When They're Hurt By What You Did

When your ex is hurt by something that you did, it can make it even more challenging to turn a breakup around.

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[bricew]

I would be the bf in this situation. Moral of the story is when you keep hurting a woman SHE WILL LEAVE. You can't continously make poor choices and expect great results. Fellas learn this lesson and be a better partner going forward.

[Sumtrip]

It's simple. There is no wright or wrong. If you are doing something that's hurts your soul mate then you are hurting your own soul. Stop doing it!

[ginag]

I am on a journey to learn how to self soothe, and no longer use my ex as a punching bag. I am learning to accept the death of his love for me because of my behaviors and to get the help that I need in order to be a healthier me for the next man who comes into my life. It's so crucial to work on ourselves before we get into a relationship. It' so important to self examine and stop blaming my ex for everything.

[marykerr]

Craig this woman is right! Been excusing all of this for 8 years with his ex to get along but it doesn’t stop! Can’t deal with this anymore!

[karatrias]

I recently broke up with the guy i was seeing bc he lied to me about seeing his ex gf. It’s a complicated situation when an ex is involved bc even if you trust your partner you still have to worry about the ex’s true intentions. Your partner should understand that and put you before their ex, they are an ex for a reason. Why risk ruining a current relationship for an ex?

[rajharell]

I'm with her on this one. he doesn't seem to care about this relationship enough to walk away from his ex. if he had any empathy for her, , he would've taken into consideration if she had been betrayed in the past. sounds like he's trying to save himself by saving others, you know, like healing wounded birds. also, it's not impossible to see that sleeping with his ex couldn't happen, especially in a moment of vulnerability.

[rightmiss]

ohh, no, I don't want space. If this is me, I would want my boyfriend come to me and delete all the contact info in front of my face, and use his action to show me that I can trust him.

[imastatistic]

Have to say, Completely true, especially when you have repeatedly hurt someone, promised to change and never did, or the usual with my Clients, they act differently for a week or two, then slide back into the same Old Patterns as soon as they have their feet under the table as it were. Actions speak Louder than Words. Continuity is Key. Be a Rock for your Woman, security and consistency really speak to a Woman.

[megschultze]

Craig, most guys are NOT trustworthy to talk with an ex. Also, when a guy talks to his ex, the new girlfriend is not only having to trust her boyfriend, but also having to equally trust the ex to behave and have pure intent. If there are children with the ex, the kids should be the only topic of discussion. If the guy broke up and you say no contact with an ex and no friendship to get them back, why would you then allow contact with an ex threatening the new relationship. That makes no sense. You, Craig, may be honorable, as I am, to not let an ex go too far. But most people are not. And we shouldn't be friends with our exes anyways. Why muddy up the new relationship with all that ex contact bs. If any external relationship is a detriment to your relationship, it is not worth having, stop the external relationship.

[sheryljudi]

Wow! I thought this video was about me!!!
Every single WORD is ME!

My ex was in love with his best friend and I asked him to stop contacting her. He told me he’ll stop but he kept finding ways. He kept going behind my back. Anyways, he let me go and I’m free from his lies. I also found out my ex has a mental illness SO I’ll just stay away from those type of people... the ones that lie.

[MOTwaccoe]

I unintentional hurt my ex wife of 23 years. I love her loads and she is angry, mad and hates me. We have been apart 4 months and I still love her dearly. I have done the begging and pleading. I have lost 42 pounds and working on myself but she still doesn't want to know. She said to me the other day that she is seeing someone else. I dont know if this is true or she is just wanting me to feel hurt as well. Like i say i never meant to hurt her i love her

[Irra]

Been there, done that a few times. Will Never Ever get involved with someone who is still involved with their ex in any capacity. Don't even know if I want a man with kids because of this. If the shoe was on the other foot he would be uncomfortable with it. We really need to use proper judgement & discernment when it comes to relationships. Stay away from appearances of evil and treat people how you want to be treated.

[SachikoMizuki]

Watching this video has really helped me understand my emotions. I am in a similar situation as the example you've read in the video.


I made a mistake, an unforgivable one according to my ex, and he chose to leave me, when he found out by checking my phone. Everything was so perfect just a minute before, sure we had petty arguments, but there wasn't anything we didn't work through together.


I messaged a past fling when I was feeling isolated, insecure and anxious to confide my feelings. Because I felt as if I couldn't talk to my ex. Despite the fact that I knew, my ex was very insecure about my previous partners, and asked me to block and delete all of them.


Which I did, until my own anxiety took over. I felt driven to a corner, and I made the worst possible decision. I went on my phone, I hit the unblock button, and I vented. I vented all my worries, anxiety and frustrations to my fling, instead of my ex. Although the conversation I was having with my fling was completely platonic, I lied to my ex that I have never slept with my fling, and that my 'fling' was just a regular friend. Because I was being self centered, and afraid that he would lash out again at me if he knew.


I was alone, living in my exes's house, with him and his family, away from my own family, country, and friends for two months. I had no one else when I was there with my ex, I relied on him for my safety, and accommodation. And throughout the two months, we had constant petty arguments, and he repeatedly lashed out each time, by saying he wished to break up with me. Even though he didn't truly mean it.


However, the constant reminder of breaking up whenever we fought over something silly, built an insecurity within me, I begin to think that perhaps, he was just finding excuses to push me away. He didn't love me anymore. And at first, I texted to my friends, and my mother about it. My mother only reassured my fears by agreeing with the fact that perhaps, he did want to push me away, which only intensified my anxiety.


And when my ex found out I have lied, by going through my phone, and finding an old conversation and video I had with my fling, (this old conversation with my fling occurred before my ex and I got together, and it completely slipped my mind that it even existed). He flipped out. He was angry, he yelled at me that I lied to him in his face, called me unpleasant names, and said, how dare I sit on his bed, and messaged someone that I've fucked in the past.


He bought a plane ticket for me immediately, and chased me home. He said, while he was sorting out own his issues and trying to change, to cope with his extreme jealousy, because he realized I was unhappy, and he did change, he did get more patient with me. I had betrayed him, and I lied to him, i couldn't be patient to wait for him, or mature enough to talk to him about it.


And, he is right to be angry at me, as I have hurt him immensely, and terribly. I ruined what could have been a beautiful relationship by a silly action, and mistake. I should have respected his boundaries, and emotions. I should have handled the situation better, by talking it out with him like a proper adult, instead of acting toxic and childish, by turning to a fling for advice.


I wish I have stumbled upon your videos earlier, before I made that mistake, so I could be aware of my own anxiety that has been building up, and making me insecure, and acting out childishly. Because, you are right when you said, people tunnel vision when they're sad, and angry. And I did, I tunneled vision so hard I stopped thinking about what my ex was going through, and I focused on my own sadness, and insecurity instead. And I acted out selfishly, and hurt him irreparably.


For anyone else watching this video, I wish you don't make the same mistake as I did. Because I regret it immensely, I have broken his trust, and he will probably never trust, nor forgive me again. I have hurt someone I loved and thought I was going to marry terribly, and I regret it so so much. I still love him so so much, but I no longer deserve his love. Because I have lied, and betrayed him. Don't make the same mistakes I did. Never lash out, and do something toxic, just because you're feeling negative.


Always try and work things out, talk to your partners about the issues you're facing first, or seek professional help, instead of friends, family or past flings, because they give you bad advice.


Talking to my mom and friends only intensified my anxiety, as they didn't understand the situation.


Understand your own feelings, and try and accept your partner's feelings. Don't turn to toxic actions, because in the end, it accomplishes nothing, but push you apart from the person you want to be with.

[elisamastromarino]

Question:. Why in the hell would *anyone* have to hold the hand of their *ex* ?

Exactly. He's at fault.

[kellyseager]

I can completely relate to this video. I think this happens a lot.

I also disagree with a lot of the comments here. Although I don’t condone talking to an ex under such circumstances, if the guy is telling the truth, and there was absolutely nothing going on there, I think this girl was way over reacting out of insecurity. I think that’s on her. She has to be confident enough in her own security to believe what he says. It’s certainly not a reason to break up. Otherwise, this break up is pure manipulation on her part to get him to stop doing something that causes her anxiety. I would think he would want to do that, but even if he didn’t, do you break up with him over it? Seems way over the top extreme.

My situation is similar, but in my situation my girlfriend is definitely overreacting. I tried to do what she asked and removed what I thought were all of my exes things from my house, but she found a couple of things that I missed and went berserk. To me that’s way over reaction, and now, she broke up with me because she believes that I am still tied to my former marriage, even though I’ve told her a million zillion thoughtful ways how I’m not. She just can’t trust what’s right in front of her. Two little objects sent her into a tailspin.

Part of me wanted to hear what Craig would say if he presumed that the guy was telling the absolute truth, and the girl was over reaction. As he said, there is some trauma there. If that’s the case, what would you do then? What if the girl was overreacting in every way?

[lemarch]

The girlfriend said he, the boyfriend, was depressed and talking to his ex for comfort. The boyfriend gave the impression the ex was depressed and he was helping her.

If the girlfriend is telling the truth, the guy was emotionally cheating on her. Why would you go to an ex for emotional support? In this case, was the ex a trained counselor? Unlikely. And if she were, there are clear boundaries in professional ethics discouraging treating close family or friends.

Same applies if the boyfriend was telling the truth about wanting to counsel his ex. I doubt he is a trained counselor, but it makes him appear like he is 'just helping' and a victim in this situation. I don't buy it.

The girlfriend did the right thing by talking to him and setting boundaries, which he violated. She showed her self respect and I hope she stays strong and doesn't take him back. It seems like he still has feelings for his ex and she picked up on it. Good for her.

[gollydrum]

I wish i could afford a email/video session with you Craig, I'm in such a bad place

[Beatlemaniac]

I'm on the other side of a similar situation, and all I can say is - you go girl! I too tend to drama and probably early childhood drama. But I am furious and incredibly hurt and yeah, i'm with her on this!

[carlfreiermuth]

first off, being that I tend to start throwing comments like crazy on your videos when I'm not even 5 minutes into the video, and then afterwards as I watch the video I can't help but laugh and see how the things I say perfectly align with the way the video plays out.. Big coincidence lol.. you guys have taught me so well, I see the patterns as they're just starting.. I do really wish to see these people all do the work for their own sake and for the sake of their loved ones.. now here's a little tough love for the folks out there, yes the videos are a blessing, they are great for learning through everybody's cumulative experience.. but if you guys don't want to do the work, guess what's going to happen.. You're going to have stories just like these and some of us are just going to say wtf is wrong with these people, do they really want to be miserable forever? when you people are ready to wake up and smell the roses 😁 ... flowers really are nice aren't they.. just do the work people, don't kid yourselves.. eventually we all should be taking some time to grow up, it's more than worth the effort, people that try to say they don't have the money, that's ridiculous.. I think I actually have an entire $3 to my name at the moment lol... there's no excuse. Life is what's precious, money does grow on trees so I can go make some right now, not exactly a big deal. these insecure people accusing their partners of all kinds of nonsense.. it's ridiculous, yes the word ridicule.. maybe you people have heard of it... I was one of those people getting accused and manipulated and having no boundaries respected.. My ex's would like to reconnect with me and many have tried, I do keep a healthy connection with them as friends.. I keep in touch with all of my exes except for the two that dumped me, they have major major issues.. The only one by choice that I don't keep in touch with is the one that was always accusing me, unfortunately she's still miserable. That's on her. we may not be able to choose our upbringing but we can choose to take responsibility for our own healing and growth.

[littlemiss]

Good for her establishing strong boundaries! He needs to grow up.