The step people miss when changing a bad habit

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#Motivation #habits #mentalhealth

[PrimMavericK]

My favourite quote from a Halo Machinima series called Hard Justice went like this:
1 > "Dude, we need jobs."
2 > "I know right?"
1 > "And knowing is half the battle"
2 > "Dude, omg we just fought half a battle today."
1 > "Holy shit you're right, lets celebrate."

Then they smoked weed and ate pizza all day

[heathermason]

Dr. K, can you make a video on motivational gurus and if self-help from non-professionally trained people just makes things worse? Your content has provided real mental clarity for me to work through my problems instead of the toxic positivity new age cult thinking

[Knorkrax]

This reminds me of a quote from Gabor Maté's book "In the Realm of hungry Ghosts" which deals with addiction.

Whether substance or behaviour addiction every answer as to what the addiction offers them boils down to: "[My addiction] helped me escpe emotional pain; [...] deal with stress; gave me peace of mind, a sense of connection with others, a sense of control".

These lines resonated immensely with my current situation which exceeds "I play sinply to enjoy"... No it rather feels like "My past creeps up on me and yet another existential crisis approaches. I dont know what to do. Let me out of here!".

When games/addictions serve as a pain killer or a time skip you know it's time to deal with your inner demons. You can't outrun them. Either fight with full HP or get forced while you are at low HP without an option to flee.

[Winged_Snek]

My issue in this field stems from apathy, actually. Whether I drink water or soda, eat well, workout, be productive, or sleep all day, get stoned and play video games, I always come out the other side apathetic.

[Jesus_friggin_christ]

I'm an alcoholic and addicted to weed and video games (really I'm just addicted to escaping reality) but I've been sober for 3, 5 weeks now since I started working out every day. small beginnings but I've sort of replaced my old addictions with new healthier ones (like diet and exercise) which push me in a healthier direction, and allow me to heal the underlying problems. I started watching your videos a while ago and recently started seeing a therapist. It's been a great help and I'd recommend literally everyone to go see a therapist, even if you think your doing fine. getting a better understanding of myself and why I act the way I do has been an incredibly uplifting experience for me. Like before I was stuck in a rut, and my vision was cloudy, I couldn't see a way to improve or didn't have the motivation. Since starting therapy I've realized what was holding me back and now I am hopeful and optimistic about the future. I wanna thank you for opening the bridge for me to go to therapy, without these video's I never would have gone, and I would still be stuck where I was a few months ago.

[otaieb]

Thats exactly how Ive been feeling about the self-improvement channels aka nofap channels or whatever lately. They dont show u the process, they dont acknowledge that some people might be struggling hard w porn, all they do is shame on ppl who fap and allat. So when you try to quit and automatically find yourself relapsing, youd feel this huge shame and itd take u to a much darker path..

[ryomitsui]

That's always been my greatest issue is that I can tell or even scream (internally) at myself to "feel this way instead", "think of this as that instead", but no amount of reasoning or berating makes it feel any different. Everything always feels like a massive struggle other than these easy dopamine things (roguelike gaming since there's very little in the way of getting to the action, fps, or fighting games; endlessly watching youtube; or (very rarely) watching shows/movies).

Though, even indulging in those dopamine actions is a hit or miss chance and when it's a 'hit', I just feel guilty during or after because I chose to waste my time/life/etc on something that has no purpose and is potentially just an addiction.

Really, I wish I could just be stupid in such a way as to be ignorant to all the things that stop me from doing something "productive". Stop caring about what success is, what successful is, what cool, good, or awesome is. Like, rewrite what joy is in my head so it's only the things that mater, cause it's exhausting to force yourself through every action while things like adult-adhd and the grinding of the machine that is capitalism, actively thwart your efforts or turn that path into one you have to crawl through and is covered in broken glass. (fyi, 38 yo w/o collage and a C average in school, so the hourglass I'm in feels a lot more like like boulders dropping on me than grains of sand)

[Adama.]

I kinda did this automatically once when I was trying to lose weight. I used to binge late at night and I randomly had this strong motivation to stop that among other changes. At night I would still get very hungry, but for some reason this feeling only strengthened my resolve instead of making it hard for me. That is until my motivation was randomly lost again a few weeks later. Did manage to lose some weight in the meantime at least.

[entropyfun]

It's true, once I realized that basically I smoke to get rid of anxiety and negative emotions it was much easier to quit. However, I am smoking again after two years. And now that I understand why I smoke and I still choose to do it I'm kind of stuck because the realization alone doesn't motivate me enough to stop again.

[dezsber]

I literaly only play games when i should study. If im over the exams, i dont even do it!!😂

[TheGreektrojan]

In addition to all of the direct health benefits, exercise helps with this a lot. Doing exercise, and I mean sufficiently intense exercise where your brain is screaming at you to stop and learning to power through it is such a helpful life skill. My technique I learned years ago was to ignore the voice in my brain and focus on the sensations of my body. More often than not my heartrate is definitely up but its not going berserk, my legs might be a bit sore but its no where near as bad as my brain is telling me that it is. Similar idea with the food example or myriad of other things but learning to go anyways is a strong skill to learn.

[calyco]

I think i start to getting addicted to Youtube.
Like, i've binged watching it for 2-3 hours, easily distracted by it. Sometimes i feel an urge/feeling that force me to watching it, or feeling like "you got to watch this video to finish"
I think my brain start to hijack me.

[Mrtz]

Hey ladies 'n gentlemen. I can only recommend the book "Atomic Habits" from James Clear. The book is all about habit changing and building, with the goal to add positive habits to your life and deleting negative ones. Have a nice day everyone.

[TheDhammaHub]

The entire universe changes rather slowly and we should do that too... too many things at once almost always lead to failure in the near future

[lucisangelum]

A couple years back I spoke with an incredible teacher of mine about struggling with perfectionism and feeling inadequate despite the goals I've achieved. I spoke about how the failures of my life and the discomfort always outweigh the positives, and how I can't seem to focus my mind on anything else, thus never being able to find authentic peace and happiness. He understood and gave me lots of useful pieces of advice, but the main part of his advice which stood out and I think back to continuously was "be comfortable with feeling uncomfortable". I'll be honest, I really didn't understand it at the time which is part of why it became sort of engraved in my head. I was around 17 back then and I'm 19 now, turning 20 soon. Each time I felt the way I mentioned, I'd think back to that phrase and try to understand what it meant, what value there was in feeling discomfort or how that could potentially help me. As my mental health issues worsened, particularly depression and anxiety, I looked more into this sort of philosophy. I'll be honest I still don't fully grasp it, I'm very used to suppressing emotions especially uncomfortable ones, to a degree where half the time I actually can't tell what I'm feeling because I don't understand it unless it's so intense I can't escape it. So, it's hard for me to really understand how to sit with it and not try to tame it or escape it. But watching videos like this and reading these comments is really helping me actually understand why I do things the way I do and how to better regulate my emotions so I simply allow them to exist, without letting them dictate how I live my life and subsequently ruin it. It's already been helping me a lot. I hope soon enough when I recall that phrase one more time, I'll be able to fully grasp its meaning and really employ it in my life. I think it's key for my self-improvement and I hope maybe it'll help someone else as well if they come across this comment.

[Kr]

Dr K may be a psychiatrist, but I believe Dr.K has raw talent in psychology and body language, and he is extremely aware of his surroundings, not letting people see his interpretations of them until he can be certain. Not just a Psychiatrist. A very highly intelligent and calculated one. The more I watch DR K The more I see his talent. So cool.

[raibug]

The thing is, I am happier with the me that doesn't give in, I feel like I finally have control in my life and feel ACTUALLY good, but after some time, that just doesn't seem to be enough. Initially, nothing feels better and more freeing than giving in, even if it's the freedom that comes from submission. I know that exercising makes me feel good both mentally and physically, I know that eating well does the same thing, but it just.isn't.enough. The urge to self-sabotage is immense. Maybe the hardest part of all is moving forward and trying again even if both logic and feelings say you will fail again.

[uperM]

That is a really good mindset. It's weird that you want to feel bad, but you have to realise that you're rewarding yourself for overcoming these feelings.

[yni]

Note:
1. Tryy to sit with negative emotions and try not to give in by noticing how you feel.
2. Do the bad habit and not do the bad habit then notice how you feel after.

Hw: Do something uncomfortable to do like doing the thing I don’t have confidence in, not checking the phone in the morning, not watching something on the toilet for long, not scrolling during work, bing eating… with as much awareness as possible. Keep trying, try to do my best.
2. Go back to journaling for better mind clarity and remember day to day things. Keep track of progress, at least a sentence is enough.
3. Meditate when my mind is stimulated/overwhelmed to clear things up ( just testing)

[Moose]

Allowing and encouraging myself to sit with negative emotions like guilt has been one of the best evolutions of my life.