In Search Of Healthy Masculinity

Songs used are from Housecat:

SOURCES
Frank BW. 1991. Everyday/everynight masculinities: The social construction of masculinity among young men.
SIECCAN Journal 6: 27–37.

^ Serano, Julia. "Whipping Girl: A Transsexual Woman on Sexism and the Scapegoating of Femininity," Seal Press, 2007.

Taylor, Charles, 1931-. The Ethics of Authenticity. Cambridge, Mass. :Harvard University Press, 1991.

Richardson, William J. (1963). Heidegger. Through Phenomenology to Thought. Preface by Martin Heidegger. The Hague: Martinus Nijhoff Publishers. 4th Edition: 2003. New York City: Fordham University Press. p. 37. ISBN 978-0-823-22255-1. ISBN 0-82322255-1.

Ashley, F., & Ells, C. (2018). In favor of covering ethically important cosmetic surgeries: Facial feminization surgery for transgender people. The American Journal of Bioethics, 18(12), 23–25. 10.1080/15265161.2018.1531162 [PubMed] [CrossRef] [Google Scholar] [Ref list]

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Zhuangzi Z. & Watson B. (2003). Zhuangzi : basic writings. Columbia University Press.

Boettcher N, Mitchell J, Lashewicz B, Jones E, Wang J, Gundu S, Marchand A, Michalak E, Lam R. Men's Work-Related Stress and Mental Health: Illustrating the Workings of Masculine Role Norms. Am J Mens Health. 2019 Mar-Apr;13(2):1557988319838416. doi: 10.1177/1557988319838416. PMID: 30880590; PMCID: PMC6438430.

Connell, R. W (1995) Masculinities. Cambridge: Polity Press

Burton Watson (1964), Chuang tzu: Basic Writings, New York: Columbia University Press; 2nd edition (1996); 3rd edition (2003) converted to pinyin.

[samuelbutler]

“If you wish, dress like a man, talk like a man, walk like a man, but stop when it begins to hurt those around you” absolutely droppin bars, man.

[firstclassa]

I was raised a cowboy, and I am a rambler. Been though half the US and several other countries. I am also a cook/chef. I work in hyper masculine and high intensity situations. Recently in leadership positions and something I didn't realize that as a leader in these area is that the hardest part of working with other men and being who I am is that I tend to shake the foundation of what masculinity is. I still wear hats and boots, and look like I'm ready to buck bails at a drop of a hat, but at times will wear make up. I talk openly about struggles that men go through silently and try to create open discourse.

The best piece of advice I ever got was from a lifer who owned the largest cattle operation in my county. He was in his 70s and I was a 7 mixed/black child in an area where there were no other blacks. I asked him why I was made fun of and called the n word so often. And why the other kids thought it was weird that I enjoyed things like flowers and braiding the horse's mains. He told me every cowboy rides his horse, and no one can tell them how else to do it and then laughed. And I've lived with that since.

[jacobjackson]

Wish I could have healthy conversations about masculinity with my friends. Need more people willing to openly talk about this

[dawngeorge]

This is my favourite type of catharsis, gaining the language to describe how you've been living your life

[BeingIntegrated]

I really like the Jungian notion that being a mature / individuated adult means you can move freely between polarities or dialectics as needed. That’s real freedom.

[driveasandwich]

Considering how much femininity is associated with aesthetic, it makes sense that masculinity is mostly confined to it as well.

[ZigTotalWar]

The entire bit on "genuine pretending" reminds me of the portion of the Myth of Sisyphus where Camus discusses actors and their relationship to absurdism. The entire concept of genuine pretending is so novel, I think it's at the top of my research list. Thanks for the headway.

[TheXrythmicXtongue]

This stuff sucks man. As someone who grew up with healthy male figures (father, uncle's, older brothers and cousins) I really can only empathize and sympathize with young men that are missing those vital things.
It's possible to still grow well-rounded without them, but VERY difficult (as I've seen from some friends).
What I can offer is this simple but ageless wisdom; it is NOT ABOUT THE RELATIONSHIPS BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN. Never has been. Learn about THE WORLD. About the human experience as a whole, nature, art, beauty, history, philosophy, and you will undoubtedly find what and/or who you seek. But it will not solve all your problems, or give you all the answers. You still have to live the uncertainty of life just as anyone else.

[galicanthemagus]

The core of my own masculinity is self definition. I am what I am because I want to be that. I wear my hair long, I like cooking, lifting, emotional openness, etc. And no matter what anyone else thinks about these things, the only determination is that I, and I alone, like them. External validation is nice, but reliance on it for a sense of internal completeness is unreliable at best and utterly destructive at worst. For a lot of dudes, this means validation in relationships with women, but it also means from your fellow men (especially in the case of these alpha/beta/ligma frameworks of thought). It doesn't matter if someone thinks you knitting is 'low T' or some shit. Do you enjoy it? Dope; embrace that shit and live your best life, my man. The peace you seek for yourself is strongest when it is self affirming.

Its also to say: this what people talk about when they say focus on yourself if you want a relationship. When you assert yourself and your own interests earnestly and honestly, the confidence and enjoyment that you instill into yourself is infectious to the people around you. And that IS attractive.

[pozsoz]

I grew up in a conservative city that prides itself upon its macho culture. People literally dress in jeans, boots and cowboy hats even if there aren't any farms nearby. "Being a man" is drinking beer, grilling beef, watching sports, being unfaithful to your partner, and not expressing any emotion other than anger or pride. It's a sad but true stereotype. Arts and crafts, cooking, literature, philosophy, psychology and so on are frowned upon. This type of upbringing even affects females; in my city many women act out traits which would be considered to be "toxic masculinity" in other cultures.

Growing up I always loved painting, drawing, reading, dressing "nicely", cooking and making poetry. Because of this, for years people insulted me and implied I wasn't "man enough." Not having a healthy psychological upbringing made me unable to cope with these things and developed into an identity crisis. I never felt attracted to men but I still I questioned if I was gay or if something was wrong with me because I didn't feel as if I fit anywhere. I struggled with this all the way through my 20s, but reading (especially Jung) helped me a lot. Don't we both have a femenine and masculine side, and, what is wrong with being a man who likes supposedly "womanly" things?

I am 34 years old now, I'm a graphic designer, I love art, design, color, literature, cooking and so on. I feel like this is my way of being "a man", or, more accurately, being a person. My girlfriend actually likes these traits and it contributes to us having a healthy relationship. In retrospective I think that identity crisis and suffering was "worth it" because today I feel very comfortable in my own skin. I am a man who likes thinks my society sees as "girly" and I'm OK with it, I even find lots of comedy in being the "odd guy" and not fitting in with the BBQ dads and their mancaves.

If you're a male teen living in a conservative place, and feel like society is dissapointed by you not fitting into the macho mold, don't worry, you can be a man who likes "womanly" things and that doesn't make you any less important, valuable, and more importantly so, it doesn't make you any less of a man. And I think it takes a "man" to acknowledge that.

[mileshton]

It’s fun to watch Sisyphus get better and better at drawing, at first it was non animated stick figures but now, it’s lookin rlly rlly good yk? Amazing video too

[wellbutrinwarlock]

I spent the most formative years of my life in an MMA gym. My instructor/the owner of the gym was one of the kindest, most humble people I’ve ever met. He treated and taught everyone equally, and quickly humbled anyone being misogynistic, homophobic or transphobic(my gym was in a very diverse college town, and welcomed anyone looking to get in shape or learn how to defend themselves.) He never took himself too seriously, despite the fact that he was an absolute (figurative) killer, often making jokes at his own expense just to make someone having a rough time laugh. He always went out of his way to help others, whether it was holding the door for people or helping his students find a place to live.

That’s the masculinity I strive for. It shouldn’t be about being “strong” enough to stand above everyone else, but having the strength to lift up those around you.

[Devils.harp.player]

"Waste no time arguing what a good man should be. Be one" Marcus Aurelius

[jaimesanchez]

I can’t believe you’ve dropped this with such well timing, I’m sure others like myself have been struggling to find a good healthy way to feel reassured in our gender identities, love this video as usual ♥️

[forgottensage-oo]

Being older, your masculinity or lack of it gets pushed off to the side of the public's consciousness (they don't care). If I were to have a conversation with myself at this age, it'd go something like this, "Am I masculine? Well ... do I feel like a man? Yes. Okay, good enough."

[arthurpenndragon]

I often lose sleep annoyed with the incels and the like, and you have put to words my frustration with the lack of good male role models online better than I ever could. You have a very (politically) diverse audience so this material is going to instill quite a bit of thought across the board.
Thanks for your positive presence in the online philosophy space. Please never change, and keep up the good work.

[marklegend]

I grew up where being a man was built on being strong enough to protect those you cared about and to not give up when the chips were down. When I saw my dad act like that I'd hope that one day I'd be him. A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do right

[VullVull]

I'm a man who's always felt my gender was at best a detail of my full self. Gender becomes confusing when people take observations of common traits in a gender and try to either coerce people to adopt those traits or forbid the other gender from having those traits.

[horrido]

I often get caught up in the feeling of needing to cultivate certain skills or traits so that I may be deemed useful. I've become more aware of that over the past year and today i was feeling overwhelmed with these feelings and didn't realize. This video slowed my racing thoughts and brought me to a calmer place. Great video as always and thanks for gently bringing a greater awareness to myself and others.

[chucklesoup]

When I first learned about Zhuang Zi and his story about the useless tree in university, I just could not wrap my head around it but hearing you put it in this context and how we should shift into and out of social roles when deemed necessary finally made it click for me.

I also think people follow these social roles because of generalisation. It's exhausting trying to understand everything around us and when we generalise, we don’t need to think as hard or try to understand someone’s background and instead, we can simply describe someone as a masculine man or feminine man.