THE MYTH OF WORK/LIFE BALANCE: Self-care is not enough

Time Stamps:
0:00 Intro
0:37 When people tell you to just “reduce stress”
2:24 The modern-day work schedule does not allow time for self-care
4:49 A 40-hour work week only works if your career is your biggest passion ever
6:49 Should you put in more or less effort if you’re not happy at work?
10:20 Work to live vs. live to work?
11:30 I feel powerless. Now what?

Intro music: Church of 8 Wheels by Otis McDonald

[MajasticFantastic]

These are the only sane words I have heard on stress and self-care in a while. I used to be big on self-care, journaling, meditation, healthy eating, etc. up untill a year ago when I got my degree and joined the work force. Now I work 8-4 and suddenly I don't have time .
I work an administratve position in a big office and while I like the job I am basically doing 3 people's jobs. I leave already exhausted at 4PM, 1 hour long commute, go get groceries and some other errands, come home at 5-6, make dinner, eat, shower, do dishes, laundry, try to keep my place somewhat clean, and then it's 10PM and I have to wake up at 6AM. So if I want 8 hours of sleep I have to go to sleep NOW (also too exhausted to do anything else). Now repeat.
How do most people function like this? How do people have hobbies and go to the gym??

[nannuky]

as someone who joined workforce just a few months ago at a whopping age of 25, almost 26 (yes, I was postponing it as much as I could by prolonging my studies), I have been feeling quite jaded about this whole adult life. Work is suddenly my priority, I can't just skip it like I could skip classes at uni, and it restricts me time-wise in quite a painful way, be it seeing my friends or seeing a doctor, and don't even get me started on my hobbies and just... living my life. I really hope I get to see a 4-day work-week becoming the norm - here in Europe it's being brought up more and more often in various settings.

[valnsky]

Being adult is terrible. I am an accountant also a perfectionist and absolutely unable to relax. 5 days a week I wake up at 6, arrive at work at 7:30, work throughout my lunch, leave work at 4, go home, rush to go for a run before it gets dark, then rush to cook food for my family, clean up, talk to family abroad, laundry, prep lunch for the next day and it is 10 pm and I feel dead. Lay in bed stressing about inflation, family, health and have a rubbish sleep. Then it starts again the next day. At the same time I can’t afford to take time away from basically life, which is what I need. How do you break the circle?

[PaperParade]

I have not found something I resonate with more than this. I’ve been exhausted for years, and sick, and trying to figure out how to heal and I can’t. The stress and trauma never stops.

[squidwardtentacles]

I’ve always wondered how people have the energy to even live their lives working 9-5s. I’m exhausted by the time I get home and it feels as though I don’t have time to do anything else.

[IshtarNike]

My main problem with this type of advice is that usually the whole issue is that people don't have the ability to reduce their stress. It's not like life is an RPG and you can choose your occupation and stress levels. You end up in a situation and it usually takes months or years to properly get out of it. You can't just reduce your stress by willing it be so.

[gabrielguyenot]

Very refreshing to hear. The 8+ hours work day (including the commute) is not optimal for our bodies. Yet we are gaslight into sinking our most precious time and energy toward someone else's project.

It is ironic that in an age where food has been the most abundant it has ever been, where shelter can be constructed faster than ever, people are working longer hours than actually needed. All in the pursuit of profit and speed.

Capitalism is not bad, but greed 100% is. We live in a culture that would rather waste mountains of food if it can't get someone to buy it, and where shelter is made poorly, but treated as an appreciating stock supported by renters who will lag behind in life and never own anything. There must be a way where people can still work, offer services and contribute, but without destroying their bodies and minds on the way.

[MsMizz]

Working to live really is inhumane. The concept of “making a living” is nonsensical. It’s soul crushing and harmful to society to continue operating within these systems. Agreed it is rooted in the exploitation of power.

[admirbarucija]

I feel really stuck when it comes to work. On the one hand, several of the people who work with me are my best friends, but on the other I hardly have time for hobbies or doing stuff I enjoy these days

[tworune]

This is why I switched my Uni degree while I still could, and I'm so grateful. I went into Computer Science initially because that's what I thought was "right". I hated nearly every moment of those two years, to the point of breaking down in the middle of the exam room. I finally made the decision to switch into something I've always been passionate about at the start of last year, and it's been one of the best decisions I've ever made. I'm actually excited to go into classes, actually making friends.. plus the retail job that I maintain casually really encourages me to try and get into my field of interest long-term. I'm sure there will be downsides at times to making a career out of my passion, but I believe it'd be so much better than slaving yourself away at something that leaves you empty.

[PebblesMintstone]

Agreed about the comment on how it's not just capitalism, but power itself. Those in power tend to exploit others below them on the power structure - meanwhile pushing the notion that if you're not giving 110% to your work, then you're just unambitious and expendable. My happiest days were when I was working a part-time job, and was able to spend time drawing or just reading on my off-days. I'd get judged for being "unambitious" for not falling in line with the careerist mentality, but I genuinely felt free and loved my life full of creativity and learning.

[daylynh]

I loved the "rant" style of this video. And you hit the nail on the head, these are all the things I've been feeling as well.

[alinaaubakirova]

Ana, I’ve watched your content ever since the pandemic started and I appreciate it because it feels like a personal therapy session for free. You’re amazing and you’ve helped me in my life so much without even knowing❤️ thank you

[madeleinedacey]

I was thinking something similar about the "loneliness epidemic" the other day. I think that for most people it is not an issue of lacking social skills or the desire to socialize. For most people, it is simply a struggle to schedule time with other people, especially when they are drained from work. People need the time, energy, and "third places" to just hang out (without spending tons of money).

[Grace_Psychology]

I’m someone who had to quit their job because of mental health issues and moved back home with my family. I’m 23 (we are all having a great time since I moved back and I am happy to be making progress with my anxiety. I’m very happy with my life, but I feel like whenever others hear that’s I’m a jobless 23 year old who lives with their parents, they look at me like I’m a loser with a bad life.

[PinkYellowGreen]

I appreciate you posting this video. You have to focus on pleasureable things as you live your life. You will die if you don't find a pleasureable escape from the grind. Ive worked 48-60 hours a week...it took me writing out a schedule and sticking to it in order to enjoy my life. Also, adults can not enjoy life if they have no money or means to make money! So Im glad that you at least have a job AND understand the abuse of POWER in the workplace. It is out of control!

[briannajanae]

My job is an office job that could easily be done from home (and was during COVID), now they have us coming in the office 2x a week for "equity" purposes and I have legit no work life balance. Those days are so rough between work, the commute, and just coming home dead tired. I'm lucky if there's enough time to eat dinner and go to bed, just to do it again. It's lip service when management says "work life balance" to us. They don't care; we're a cog in the machine.

[KiraHelenRose]

I work in a health food store. I’ve been there five years. I’ve put in so much, gone above and beyond, picked up the slack for so many lazy coworkers over the years. I’ve gotten raises for it, but in the end my hours somehow end up going down and so my raises are ineffective. I also sustained a repetitive strain injury from putting in so much physical effort. And when I returned from injury, my hours were once again reduced. My boss has no issue with all of the workload falling on a small handful of us and then hiring filler types for the rest of the schedule. This puts tons of stress on those of us who have always done the work. We pick up the slack and end up overworked. I’ve faced this in every job I’ve had. My work ethic is taken advantage of time and time again. Lately I’ve started doing less because I’m sick of being taken advantage of. But there are times I find myself still having to pick up the slack.
This idea of quiet quitting is sort of problematic in the sense that it tends to mean two very different things. The truest sense of the term is for those tired of overextending themselves for no benefit, and thus they do their exact job description and don’t go above and beyond. The second usage is by those who have always been lazy and refused to even do the minimum of their job description (forcing their coworkers to pick up all the slack), they lean on the idea of “quiet quitting” to justify their laziness and lack of work ethic. I’ve seen these types at every job I’ve had. The ones who stand around chit chatting and doing absolutely no work. Or they constantly don’t show up to work, or they wander off so you have no idea where they’ve gone. Or they are constantly on their phone. Etc. This causes others to have to do both their own job and their coworker’s job at the same time. This isn’t a new thing, it existed before the pandemic. I’ve been seeing and experiencing it for many many years.

[Blue-Spirit]

I used to work at a suicide and crisis line and the turnover rate within 6 months was 90 percent. The company was always spouting this rhetoric about how we are responsible for our own mental health and how this job requires self care. The problem is that they would also use this rhetoric to drum people out one after the other. I was one of the last people to leave in my class and durring my time i saw so many people show up so happy to save lives turn into husks of there former selves just from a month or two of working here. I have so many close relationships that were built and destroyed in this space over this one idea that your ability to self care is the problem. There is not enough self care you can do to have a fulfilling life in a toxic work environment no matter how much you love the work itself.

[oliverrojas]

One night on a lunch break 4 years ago I was listening to public radio and a guest speaker stated that the circumstances lower income people find themseleves under is due to their decisions making. Thanks for bringing up this topic. I have been a full time night custodial worker for 10 years currently making $24.00 hr, a part-time day wharehouse worker for two years currently making $19.00 hr, and re-entered the food delivery contracting market seven months ago to take on less to no hours at my part-time job. At food contracting I currenlty average between $12 to $25 an hour depending on how many trips I make and the timeframe that I work. Today I am on leave from my part-time and unable to do my food contracting because yesterday I bent the front sproket on an e-bike. This morning I am attending to home cleaning, raking leaves, and e-mails.