'How We've Been Misled by 'Emotional Intelligence'' | Kris Girrell | TEDxNatick

Knowing how to respond to others’ emotional states is the essence of Emotional Intelligence. But how do we actually learn it? Executive leadership coach Kris Girrell suggests that sometimes the path to becoming intimately aware of our emotions may be a little bumpier than we bargained for, but in the end, results in stronger relationships.

Kris is an executive leadership coach, co-owner of the Goddard Preschool in Reading, and author of A Married Man’s Survival Guide. Kris believes that emotional intelligence plays a fundamental role in successful leadership. Kris is a co-organizer of Operation ELF (Everybody Loves Families) which spreads the holiday spirit to hundreds of underprivileged children in Framingham each December.

[krisgirrell]

A couple of comments: First of all, thank you to everyone who has watched this. Secondly, TED kind of picks your title and there is a very small window of time to approve/disapprove. Thirdly, I didn't think anyone would watch a talk on the dark night of the soul or how I learned to feel more by falling flat on my face. So because it had to do with EI, I went for that. And lastly to those who comment on all of the side issues (men and emotions, development, sensory integration, and a whole raft of other very relevant topics) you are absolutely right, but in a 10-14 minute talk you just cant touch on everything. Heck I wrote a 260 page dissertation on the dark night and gave it about 2 minutes worth of space in this talk! But thank you everyone, really. This has been humbling to say the least.

[NewEarth]

Regret is the birthplace of empathy and grief is the birthplace of compassion..being vulnerable and open...rewires us thru emotional intimacy...beyond emotional intelligence

[Marelim]

Substance lasts forever. This lecture is pure valuable substance! Thank you so much!

[debbycastellitto]

This is a man who gives us a gift in less than 15 minutes. Empathy, intimacy and compassion make us whole and it makes our relationships whole. Thank you kind sir.

[bartshatto]

Powerful, heartfelt, passionate...The Master of Messy. This is the path to true enlightenment - vulnerability knows no bounds.

[rhondarose]

YOU ARE A BLESSING TO MANY.THANK GOD YOU KNOW TRUTH.KIDS OF ALL AGES NEED TO ROLE PLAY-LEARNING HOW TO EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS SO they DON'T ACT OUT&USE THEIR BODIES TO HURT OTHERS(VIOLENCE, DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, BULLYING, ETC., ETC.).PARENTS CAN'T WAIT FOR PUBLIC SCHOOLS!THEY NEED TO TEACH KIDS NOW&BY EXAMPLE!LOVE&BLESSINGS

[dennisr.levesque]

You're definitely onto something. I'm glad Emotional Intelligence was put in quotes. It always bothers me when someone tries to diss intelligence. The quotes explain a lot. But, a lot of scientists do tend to say, "...oh, they're just feelings...", as if they weren't real or relevant. My only point is that, if intelligence was used before-the-fact, then a lot of negative emotions could have been avoided. A lot of times, negative emotions are just stumbled into by the lack of intelligence. But then again, there are those those times when it's by no fault of your own. Either way, something has to be dealt with. You can't just dismiss it and "move on". I'm glad someone (you) said something about it. Thanks for the post.

[HeavenestStCyr]

Regret is the birthplace of empathy. Grief is the birthplace of compassion.

[TessaNow]

I got throught about 3/4 of this before I switched it off. This guy hasn't suffered enough. When one has been through a lot of suffering, it's not about being empathetic to others. It's actuall about getting off one's behind and helping them solve the problems. Screw Emotional Intellligence. Let's offer real help instead of 'thoughts and prayers.'

[saatviks]

this is soo dam true. I've been through a dark phase and just after that u start to value emotions so much!

[dharmmasangha]

The reason I like Ted Talks is that there are not 15 minute intros with tons of listing of the speaker's attributes, etc. Just gets to the point.

[GnosisMan]

It was Carl Jung who said that "all neurosis is a substitute for legitimate suffering"The dark night of the soul is when that which keeps us from a greater awareness of ourHumanity, dies. From this death then comes freedom, It's the kind of awakening that trulyTransforms

[vicino.]

This video makes me feel secure. I can't properly express what I'm looking for and I get confused about it on different days, and it has been so long now. To know that it's expressed here by this man makes me feel like I can always go back and refocus, and express it to others. Thank you.

[theshimmering]

After reading many of the comments to this talk, it is so very disappointing to see so much anger and hostility pointed toward a man for talking about and expressing (some) emotion. The level of criticism and petty fault finding go way beyond constructive criticism and basic opinions and are clearly attempts to punish a man for daring to talk about emotions and their importance in life. I guess it shouldn't be too surprising, but I wonder how long it will be when a man can talk about these things without being met with intense resistance. I realize not everyone needs to be deeply emotional, but to not see the value of emotions or their intelligence is one of the most pressing issues of our time. It could literally be the death of us if we think that science and technology are the only things we need to survive.

[nickmagrick]

I feel like I can emotionally connect with anyone. But im autistic, and I feel I also have a total lack of ability to connect both ways at the same time.

[AntonioBrandao]

In the end, still didn't get how we were "misled" by emotional emotional intelligence. He called it emotional intimacy in the end, but that's still in the realm of emotional intelligence. It seems he had an emotional epiphany, and finally "felt it". It seems to me, he never had understood what emotional intelligence was in the first place, just because he looked at it an a Sheldon-esque way.

[pe]

Like saying its better to have loved and lost than not having loved at all. Experience it first hand tp empathise

[birdkooistra]

Question, Why is it some humans take the dark night of the soul & it brings forth compassion. & with others it breeds a cesspool of anger, hate, discontent, with the need to lash out & hurt & use as many others as their miserable life span will allow ? Also LOVE the Emotional periodic table ! Ever so good I have to share it with the Richard Feynman group :) Geek out !

[TheXComputerXDr]

One of my favorite things about video recorded lectures is that the ones that are produced we'll have a camera on the audience to capture reactions to different moments in the lecture, sometimes they are short and hard to catch if your not looking, but damn they pay off when you do notice, very helpful for expressing the volitity of a point.

[almaisaks]

"How We've Been Misled by 'Emotional Intelligence'" | Kris Girrell | TEDxNatick