Pretty Privilege Post Weight Loss and Normalised Fatphobia

There's a lot in this one, because I'm clearly not the best at making videos without any notes, but this felt like one that just needed to be true thought without the polishing, so that's what I went with!

[thewhalecompany]

I had a very paradoxical experience with losing weight. I was feeling very good about myself during the 6 years I was skinny but was under stress because of the looks (mostly of strange men) and interactions with people.

I hate it when people give me too much attention as I don't know how to react and have also often misinterpreted their motivations. The worst example was getting stalked by a middle-aged guy for a couple of those years (I interacted with him for the first couple of times, revealing too much of my personal information, because I did not notice his intentions were off).

I gained some of the weight back and I'm honestly mostly very happy to be left alone by strangers when they pass me on the streets and feel safe and in control of my personal space. But I do notice it's harder to make new acquaintances. And yes, people are less nice.

[madeleineclark]

I know exactly what you're talking about. This one man went from avoiding eye contact with me to following me around after I lost like 15 pounds

[samuelbee]

I guess I always had pretty/thin privilege but I noticed the same thing when a classmate of mine got significantly thinner over the summer break - before she was called a whale and people really weren't nice to her, and after the same people suddenly wanted to be friends with her and congratulated her for loosing weight and respected her

[dlesliejones]

What your commentary reminds me of is how we have become so focused on appearance and so socially divisive. As if a quick glance is a fair assessment of anyone's value or humanity. It isn't, it's just a lazy way to categorize people on the most superficial basis. And then the same goes for whether someone has a "right" to advocate or comment on a cause or group. Your opinion is based on lived experience, and is a valid and valuable perspective that adds to the conversation of body positivity, autism, sexuality and identity and whatever you choose to speak about, based on sapiential authority. I'd go further and say that even cisgender white males can have a worthy contribution to issues of patriarchy, racism and feminism. The qualification for commentary on any given group shouldn't be confined solely to those who most easily are identified as part of that group. Otherwise the conversation becomes inherently exclusionary. Isn't social awareness and progress about inclusion, and weighing any given viewpoint on it's merits? Instead of a kneejerk reaction to silence someone before you understand what they are trying to say, or offering them an opportunity to be heard. (Which, as an autistic person can be rather upsetting.) Anyway, that's what your talk brought up for me. That proper consideration should be given... and that takes longer than a swipe left or right.

[shearerslegs]

I’m obese and I have to take antipsychotic meds for my anxiety, it’s far from ideal but I have to balance a longer life while thinner with a quality of life with my anxiety under some kind of control. I am working with my therapist who is confident that he can help me overcome my anxiety about leaving my flat alone so I’m going to be able to exercise easier and he thinks he’s going to be able to help me make better decisions about food rather than eating crap which is what I do through my depression although apparently if I can make the leap to eating better it might well help my depression and if anyone doesn’t know antipsychotic meds make you hungry a lot. I’m just outlining my situation so you know where I am coming from.
I’m not a fan of the body positivity movement. I don’t want people to be unhappy but neither do I want kids to die before their parents because they weren’t taught healthy eating. My nephew is a younger model of my Dad, it’s weird to see him sometimes, I love him deeply and would do anything for him, the problem is that my Dad’s dead, his heart just stopped suddenly and he didn’t live to retirement age and do all the things he had planned with my Mam. I want my nephew to be a confident and happy young man but not an unhealthy one. Don’t get me wrong being nasty to someone who is obese is unkind and unnecessary because I honestly think that only positive support is likely to be effective in helping people change their lives. My sister has offered to purchase an Apple Watch for my nephew if he walks around instead of asking for lifts and so far the exercise combined with him growing taller is helping him get thinner. In addition he’s learning to cook at school which I think will help him cook healthier meals and he’s loving cooking. I’m hopeful that my nephew will be a healthier adult but I worry that there may already damage to his body in terms of type 2 diabetes and heart disease which can’t be reversed. I think you can be happy while being overweight but I don’t think you can be healthy long term if you carry around a load of fat. So that’s why I’m not sure body positivity is helpful, I think people need honesty just in a kind way and that is the more obese you are and the longer you are obese the more it’s going to be harmful to you even if you are not immediately aware of it.
Dana I am sorry you have had a terrible year but I am glad you were able to get healthier. I would personally avoid people that only like you thin but I know it’s not possible at work. You are a beautiful young woman however so you are not going to be able to avoid this pretty privilege.
By the way I know I might be completely wrong in my understanding of the body positivity movement and all ignorance is completely my own.

[oliviajayward]

one thing I’ve realised is how men always sexualise fat women but never want to get in a relationship

[sarahstudies]

I hate when people notice I've lost weight because I take it as them saying that I looked really bad before. I put on weight during the pandemic due to the routine I build of going to the shop everyother day for chocolate because that was the only place I was allowed to go and I had to give up going to the woods so I switched my routine around and now I am struggling to lose it.

[oliviajayward]

This video is so relatable, especially how I’ve lost weight too

[soghoshful]

I've gained and lost weight _many_ times over the past decades, and have noticed how **unbelievably** differently I'm treated when I'm fat vs when I'm thin. When I'm fat, people either ignore me (while making plans with each other to do something fun *right in front of me*, never inviting me, and not even caring how cruel they're being), or are _actively, purposely_ unkind or even cruel, defending the way they treat me (to each other) by saying negative things about my _personality_ (presumably because - in the particular groups of people I tend to be around - it would be considered a very bad thing to dislike a person because of how they look). And then when I'm very slim, *those same people*, every time I've lost weight, start inviting me to things, seem to genuinely like me, invite me to parties, etc.. And they're so very _nice_, and just seem like _wonderful people_. But they're not.

Annoyingly, people think I'm **SO** intelligent when I'm slim, but when I'm fat, they think I'm pretty stupid. It's, I mean, it's _unbelievable_.

The first time I got slim after the first time I got fat, I tried to figure out how to differentiate the people who were now nice to me who weren't when I was fat, so that in the future, when new people I met were nice to me, I could avoid being friends with the type of people who would be mean to me if I were fat. (I fully didn't expect to get fat again, but I just didn't want to be friends with people who were actually shitty people.) And at one point, I thought I _had_ figured it out. But then when I got fat again, I saw that I was totally wrong about who would have stayed just as nice to me. Almost none of them were still nice to me!

This has happened a number of times now, and I've realized that I'll never be able to tell, when I'm slim, who among those people are mean to fat people.

There was one time when I was fat and actually made some friends, but I had an unbelievably handsome partner at the time (who I got together with when I had been slim), and I fear that some of those friends would not have become friends with me were it not for the fact that I came with my partner.

This shit really makes me hate people, honestly.

The only bad thing about being slim (aside from not being able to figure out who among people who seem genuinely nice are actually shitty), is that every time I've been slim - perhaps because I'm such a friendly/nice person - a lot of creepy guys wouldn't leave me alone. When I'm fat, I never have to worry about creeps. So, that part's great when I'm fat.

[pastelpepe]

10:00 was that a U.S. American accent?

[kinashy]

I see body positivity as loving your body regardless of how it looks but also trying to take care of it because you love it, not hate it. If you're loosing weight because you hate your body you won't automatically loose this hate too. Loosing hate and starting to love takes effort and you can start before you loose weight

[johnbillings]

I was overweight for most of my life. I realize now it was mostly due to poor interoception mixed with coping. Now I'm on the opposite end and struggle to remember to eat to maintain weight. Either end isn't that great for comments.

[EnnuiForMe]

ik this comment kinda misses the whole point of the video lol, but you genuinely are very very pretty 🥰

[tyreekmurillo]

it sounds like you’re dwelling too much on the past. why are you busy worrying about whether people now would accept you back when you were fat or not? as an ex fat person myself i try to just live in the here and now and be thankful for what i’ve been able to accomplish and the people that i have in my life now. i feel like by asking those what if questions you’re still clinging on to your old self instead of putting it in the rear view mirror and stepping into the life you want.