How Long Should You Date An Avoidant?

If you want to learn to build a fulfilling lifelong relationship with the man you love and help him understand and cherish you in return, pick up your copy right now.

Are you wondering how long to invest in a relationship with an avoidant partner? In this video, The Attachment Specialist, Adam Lane Smith addresses this pressing question. With a master's degree in Psychology and extensive experience as a licensed marriage and family therapist, Adam offers clear guidance on when to cut and run or when to invest in a relationship with an avoidant partner.

Discover the signs that indicate whether your avoidant partner is trying to work with you or against you. Adam discusses the avoidant attachment style, its origins, and how it impacts relationships. He provides practical advice on assessing your partner's willingness to change, their awareness of their attachment style, and whether they are actively seeking help.

Adam also highlights the importance of understanding your own needs and whether an avoidant partner can realistically meet them in the long term. Learn about the signs that it's time to re-evaluate your relationship and the signs of hope that indicate your relationship might be worth investing in.

For those looking to build a fulfilling relationship with an avoidant partner, Adam recommends the "How to Love an Avoidant Man" video course. Use code YOUTUBE25 for a 25% discount.

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Chapters:
00:00:00 - How long should you date an avoidant person?
00:01:40 - Understanding Avoidant Attachment Style
00:03:24 - Dealing with an Avoidant Partner
00:05:10 - Understanding Your Partner's Attachment Style
00:06:48 - Self-Discovery and Relationships
00:08:25 - Signs to re-evaluate your relationship
00:10:01 - Signs of Hope in Relationships
00:11:38 - A Sign of Hope for Building a Fulfilling Relationship
00:13:16 - A Course to Understand Avoidant Relationships

[marybuddendeck]

My avoidant broke up with me over the phone last night after 14 months together. I’m broken hearted. Said I love too much and too deeply.
Best compliment I ever got!
Who wouldn’t want that kind of love?
So I understand it’s not me.
No more avoidants- not worth all the wasted time when I have so much to give! 😊

[dvegas]

So clear! 💙 If someone isn't willing to work with you, it's time to walk away! Stop wasting precious time. Improve yourself and find a better match. ✨️

[raygodmanMX]

Only long enough to find out what they are.
You deserve to have feelings reciprocated, they are incapable.

[creatureofstyle]

9 weeks for me. He was hot and cold, constantly changing his mind, overthinking everything and then applying assumptions to me that weren't accurate, would tell me we were on the same page then ignore what we talked about and do the opposite, ignored some simple boundaries I told him were important to me, was negging me, it felt like he looked down on me, he wasn't there for me when all I needed was a hug, etc.... He wouldn't even kiss me right when he saw me after we hadn't seen each other for a week

He also acted like I was super needy when I'm actually secure leaning avoidant lol. I've never experienced a relationship like that and we had been friends for 4 years before we dated so it shouldn't have been so freaking hard. I got tired of it feeling so one sided. We should have been in the fun cute early stages of romance but it was really not fun at all

All those things he listed at the end (where he says it's getting worse and worse) were already present even that early in the relationship. Don't ignore the red flags people. Look out for yourselves!

[jurgenwehner]

7 years next Sunday. 70 discards 70 reunions

[janelleallbritton]

Once I learned what avoidant attachment is, I told my then-current love interest that we would be no contact unless he decided to go to a coach/therapist to address the issue, and I was willing to join him in individual and joint sessions as a couple. Until he decided that path, it is no contact. (I set this boundary a few months after we met, so I count myself fortunate to catch this relatively early on.)

I told him that to the best of my knowledge, ability and discernment, he would be my last avoidant.

To answer your question: excepting him, (if I am still available), I would not ever be with someone I know is avoidant.
My time and energy are too precious to me.

[feliciareichbart]

its really awful ..its not worth it. today if somebody dismisses me, im not interested. its not attractive anymore, its not mysterious. i need a sympathetic and affectionate man...i dont need to always be wondering. its not healthy. woman need guys to take charge and be there for them . <3

[VinitaGupta-bmng]

Everything you talked about in this video is so true. 2 years of time and effort feels like such a waste, I feel so drained to do even daily chores. Hoping that I heal soon that's why I'm trying to understand what happened and why it happened, because I got no closure just ghosting, just because I asked to meet. Thank you for your clear message, just in time ❤.

[ivonesilva]

One year max. Third type. Shutdowns. Lack of empathy. Inconsistent. Every decision had to come from him. Couldnt suggest or ask for time or talk about feelings. Was totally clear. But he said it was all my fault that he didnt bond with me because I was too critical, negative and on a ego trip. Never again. Exactly. Talked down. 19 months.

[aprillove]

Hi Adam,

I just wanted to take a moment to express my gratitude for your content. If it weren’t for your videos, I would have had no idea that my partner was a dismissive avoidant. Understanding this has been a game changer for me, especially as we’ve broken up and are currently in no contact.

Your insights have helped me see things more clearly and equipped me with the tools to cope. While I don’t think I could go back to that relationship, the learning process from your channel has been exceptional. Thank you for sharing your knowledge and helping so many of us navigate these complex dynamics!

Keep up the amazing work!

[bmatthews]

Thank you, thank you. This is honestly the best and most helpful information I have seen yet on the internet regarding extreme avoidant personalities. You nailed it. I feel so many people including myself have been stuck in the dynamic of them leaving because of the slightest bit of conflict and then they return and then the cycle begins . Then years later you feel like you have wasted so much time. You are correct most of them are as kind as they can be and that is what keeps a person hooked. Anyway thanks for the offer that’s extremely thoughtful for trying to help out. Thanks again 😀

[cindyvandermerwe]

I do believe Im have anxious attachment, and my ex partner is an avoidant (I was convinced he is a Narcissist), I think both our needs were triggering the other BADLY. Man it got so toxic.

[Jackietreehorn-ze]

She said I "scared her." I told her "no, you scare yourself." They make shit up. They self sabotage.

[nannyboo]

It’s such a contradiction and a challenge. My partner is an avoidant and we have such an amazing time together where he opens up to me and then just as quick, he goes into that independent mode and almost goes cold. :/

[dant]

Ethical avoidant, great term. To maintain morals, values and ethics then, as an avoidant person, telling the truth but not understanding real intimacy as fear overwhelms to ANS.

[alishad]

This is my first time going no contact since 2019! I was too patient. I will never do that again. He watched me go from a toddler teacher, to now being a psychotherapist. I’ve changed as he has remained the same, and I just can’t! It’s not for me.

[JenGrice]

Thank you for this!!! Perfect timing… as I consider walking away after 11 months. 😢

[eneri]

can you make a video about:

(1) toxic relationships = not boring/ more passionate for avoidants
(2) rebound relationships of avoidants or falling inlove quickly with a new person after breakups

[fabiog]

People who suffer from avoidant attchment should tell to the people who start dating. And give them the right to choose.

[xuemma-pbys]

my ex was not searching for help ..he believe therapist is useless, i shown him a video about the healthy way to communicate in our case .. he disagreed, he said he did not believe his behavior was problem, but i was problem ..he was convinced by this ..it is always someone else’s fault
so i knew he was helpless ..
so i left for good