Rant: Stop Telling Women To Smile | NowThis

Nikki Glaser is a stand up comedian.

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[MsRac]

People obligate others into smiling or forcing them to become happy when they are not supposed to that in the first place. People should have the right to decide which emotions they prefer/choose to use. Smiling or happiness in not the only emotion people use. Let people choose their own emotions or attitudes. Respect the right to freedom and choice.

[Toshimi]

"You should smile, you'd look so much prettier."
"You should shut your mouth, you'd sound so much smarter."

Seriously, though, you may have made them smile, but you did not make them the least bit *happy*.  In fact, they may be pissed off at you for not minding your own damn business.  Or doing it out of fear of you because hey you already violated a rule of common courtesy among strangers and put them on the spot, what other personal boundaries are you, random stranger, willing to breach?  And there's no way a random stranger can know for sure whether you're a nice ordinary citizen or a timebomb who will chase them into a dark alley with a knife.

Seriously, if you tell unknown women who are minding their own business to smile and look pretty for you, stop.  You're being annoying at best, creepy at worst.

[janicewallace]

The problem with telling someone to smile: If I don't comply to the total stranger who has said, "you should smile more, Sweetheart" or "you would be prettier if you'd smile", the next thing I hear from behind me is, "fucking bitch." How is that NOT harassment? I've had men even follow me a bit on the sidewalk after that, while I'm trying to mind my own business, they continue on about how rude I AM being and what total bitch or whore or whatever I am. I am under no obligation to answer or smile or speak, yet to seems those men feel I AM required to respond. It feels like harassment to me and it happens more often than many would admit. . 

[BabelSongs]

Now that I'm menopausal and look older, it has stopped happening to me. Which is just as well because I feel I'd probably assault someone at this stage, or at least get into some horrible confrontation.

[missfit]

Most people in this comment section who don't understand Nikki are either male (and thus often don't know the impact that this kind of behaviour can have on women) or they haven't understood street harrassment. Telling some stranger to smile is an invasion of their privacy and gives them the feeling that their appearance isn't pleasing enough - a feeling (especially) women already grow up with. That is called objectification and it's part of the problem called sexism.
Hope it helps :)

[WhatsInYourShoes]

To all those men that are saying 'there's nothing wrong with it, it doesn't make me a rapist.' Do you tell men to smile? They're walking down the street minding their business and you tell them to smile.
Either
1. You don't cause you have no interest to tell a guy to smile cause it might look like your hitting on them, or
2. The random guy thinks your hitting on them. Why else would you tell a guy to smile?

So why would you tell a woman you don't know, don't know what mood she is in' don't know how she's feeling, and here you come along a random guy 'hey beautiful give us a smile' seriously?

[AK-ibir]

It wouldn't be bad for men to tell woman to smile if they're a friend or family member and saying it for the sake of the person to cheer up or something. But if it's a random stranger, it's usually not polite, and just fucking creepy. C'mon guys, if a random stranger goes up to you and says "hey smile a little" or "you'd look better with a smile on your face" out of fucking nowhere, then I'm sure you'd get the creeps. 

[romponun]

Asking (ordering, actually) someone to smile is like telling them "I don't like your face like that. Change it to please me".

[jomoody]

I went to work last week and I was a bit sleepy but calmed. My boss comes -he always arrives after me- and since I wasn't smiling he said "Why are you angry?" and I said I'm not, but he kept saying all day that I was angry. Also, I drink 1 cup of coffee in the day, but he's convinced I drink 10 or something, and he criticizes like 100 times a day for this, and since he did this that day I got a bit tired of it, so in his eyes I was angrier. It was a fucking vicious circle. I come calmed to work, the first thing he says to me is why am i angry, i'm not angry and he starts with the fucking absurd thing about coffee, while he drinks 5 cokes every day.
I'm so tired of him. I know it sounds stupid, but it's the same problem: WE HAVE TO SMILE, WHILE THEY ARE ALLOWED TO GET ANGRY BECAUSE OF ANYTHING. We have to be princesses and be perfect and not complain even if our works are boring as fuck.
I'm so done.

[roatkins]

I was just about to walk into a churchyard on my way into a funeral when a middle-aged neanderthal sneered "cheer up darlin', gimme a smile". I was 16 years old & on my own. I was too afraid of him to answer back because of the way he was leering at me. I'm now 30 and remember it vividly. It's the 21st century for crying out loud - it's time men joined us in it.

[axelsmith]

why do we have to smile all the time, even if we're in pain, sad or just not feeling like it? lately i've been in a bad mood, sick, periods, stress etc... and what my dumb father managed to say was 'don't make that dumb-ass face and put on a smile!' to which i told him that i wasn't feeling like it and sneered a bit. And there he called me a 'twat'.... am i really supposed to smile after such a thing?!

[a.caramfil]

It is worse when your manager says that.

[perryh.]

I'm a man and I would rather NOT see a smile. Ladies that have that serious look, that "I'm thinking look" and that "are you serious" look are WAY more attractive than one who smiles.

[lydiavarga]

So many people don't seem to understand that, yes, some women feel compelled to smile out of fear. Not only have I been followed or harassed after not smiling for some creep, but I know a couple of friends that have as well.
And it's seriously scary as shit.

Just don't say it unless you're friends or something, and it's appropriate for the situation.

[lillerbutton]

says a lot how the only people shouting "idiot" and overreaction here are men... who obv are normally the ones doing these things and hardly ever going through things like street harassment... and what kind of people these commenters are you can read in their misoginy calling this woman the c-word etc

[Julie-jlkk]

it's not like people who are being told to smile by strangers are the ones who suffer the most in the world. we get that it isn't the most horrible thing that we need to call 911 for. but it is just the most annoying thing in the world when it happens. strangers telling you how you feel and what kind of person you are just because your face is resting and imposing their ignorant opinions on you and expect you to take their advice? like, shut up and go away please. if i don't feel like smiling, it's none of your business! if i see someone clearly suffering, then yes, it would be nice for people to help them! but telling people to smile just cuz u want to see them smile does no body any favors.

[HorstEwald]

To put things into perspective, it always helps to switch roles: Imagine yourself walking down the street. A fat, elderly woman, asks you to smile. For her.

Guess a man's reaction!

[missfunkadilly]

Correlating a smile request to a rape threat is really not helping our case lady. Is it creepy and unwanted when random guys ask me to smile? Yes. Have I ever felt unsafe from it? No. Don't equate every unwanted interaction with a guy as a potential rape threat, this is why people don't take feminists seriously.

Now guys, the whole smile thing is fucking annoying. It is always men that tell me to smile, and it is always when I look nice. If I am wearing my normal comfy bummish clothes (shorts or jeans and a loose t-shirt) with a messy pony, I'm left alone, but if I've got on nicer clothing, makeup and nice hair I'll get told to smile multiple times during the day and always by men. Like I'm some walking barbie doll. Ironically, if I make eye contact with people while I'm out in public I will almost always smile. It's ingrained in me from years of customer service work. But I can't always smile, I'm not the village idiot, walking around with a smile plastered on my face 24/7. Just today as I was reading my grocery list, trying to figure out what I forgot to add, some random old guy walked up to me and told me to smile. I was completely engrossed in thought and barely noticed him until he was right next to me. Asking me to smile for him was just odd and of no help to me.

Most of the time when I'm told to smile I just smirk and walk off to get away from the weirdo, but it's an annoyance and an unnecessary interruption into whatever I may be doing at the time. If you truly are asking someone to smile for an altruistic reason as so many men insist, you wouldn't be asking something of them, but rather giving them something instead; ie. a smile from you, a joke, a pleasant comment, or a compliment. The problem is, most people aren't altruistic and aren't really asking you to smile because they are concerned for your well being, but rather to fill some sort of need of theirs.

[DRMZ]

As a person that doesnt i smile often i am regurlarly asked to smile from strangers friends and coworkers. I simply say ok and continue my day unbothered. If the most of my worries is a small inconveniece of being told to smile is botheribg me then im having a good life.

[deltalives]

Being a guy, I didn't understand this for a long time. Sure, it seemed off-color or a bit creepy but it was also something that didn't happen to me. Guys usually don't get told by random men on the street to "smile more". And it's the power differential that really matters here. If you're a woman, sure, 99% of the time nothing happens if you talk back to someone who tells you "you should smile" but sometimes something does and is that something you want to risk? Over a smile? Nah, not usually. So you put on a fake smile. You do something that this random guy on the street told you to do for your safety. That's something most men don't experience and, thus, don't understand. But we can listen and learn and try to understand.