ago, I'm 67. I attributed my inability to 'feel' to a difficult childhood. This video resonates with me.

[fionaleigh]

Hi Dr Z. Thanks again for a wonderful video. I'm about three months into transition and its only been recently that I can say I feel present in myself, that I can feel, process emotions etc. The change in me has convinced my loved ones that I'm on the right track. My emotions were numbed, I had a very sketchy self-concept and I had absolutely no interest in sex when I was younger. I cant even say I suffered with GD all my life because I was so numb and nullified. I was like a log.
It all goes back to the mother and I suffer from profound misattachment and it screwed my life up completely. However finally admitting to myself that I'm Trans has been revolutionary.
You have helped me through a profoundly weird era in my life and Thank you so much xx

[shaneraynorski]

After seeing this video it has explained so much about what I do and how i have been subconsciously coping for such a long time. For years. It was just put into words. Feeling numb or not present in my body feels like ive just been floating along in life and had only realized this because my whole life i have never been truly in touch with myself until now after I know who I am in the inside and accepted it.

[MjikThize]

I'm 55 and I began transitioning almost 8 months ago. I never knew what dissociation was until hearing you describe the symptoms. As long as I can remember I'd be spaced out. (Even had the nickname "space" in school) I'd just kinda go into "machine mode" and let my body function on its own while i just went blank. It's interesting how I even utilized that as a benefit as an endurance cyclist, by going into auto pilot and not thinking. I'd spend a lot of time alone because interacting with people was stressful. Relationships have been trying especially where intimacy is involved and again I'd blank out while my body was on autopilot.

[krosssword]

This is what I do!
I realised that that I must have learned to dissociate during adolescence/puberty because I don’t remember experiencing a lot of the significant distress that gender dysphoric people typically experience then. That was because I just numbed myself and detached myself from my body and repressed my identity to cope.
I also related to the sex thing and used to think of myself as asexual, but I’ve recently realised that my ace symptoms actually all stem from gender dysphoria.

[rikidog]

It was difficult to untangle all my disassociation to figure out who I really was, but it'll be worth it in the end. Dr. Z, you've been there for every step of my journey and I start hormones next week! Thanks for being such a calm and knowledgeable voice on these topics. You're making the world a better place 💜