Toxic or Not: Andy's Friends & Boyfriend in THE DEVIL WEARS PRADA

Are Andy’s friends toxic… or not?

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright are launching a new series called Toxic or Not, in which they investigate if movie relationships labeled as toxic are really toxic and what “toxic” actually means. They’re starting with Andy’s friends from The Devil Wears Prada: Nate, Lily, and Doug. Jonathan and Alan combine their therapy and filmmaking expertise to determine whether her friends are toxic or not.

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Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, Alan Seawright, and Corinne Demyanovich
Edited by: Emily Colton
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis

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[jamesbarels]

The most unrealistic thing about Andy's boyfriend is he had no idea what it was like to work for a Demon of a boss, even though he is a Sous-Chef in early 2000s NYC.

[oliviamackenzie]

Doug is the only one of Andy's friends who is consistently supportive. He is excited for her when she gets the job, recognises the possible benefits and happy for her when she gets to go to Paris. Very much a Doug apologist

[TurdusRufiventris]

Here's the issue I have with the hot potato phone scene: when Andy storms off, instead of looking guilty (if surprised) at realizing they crossed a line, her friends share a look of "jeez, what's wrong with her?". It doesn't feel like _they_ feel like they did an oopsie — more like they were just joking around and Andy's overreacting.

[mari.tiengo]

I saw someone say on Twitter that the fakest thing about this movie is all the free time Nate has! He's a chef in NY! He more than anyone else should understand Andy's crazy schedule!

[jijitters]

When describing playful banter among friends you mentioned consent as a major part of it, so I was surprised you didn't mention that in the hot potato phone scene, Andie was not consenting to that banter which inherently changed the dynamic of it.

[ManeLastful]

I think the reason that the phone scene annoyed me so much is that they are basically mocking the very job that allowed her to give them thousands of dollar's gifts. It's not just insensitive it's ungrateful and rude

[amberjoy]

The telephone scene is what changed things for me too. You don't mess with someone's livelihood.

[CameronMetrejean]

I think a big reason that people want to point out any perceived toxicity from her friends or boyfriend is because in the realm of the movie, the lesson is entirely Andy’s to learn when, as y’all have pointed out, neither side is perfect . But while we see Andy come to some realizations at the end we don’t really get to see her boyfriend or friends behave differently by the end of it.

[NightChildBarbie]

So I was in Andy's position twice in my life. First time as an office coordinator and second time as a PA to a General Manager. I was stressed, I always had to carry my phone with me, I had to cancel on my friends and family many times. And you know how my BF and my friends reacted to this? They showed support. My boyfriend prepared little snacks for me to enjoy during the work day, helped with running errands when I was too stressed, told me every day that I was amazing at my job and hobbies. He knew how stressed I was - and decided not to add to it, and that I have to come to the conclusion of this chapter in my life on my own without him nagging all the time. This is why I can't stand Nate. Because I've seen how it should be, and that I would have snapped if my boyfriend had this attitude.

[MrsRubinaX]

As a sociology student I am asking myself if we are so more unforgiving because it's a woman who thrives in work instead of a man. We are so used to see men living for their careers while their wifes usually see their husbands less than their work collegues. Yes, those relations still have their hardships, but we are way more forgiving if men are busy with work because it's for their career. But if a woman is doing it she is not hardworking, but neglecting. That's actually proven by divorces back in the days, where a man can seperate because the women is not fullfilling her "marital work".

[PunkyPop]

Main argument I would put forth on the 'toxic' actions of her friends is, after taking the hot potato phone too far is that they do it knowing Andy is already stressed by the job, they don't apologise after pushing a joke too far, AND they don't actually thank Andy for the gifts she gives them.

Maybe its just the brit in me, but Andy calling them a-holes in that moment was 100% valid a reaction.they don't apologise after pushing a joke too far.

[ersatzsugar]

Andy, an award-winning student journalist at Northwestern, moved to NYC to become a professional journalist. She was ALWAYS ambitious, and her early working years were always going to be exactly what we see on screen. Exchange the fashion industry for the news and she might have gotten a less toxic boss, but her role would have been no less demanding. Perhaps Andy's friends didn't understand her from the beginning.

[irinas.]

I'm not an expert on toxicity, but the phone scene is just hard to watch. Andy is clearly panicking, pleading with them to return it. If one of my friends was yelling "no no no" over and over again with that facial expression and tone of voice, I'd stop whatever I was doing to them immediately. But her friends never stop. Andy makes them stop by grabbing her phone. The problem isn't that they could have gotten her fired. It's that they pay no attention to her very obvious distress.

[marysiaczitos]

all i know is that i DEFINITELY WOULD NOT LIKE to have friends who are like that.

[jogrejda]

I think there's also something to be said about the environment that Andy's friends and boyfriend created; how can they expect her to be honest and proud about this newfound passion when they "used to make fun of the fashion girls, and now [she's] one of them". She's coming into this with a fear of judgement from the people who are meant to be supporting herm on top of all the stress and fear of failure from her job. (Also that line about the 'fashion girls' irks me for its sexism)

[aud]

I think the reason people feel like Nate is so toxic is because the film language of the movie kind of paints him as 100% in the right. Like, he is never shown to apologize for his behavior or any of his sniping. He comes across as if he was always right, and Andy just had to come around to it, and they get back together in the end after a bunch of self discovery and growth on Andy’s part, and seemingly none of that on Nate’s part. It feels unbalanced, and it rankles, especially as a woman, bc we are societally expected to always be the one that sacrifices and forgives, and to never been the burden on the relationship. Like if TDWP was gender swapped it would feel hella different.

[poetryqn]

Playing Hot Potato with Andie's mobile wasn't an intervention - it was ABSOLUTELY disrespectful. If I disagree with a friend's choices, I don't sabotage those choices; I try to discuss my concerns like an adult. If she still disagrees with me, it's her life. Then I'm the one who gets to decide if I still want to be friends. But I don't force her hand.

[mamaru]

I think that the root of Andie's problems with her boyfriend/friends is that they think they are "too good" for the fashion world, and don't respect as a industry at all (but they like the benefits, like we saw with the presents). That's why Andy struggles to accept who she's becoming and tries to hide it, and that's why everyone is always praying on the "old Andie".

[raynastephanie]

I just rewatched The Devil Wears Prada last week and I don't know if I'm wrong or not but, besides hurting because Nate misses and loses Andy in a way, I also senses that he is kinda jealous of Andy, that Andy is thriving and growing

[aliceblack]

My biggest problem with Andy and Nate's relationship is that Andy returns to him after all that. Yes, she decided to not follow Miranda's path, but she clearly changed after this year in Runway. I'd say she found some middle ground for herself, but Nate doesn't seem to be able to accept that people change (or give their attention to other things in life). So Andy basically goes back to the person who presses her to think that "old Andy was good".