When Is It Time to Pull Back and Simply Focus on Your Own Healing?

Today Samuel answers a viewers question and shares insight into when it's time to focus on your own recovery

- What kind of affair was it?

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“The Recovery Library gave me 24/7 support because I could be up at 3am and search for the topic I was struggling with. It also helped as a couple because we could investigate topics together so it wasn’t subjective. I trusted this information because it was from professionals who also had lived through and recovered from infidelity. Double credibility in my book.”
- Amanda, Florida

HEAL with Affair Recovery:

[anneciawallace]

I like this video. I'm in this stage now as the betrayed. I've been working on myself realizing how much I've been leading the horse to water. Finally, I took slightly drastic measure and moved I to another room of the house so that I can have peace, focus on myself and get out of God's way. Pray for us!

[laniec.f.]

Samuel, it never ceases to amaze me how many times I am in need of guidance, reassurance, and advice and find the exact information that I need in a video. I always feel so understood. I have said many times how grateful I am for you and your videos, but every time I say it, I immediately think of Samantha and realize the amazing person that she must be as well. She is behind the scenes, but she is a huge part of your being able to be in the position you are in and teaching the things you are teaching. I cannot say it enough how grateful I am for you both and the Affair Recovery organization. Blessings.

[table.for_]

I'm in this same position! My husband had an affair and back in July last year we decided it was best for me and the kids to move out. In February we moved back and he said things would change and he was ready to heal together. But he has still been talking to the girl he had an affair with. This entire time while being intimate with me he is still talking to her. The way he is towards the kids is very toxic. I just don't know what to do any more 😫

[franciscoquintana]

I need to do this but it’s so hard, I want to do everything possible to make sure she doesn’t leave. Even do she was the cheater. I’m so afraid of loosing her.

[BenjaminBrown]

I needed this today. I feel this way. I need to pull back and work on me.

[Ricci]

Samuel. Since discovering my husband's infidelity through therapy and research I've also now come to understand that he displays narcissistic tendencies. Can you give me any insight on dealing with a narcissistic cheating spouse. I haven't come across any faith based information regarding this subject.

[ducky]

My husband sets off my triggers by accusing me of sleeping with people at my local market he's the one who cheated I despise him he's very controlling I really don't think I can live with him anymore 😒

[sherylrodriguez]

EXCELENT word for me cannot tell you how timely... and THANKYOU

[renemarshall]

How do you heal yourself when you can’t seem to get pass the pain?

[PrettygirlRe]

I think I may have listen to this once before but today is when I needed this message the most. I started out trying to focus on myself being the unfaithful to give him time but frequently I would ask him about if we would stay married. If he was willing to try and he always felt I was rushing him and not being sensitive or understanding to what he's going through. It's truly a daily walk. It's almost like I need daily instructions on how to heal in the midst of his pain and frustrations. So thank you for this. It's been a blessing to my life.

[kevinbenitez]

Hey Samuel I just lost my first love of 5 years because I was an addicted unfaithful and i was caught and lost her forever. We weren’t married or anything so I lost her. I was unfaithful in many ways and she forgave me for some but when she caught me again for my addiction she cut everything off and me out of her life. I don’t know how to get past this feeling of emptiness and regret and anger and hate for myself and for not being able to have my way. I feel like I can’t accept what I did or lost yet. I lost her 5 days ago

[BeautyandtheBarista]

I have yet to see real remorse or empathy... it has only been 1 week since the last discovery. But he seems fine. I'm not sure if this is a sign that I should move on without him.

[stonecold]

How do you guys deal with the knowledge of knowing that there was a point in time where your spouse was prepared and ready to lose you?

[guacamole]

Just an amazing video. Thank you for all this work.

[matosison]

How can I even focus on my own healing if my unfaithful spouse doesn’t want to leave? I want him to leave already. I want a separation but he is insistent that he wants to fix our relationship. But he is doing nothing to make me feel safe. I do not think I can ever trust him ever ever again. Hence the want to separate. Grrr. But he just doesn’t want to leave.

[beebee]

When you decide to work on yourself, what kind of communication/boundaries do you have with your spouse?

[patticriss]

Sometimes you don’t have a choice. When your spouse just shuts everything down and says it’s time to forgive and move on and behave as if nothing happened. After 35 years of waiting and working and trying, it’s obvious my spouse can’t reciprocate.

[VanceMcKim]

How does this work when your significant other is looking to date other guys as part of the process to heal herself?

[FloMorganBuffaloBills]

They need to keep their recovery going, then the betrayed will see they are working to become the man they need.