coldrain - Coexist

From there album - The Side Effects (2019)

[koichich]

New day, same love. This is honestly quite therapeutic if I can be honest. I love Luca so much, therefore I must respect him and his personal space and how comfortable he is with everything. I love him so much <3

[koichich]

Well I spent the entire day practicing something and stayed up until 4 am doing that, and also continuing it after I woke up 4 hours later and still going at it right now. Wow this is taking a lot of mental energy out of me.

[koichich]

Not sure if I missed a day anymore because yesterday was super busy, but I have been working out consistently for 3 days straight and it feels very good actually. (It doesn't honestly, but as a great man once said ''Do what you hate but do it like you love it''). Still in love, that won't go away, don't want it to go away either. Actually enjoying life is an amazing feeling.

[koichich]

I am in fucking LOVE with Luca and I cannot express that enough, I absolutely love everything about him. No matter what happens, no matter how many years pass, no matter the state of the world, no matter if the sky is falling and the seas are drying up, no matter if the world was burning I will never be able to supress or lower these feelings. I love Luca.

[koichich]

Day in and day out it does really feel like I am more at peace with myself, my feelings for Luca are as strong as ever tho. I am just taking time to help myself and enjoy existing. Much love <3

[koichich]

Everything is going so horribly today that I really can't begin to explain it. I just don't know why I'm doing anything anymore.

[koichich]

Yesterday I got the news that my best friend has had cancer for maybe a whole year, yet he told me about it not once so he wouldn't worry me. I don't know how to feel about it. All I can do is keep up what I have been doing. I finally accepted that Luca doesn't care for me back and now this. Shit is hard but we are gonna make it through. I love Luca

[Jason-os]

Cheer~~~exist at the same time or in the same place.😊

[koichich]

Working out actually does miracles for you, as long as you can keep it up consistently you are going to be alright for the most part. Got to keep your head high and look forwards. I love Luca man. It doesn't hurt anymore tho, but it does sort of make me have this heavy feeling on my chest and heart a lot of the time. I don't paricularly like it honestly but what can I do. Just got to live through it.

[koichich]

I may be in love beyond my ability to understad, but it won't stop me from working on myself. Officially started working out yesterday but I kept it up today so I just have to keep that up now and it'll be good. I am starting to enjoy life for the first time in forever, and while my feelings for Luca should be suffocating me they aren't, I'm a lot stronger than that thankfully <3

[koichich]

Still in love, still struggling, still getting eaten alive but it doesn't feel as soul crushing as before. I guess some sort of switch just flipped in my head that made me realise how, I don't need Luca to be happy, I just need myself first and foremost and then things will happen. And I have to face it, Luca could very well never love me again, even if he does, it could take a long time. But I think that I want to wait to see. At the very least, for myself. I dunno what to even say or think anymore, it's crazy how much this sort of stuff can affect a person honestly. I love Luca.

[koichich]

Still in love with Luca and each day it doesn't change, I do wish he'd love me back even a little bit but what can you do about it. I will just let time do it's thing and be my best self for Luca. Damn I am absolutely lovestruck aren't i.

[koichich]

Just working out day to day, going for short 6 AM jogging sessions and enjoying being in my presence. Doing absolutely better than ever. Still in love with Luca, not even a slightest change there. I love myself more now though.

[koichich]

Got to keep your chin up and head high. No matter how shit it gets never stop moving forward no matter how much it hurts. Fuck I love Luca

[xXMartineitorXxI]

Wait, why there are no coments here? 💀💀💀

[koichich]

It's funny how, all this work and mental strength can just crumble so fucking fast simply because I talked to Luca once. It really is crushing like nothing else, I am having fun talking with him and then we are done talking or it slows down and something in my just starts dying and I begin to choke and I can't breathe propperly and my head is so cloudy. I know I am in love because I want to just talk to Luca but it also feels selfish and wrong. FUCK I LOVE LUCA BUT WHY IS IT LIKE THIS. I am trying my fucking best man. Please just make it stop. I want Luca to love me back so much.

[koichich]

Life really does make you wonder why this and why that doesn't it?

[koichich]

Wow, today has been a shitshow like none other. Honestly it's just kind of overwhelming having to deal with so many things at once while constantly having Luca in my mind. Is it selfish of me to want him to love me back? Probably, but I can't help myself with thinking about that no matter how far in the future it may be. I kinda hate myself for that.

[koichich]

Well I am doing much better now, it is all in my head and I did this all to myself after all. I went running today at 6 and there was a whole ass thunderstorm. Builds character or something? I do fucking love Luca tho. But I am not allowed to say that anywhere else unfortunately.