Narcissists' Flying Monkeys | Motive & Personality Profile

This video answers the question: What are flying monkeys (winged monkeys; narcissists’ agents) in the context of narcissism? What are the motives of a flying monkey? What is the personality profile of a flying monkey? Narcissists’ agents are individuals who follow orders of narcissists, particularly in the context of romantic, family, and work settings.

Narcissism:

There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.

[htpm]

My experience of going no contact with the narcissist also means no contact with their flying crew of agents. I have walked away from more people in the past year than I have met in 10 years (or something like that, that's what it feels like).

[estellepatella]

I've been manipulated by narcissists. They're very crafty and insidious. The ones that pride themselves on their "niceness" are the absolute worst.

[desktopkitty]

When I was only 10 years old, long before I even knew terms like narcissist, I referred to my older brother as being my parents' flying monkey. As I got older my parents became more dangerous and more violent. When I tried to report them to my teacher, school counselors and then eventually to the police, my brother would loyally defend them. He would take their side and they would tell everyone I was lying. I even reached a point I questioned my own sanity. My family made up stories of how I was a difficult child, that I was dangerous and attacked them. They painted me out to be the villain and they were my victims. But it was the other way around.

[MrVoraxTranstellaris]

I've experienced taunting, gossiping audibly behind my back, making certain sounds or saying certain words while passing by, trying to hear me out, eavesdropping, etc. from one flying monkey. Basically bullying and mobbing by proxy, trying to get under your skin, to try and make you angry and lash out. Then of course, report back to the narcissist about the result. I don't think I've ever seen a lower lifeform than this. Sad and sickening. Cowardly and pathetic. Yet extremely damaging because they're so persistent.

[Lynn-Megan]

I’d not heard of this before. It sounds as if the most important thing is not to give the agent any information to take back to the narcissist. Don’t play the game ! A great teaching and learning video as usual.🙂

[untoldscribe]

The fact that the malignant narc becomes SO obsessed with you that they have to use flying monkeys is bad enough, but when the monkeys are other narcs/sociopaths it's even worse. Can relate. They band together, all pressuring you to do the bidding of the narc, so they can all use you as their jester for supply/sadistic entertainment. How brave of them...not.

[dottyp]

It’s not just romantic partners of narcissists that experience this, I can promise you that. Any relationship with close proximity to a narcissist leaves you open to abuse by a narcissist and their agents.

Very interesting insights though. Thank you Dr Grande ☺️. Validating for a lot of people I’m sure ☺️

[simo]

In my experience, most flying monkeys are also other narcissists who see them attacking you and think you must be easy prey.

[morobl]

What I find most interesting Dr. Grande is that these agents never come to we the victims of such gaslighting to ask us our side of the story. It seems implausible that one would just buy into someone's tale and never get the whole story. I went no contact ten years ago because of a scenario like this. If one is in a family where everyone buys the narcs nonsense and not one individual asked me about it seems impossible, hard to understand or even believe, so it took years to get it. Life is good now by the way. Thank you for the informative video.

[kellymitchell]

My ex convinced my family and closest friend that I was the problem. Then my friend went on a weekend ski trip with us. He couldn't hide his true colors that long, and she apologized for not believing me. But it's maddening how they can isolate you like this!

[einsteindarwin]

Yes I had a colleague who was an agent of a narcissistic boss who loved drama. They both finally turned on one another and imploded.

[vanessasouthern]

Really helpful video. My daughter was sent as the flying agent by my covert malignant narc mother to blame me for my father dying. It triggered a suicide attempt. A lifetime of bullying. He died a premature death as she punished him for finally having a relationship with me, his daughter. He was originally the enabler to her behaviour but woke up later in life. Now I’ve cut them ALL off. Starting to heal now 🙏😊

[sylettemonroe]

Flying monkeys are not trapped. They are motivated also by getting something out of it. Most enjoy not all but most are just as bad as the narc. Motivation is key.

[jennyh]

Refuse to participate in this type of triangulation made it very clear I neither wanted information or gossip and reframed from venting my anger. I knew that the narcissist had deployed these tactics in the past, Cut my losses and walked away from the coward

[vivianhaugaard]

I like the term "agents" better than "flying monkeys", as it's more descriptive instead of being judgmental. Having been manipulated myself once to act as an agent of a manipulative person, I know how you can do someone elses dirty work in the belief that you're helping a situation.

[mobius]

My mother took over ally social groups with Flying Monkey's. Multiple bowling leagues and various Meet-Up groups all taken over. I had to leave them all to maintain No Contact, and as a result have many of the symptoms of Avoidant Personality Disorder. She even had people come into my home and computer while I was out, and found a dating site I was on. I subsequently dated a covert Flying Monkey for years before I found out. It's a horrible feeling, and it's hard to trust anyone now. I wouldn't wish this on anyone.

The narcs agents are weak minded personalities who believe the narc's lies and twisted truths with out question. They simply do not consider the fact that they are being lied to by the narc . It is done behind your back . It is amazing how they do not attempt to hear both sides of the situation, but takethe narcissist's lies and internalize them . It is easier to convince the world of a lie than to convince the world that they believe a lie

[wanderingfree]

The vulnurable narc manipulates the agents and makes them feel like they have to defend the narcassist. The Vulnurable narcassist is excellent at playing the victim and who doesnt defend a victim?

[JonFTrudel]

Pretty much described a group of friends I used to engage with perfectly. 1 main dominate narcissist with who would get his little agents to do everything for him. When I started having issues with the dominate narcissist, one of the more drama focused extroverted agent would be asking all types of passive-aggressive questions trying to mask that the questions are coming from the narcissist. Others would simply relay certain narratives, and some just became difficult with me out of no where. Very good assessment Dr.Grande!

[lynnbrown]

For those of us triangulated by the narcissist and their agents, your words are fact. Thank you for the validation.