Tips for AuDHDers: how to manage your autism & ADHD

Do you struggle to balance the needs of your autism and ADHD? You're not the only one! Here are a few things I've learned over the last few years about how to cope as an "AuDHDer"

LINKS 🔗

TIMESTAMPS ⏱️
00:00 Intro
01:34 TIP 1: Appease both sides
02:44 Autistic burnout versus ADHD "bore-out"
09:41 TIP 2: Find ways to be supported by others
12:38 Brief self-promo
13:08 TIP 3: Plan plan plan
14:09 Sunday Reset Routine
16:51 TIP 4: Cultivate self-compassion

[rachelpepper]

That made me laugh out loud: “Yes, I do plan my spontaneity!” ADHD and ASD explained in one sentence.

[mstewie]

As a fellow being that has fallen in this range of the spectrum, it's been a relief finding so many people across the world that have had these shared experiences. Suspected for "both" in 2009 diagnosed ADHD then, ASD last year, but lacked the self awareness and knowledge of the conditions other than the stereotypes. So much time lost, autistic burnouts, wasted potential. Truly helps having these communities and stories and discussions shared.

[darksmiley]

Multiple things to say here:
1. YES, I went through autistic burnout and bore-out at the same time. It was horrible. All of my hobbies and things I loved were too much stimulation or I couldn't plan them in because my routine was severely disrupted, and I was so easily overstimulated that I could barely listen to music. But I was so understimulated that I couldn't start anything or do anything at all. I was sitting in my chair all day and just... existing. It was a special kind of hell. It happened to me right after I graduated, because suddenly, my routine was gone, and I had too much free time to spend, and it made me so overwhelmed, and the sensory issues kept me from getting stimulated enough to actually do something or plan something.
2. I think one of the hardest things is to manage the autistic side of me when I am medicated for my ADHD. I may have to go on a different kind of medication again to deal with this. I am taking Ritalin, and while it works for my ADHD quite well, helps me do things, even though I mostly hyperfixate, I am actually able to just get up and do things (crazy, right?). But... when the meds wear off, I get hit with such intense hypersensitivity that any noise, bright lights, whatever, becomes unbearable. I started having more meltdowns after starting my meds again just for this reason alone. It takes me HOURS to recover after my meds wear off. If you have any experience with this and/or coping strategies, feel free to share!
3. I feel very much as if sometimes, my autistic needs and my ADHD needs are like opposite sides of a magnet, and I either get pulled by one or the other. I very much need routines, but I also need spontaneity and novelty. I would love to see people and have fun, but the anxiety of being around others is draining. Once I tried to sew, and it was boring, so I was like "I will do a number of these parts, then take a break" but my autistic side was like "Well, every part has to have the same amount of steps, it has to be the same, but you can't divide them equally, so no" and to this day I have not continued with the project.
4. I feel as if a lot of us have internalized shame when it comes to asking for help with certain things. I feel as if I am not allowed to ask my mum to help me clean my room, because "I should be able to do it on my own" even though apparently I am very much not able to. It makes me scared to move out and live on my own, but also... I can't deal with having people living with me since I need alone time so much. It's tough to find someone to help because I do most things the same way, and if someone cleans my room differently, I kinda freak out inside of my mind.

I feel as if to manage both autism and ADHD, one has to learn to walk a very fine line between "risking bore-out" and "risking autistic burnout". It is really exhausting because both ADHD and autism are spectrums, bot having BOTH means you gotta accomodate a whole new kind of traits that emerge. It's really difficult

[oflittleconsequence]

Burn-out and bore-out at the same time? In my twenties I snuck out the back door in the middle of a hectic shift at work, drove home, and didn't get out of bed for a week. I had always referred to it as my "mini nervous breakdown" because I had no idea what the hell it was. For the first time, 30 years later, it makes sense. Thank you for that. Sincerely. I'm tearing-up as I type this. Thank you.

[coloneldracula]

Oof that "I forget to listen to music, but it actually really helps" hit really hard! I feel constatly like I forget how much I like to listen to music?? As if music (as a concept) just vanishes for me every now and then. I guess the plus side is "re-discovering" old songs I loved? Lol. Definitely think I'm AuDHD, the days of "Au: feeling so overwhelmed I can't move or think clearly" Vs "ADHD: body feel of f--king DO SOMETHING!" are just the worst, still figuring out how to manage it tbh. But thank you so much for you channel, the mix of "oh this is very helpful" and "wow other people feel this, too?" is amazing, thank you!! <3

[MrGbkristian]

I struggle with Time so much. I have realised that if I am in a room or out where there ar eno physical prompts around time, I have no clue how much time has passed. This leads to people noticing I take ages to do things such as going I to the bathroom etc. I seem to rely on remembering how long a certain journey takes, such as it takes twenty minutes to drive to work from my house, but then this does not allow any time for getting ready or anything like traffic or getting fuel etc. So I have always been either last minute or late my whole life for anything.

[PeterDragonPPG]

Appropriate rest/space/quiet/routine is so incredibly important but unfortunately way too many people think it means I am lazy/worse as I just do not want/need/fit into the endless ridiculousness of this world. Took me a long time to find the balance I need with part time work, but it just makes people jealous instead of them realizing the ridiculousness they are part of/tolerating because it's "normal"

[eleanormarshall]

I find that burnout and boreout happen simultaneously a lot of the time for me because when I'm burnt out I feel unable to exercise, go out, meet friends and keep up with the things that I need to keep me stimulated.

[Bethany.Loveday]

It’s because of your previous video on AuDHD that I went and got diagnosed for both. I knew about ADHD and was self diagnosed, but didn’t feel confident to get a formal diagnosis because it didn’t paint the whole picture for me and so I doubt my self diagnosis was completely correct. Until I watched your video, then boom! The whole picture was painted and I booked in right after watching the video lol 😆 I now have a formal diagnosis for AuDHD, so from the bottom of my heart, thank you 💕

[kelsey]

An important way I’ve been able to show kindness to myself is taking 5 minutes when I get home from work to figure out what my body needs. I usually find it easiest for me to do in a low sensory environment (aka my closet with the lights off and no sound) I calm down a bit then I’m able to read the cues I missed like I haven’t had any water all day or my feet are freezing I need socks etc. I get my body what it needs before I go about the rest of my day and it’s been going a lot smoother

[autism_and_niamh]

YES to listening to music or podcasts while doing boring things! Literally the only way I can finish household tasks 😅

Something I really struggle with as an auDHDer is the "all or nothing" mindset! So I'll make a list of tasks, but once I start (which can take forever to begin with) I get this manic "I can do ALL the things!" impulse. Then I end up burning myself out after completing about 3/4 of the tasks. But I still feel satisfaction that I completed some things... it's a constant game my brain plays with itself! 😆

I don't think I'll be able to stick to only 10 minutes of doing a task, but I'm going to download your checklist (thank you for making that btw!!) because we all have to start somewhere 😊

[kracklinkamphyre]

I find working the overlaps helps appease both. Binging special interests helps both. Stimming to music helps both. Intense flavours help both. Getting enough sleep...you get the idea. ADHD meds help me focus on my ASD needs - wearing earplugs, slowing down and focusing and not being as sensory seeking (moving slower and doing things methodically), getting my house in order, that kind of thing.

[whizzywoo]

I didn't realise how self critical I was until I was reading a book trying to learning mindfulness (mindfulness, a practical guide to finding peace in a frantic world), and for the first time I realised there was a non-stop critical voice running through my head telling me all sorts of awful things about what I wazzock I was. I've still not quite achieved the ability to quiet my thoughts, but my son made me laugh the other day, he said 'each time that voice appears, remember it's your mother and nobody cares what she thinks'. I'll be 56 this year, only realised I might be autistic just before lockdown, and only realised I'm probably adhd as well when it was mentioned in a work OH appointment. Still waiting for an official diagnosis but the truth of the conflict is something my whole life has been about. Have been concentrating on appeasing the autistic side, but definitely need to pay attention to both, in a controlled manner.

[BriannadaSilva]

I've DEFINITELY had burnout and boreout at the same time. I didn't realize this wasn't a universal experience until I mentioned it to a brother once; "You know when you're really tired and really energized at the same time? That's how I am right now." And he was just like... 🤨 "wut?"

[katesemple]

I started exercising to help with depression, which may have actually been autistic burnout caused by moving 1400km to a new province. I find it helps the adhd a bit and definitely helped my mood so it had to continue.The autistic side now insists that the exercise must happen at a specific time of day and I get stressed out when I can't, unless I've had advance warning to make a new plan. It's seeing things like this that make me really understand how these 2 seemingly opposite conditions coexist.

[lemmetalkaboutthis]

"It's not gonna go away, that's just how your brain works" that's the hardest part to get my family to understand - and to accept for yourself
I can MANAGE my adhd and stuff, but just because I was better at acting more normal for them they thought it was equal to my adhd not being present, or that the meds help suppress the adhd, instead of what they're actually doing: helping me manage it.
This is never gonna go away, and I'm not sad about that, even though, yes, it frustrates me often that this is how I am - but I also wouldn't be me without it.
That's the hardest part for other people to understand, that it's ALWAYS there, not just in certain situations, and that you can't "get over it" because it affects every part of your life, every day, every moment.
I'm so lucky and grateful that I found friends who, even though they don't understand a lot of the things I do, still just roll with it and go along and respect it when I say I can't do certain things with them, or are willing to change plans to something I'm okay to do so we can still hang out

Also, tho, "planned spontaneity" - yes, yes, absolutely - I pick times (sometimes a full day, but mostly a couple hours every day) where I know I can "go off the grid" without consequences and just kinda let my brain off the leash and follow every whim, impulse, or idea - it's incredibly stress-relieving

[hannah]

I find the "bore out" and "burn out" thing happens to me after something mega, like not having a break from the kids all weekend or missing out on my Monday zone out day. It's like a feeling of extreme irritability and depression and guilt at the same time. It's awful. I find I can mostly get rid of it by putting on a TV show that is fairly mindless but has enough going on that I stay entertained (usually drag race) AND playing a fairly chill game alongside it, like a city builder. Neither requires much thought but does require some thought that my autism and ADHD are entertained. Autism is happy with the city builder, ADHD is happy with the city builder and the wonderful entertainment provided by drag race.

ALSO! I have recently bought Sam's workbook and it's brilliant. Can't recommend it enough!

[RisaPlays]

Combination burned out and bored out makes so much sense to my brain. The desire to do ALL the things mixed with significant overwhelm at the smallest tasks.

[MammaApa]

I am fantastically great at writing to do lists which I never do any of the things on. At this point I could probably classify them as fiction.

[mrt_]

11:00 I have noticed that with work.
if I am there alone, I am not very productive, but if there is someone else there I am more productive.