The Truth About Yelling At Kids - Gordon Neufeld, PhD

Psychologist and Author Gordon Neufeld, PhD, shares advice for parents on how yelling or screaming at your children really affects them, and why it is better to handle your frustration with your child in a more constructive manner.

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Please watch: "Celebrities Give Parenting Advice"
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[arianorid]

Parents, believe me when I say yelling at your kid as a means of discipline can really screw us up later in life. The only memories I have of my mom from when I was little are ones where she’s screaming and yelling at me for small things and ripping a brush through my hair telling me how bad I am. Therefore, even now that I’m a teenager, I can’t find it in myself to trust my mom. It’s hard to be around her. And she hasn’t stopped, either. She still exhibits those tendencies. I have absurdly low self-esteem. I can’t stand up for myself. I have horrible anxiety. I freak out when people raise their voice or get even a little frustrated with me. I know that yelling may seem so common and may seem like it’s working now, but it’s only making your child afraid of you. It’s really gonna mess them up in the long run, trust me. You decided to have a child, so treat them right, unlike my mom did/does.

[gaz]

Yelling at your kids make them not want to talk to you.

[ashurgeorge]

Don't yell at your children. They never asked to be born... and have no choice but to be around you. If you can't handle having children, don't have them. Live within your means... don't yell at kids in public. Be a roll model to your children. Their minds aren't fully formed, and anything they do "wrong" is a result of your parenting.. provide a healthy example.

[fiz]

I have low self-esteem, my mom yells at me.. I feel like she did nothing with me, sometimes I wish I could lock myself away from the world.

[parentingforpeaceperth]

It saddens me so much reading the comments on this video. No child deserves to be yelled at. We have a generations of parents passing down the legacies that were done to them. Its time to stop the cycle and support parents to parent better.

[rhysasroom]

My dad yells at me when I'm in a upset state.
The most recent happened today.
I was looking for my quilt and I couldn't find it. Also, this quilt was VERY special to me, it was made by my great great grandma that passed away 4 months ago and that's the only thing I have to remember her.
I asked my dad to help because I started getting anxious.
Soon, I have up and sat on my bed. My dad was looking for it in my room and started yelling at me for no reason saying that it's my fault.
Sometimes parents just need to learn how to take care of their sad 9 year old child that just finished 4th grade and only has 2 friends and they are both out of reach.

[adventuresinblox]

*My mom yells at me*
*expects me not to cry about it*
*when I start crying she thinks she I can just tell me to stop and I’ll stop*
*she yells at me even more tell me how I’m such an emotional person*
*she compares me to others, telling me why can’t you be like him, or why can’t you think like her, why can you control yourself*
*she always tells me how bad I am*


Now Thanks To That,

I get High anxiety when there’s the slightest but of yelling
If I’m under pressure by brain shuts off
If I’m near the person I get compared to I start getting a grudge towards them, and try to avoid them
I never think I’m good enough
I have low self esteem
If someone yells at my uncontrollable tears start running down my face
Sometimes I feel like I want to lock myself away from this world
Sometimes when it’s all nice and quiet I still hear my mom yelling at me in my mind
I feel judged around everyone
I always apologize of why I do this or do that
I trip over my words as if I was speaking while crying (you know that stuttery feeling, I guess)
I can’t stand up for myself
I’m always dragged around by everyone
Trying to live up to my mom expectations
I try not talk to avoid people talking back to me (cause I’m scared they’ll judge how I talk

*But Parents Down Understand Sometimes, The Reason I Cant Be More Like Him Or As Smart As Her*
*Is Because I’m NOT Her I’m Myself I Do Things Differently Just Like Everyone*
*I Have My UPS and My DOWNS My Rights and my Wrongs I Can’t Do Everything She Wants Me To Do*
*Im Sick Of Constantly Being Scared So From Now On I’ll Try And Figure Out A Way To Control My Tears, and Control My Fears*
*Usually I’d Feel Uncomfortable Writing even a Public YouTuber comment But Now I Don’t Care If People Judge me On my spelling my grammar and my point of view cause we are all different in our own special way*

[Gamingwithunc]

When you are yelling at your children they see a deformed face. Therefore, you become the monster, and they become afraid. #relationshipstuff101

[Stef-A]

I got yelled at when I was a kid, and it's horrible. It's like a huge stab on my heart, only 100 times worse...Now I don't get yelled at as much as then, but it's still hurtful...

[LuvvValkyrie]

Throughout my life was all just yelling.. My mom and dad always yell when so thing they want is not going the way they want it to. This later led me into depression, I wished I was dead, I always locked my self in my room, and I would cry every night. I tried talking to someone but nothing helped. My parents are trying to erase the past like nothing ever happend, because my father was always yelling. I wish I could tell them how I feel, but I'm scared how they would react to me talking to a person about what happened... I still question this to myself... "Why do they want me here if all they ever do is yell at me and my siblings.. I'm better of dead than alive." I still wonder how I'm going to confront my parents about this... I still cry.. I feel like I'm alone all isolated in a box..trying to escape the darkness... But in reality I smile.. I his the fact that I cry.. What will I ever do to tell my parents about this...?

[driihernandez]

Just had a screaming match with my 9 year old this morning and I knew it was bad came here to realize that it’s not ok 💪🏻

[broomgimfuntimehi]

I got yelled at today😢😢 I wish this world be nice agin

[JacksonLillard]

Children, when your parents yell at you like this:
It’s a sign that they “don’t” love you.
So “never, NEVER” forgive your parents for yelling. They’re liars!😡😤

[sophiehusband]

my mum shouts at me i shout at her and now im angry the family doesnt help all you hear is shouting from all of us

[CoffinSkate]

My grandmother would yell at me for even small mistakes... and now it's affecting me as if I have PTSD.

[giarcnella]

The way we react to a child’s behavior says a lot about who we are as adults. A child is a tiny, defense and very impressionable being. When they piss us off, we have the option to react violently because they are defenseless. If they were another adult we would be much more measured in our reaction. If your first impulse is to go straight to yelling and violence, you are no more in control than the child.

[gracibash]

My mom just yelled at me because I moved the coat hangers too far back :/ thanks mom

[shannonm]

I just wish instead of telling us what not to do we could get some solid examples of what to do in different scenarios.

I know yelling isn’t good, but when my three year old screams cause he thinks it’s funny for the tenth time in a row of me politely asking him, getting down at his eye level and explaining why it’s not okay, and he agrees then immediately does it again…it’s kind of hard not to lose it. And when I yell the behavior actually stops.


I don’t want to yell but I want parenting advice that actually works. Especially as a single, full time working mom with very little time outside of work with my kid that isn’t spent cleaning, cooking or doing errands.

It absolutely sucks and I’m burnt out and never, never never have anyone pouring into my cup. I know what a huge difference it makes and I see my bond with kid being eroded because all that’s ever happening is he’s getting yelled at.

[chiemcdonald]

Tbh, it’s not fair because your kids are never allowed to feel emotions except "happy" :/

[chickennugget]

I got yelled at today... I tell my parents I’m sensitive and emotional to even the smallest things and they don’t believe me








So right now I’m crying a pool of tears and I can’t control it