What to Say to Vegans – According to a Psychologist

According to a psychologist, what two words can you say to a vegan that can change everything?

Watch to understand how to talk about carnism, veganism, and eating animals using effective communication. You can reduce defensiveness and avoid arguments and conflicts, and instead have productive conversations -- whether you’re a vegan or nonvegan, whether you eat meat, eggs, and dairy or you don’t eat any animals.

Share this video to help others open up a productive conversation with vegans!

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More Books by Dr. Melanie Joy:
Learn to build a more inclusive vegan movement with "The Vegan Matrix"⁣

Dr. Melanie Joy is a psychologist, celebrated speaker, and the author of six books, including the award-winning Why We Love Dogs, Eat Pigs, and Wear Cows; Beyond Beliefs: A Guide to Improving Relationships and Communication for Vegans, Vegetarians, and Meat Eaters; and Getting Relationships Right. Dr. Joy has been featured in major media outlets around the world, including the BBC, ABC Australia, NPR, and the New York Times, and she has given talks and trainings in nearly 50 countries. Dr. Joy is also the founding president of Beyond Carnism.

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Center For Effective Vegan Advocacy (CEVA)

Dr. Melanie Joy

[TinaKo_lada]

This hit me, because its exactly how i feel often when i'm not in "my Bubble"

[jamesshepard]

I love this, especially as a piece of media intended for non-vegans. However, I don’t think that the term “vegan ally” is effective. As a vegan, I don’t need allies — the animals do. Veganism is, at it’s core, about advocating for animals because they can’t do so themselves.

If someone were to say they were an lgbtq+ ally, but still engaged in practices that harmed lgbtq+ people (voting for anti-lgbt legislation, purchasing from companies who oppose lgbt rights, etc.), we wouldn’t accept their position as an ally. If someone were to position themselves as an ally to anti-racism but didn’t do anything to stop their racist practices, they wouldn’t be an ally.

Vegans don’t need allies; animals do. Vegans ARE the allies for animals, non-human and human alike. If vegans are allies to animals, then a vegan ally is simply someone who is an ally to those who are allies to animals. That create a distance that diminishes accountability.

Saying you’re an ally to animals means you don’t actively and unintentionally harm animals.

I love your content though. This is just how I feel as both a vegan and rhetoric/linguistics PhD student.

[dawnhomer]

Totally relate to this. Vegan 1 year now. It’s been horrendous. I say to myself I’d rather be a sad angry vegan than a happy carnist. I live in a different world now and I’ll never be the same person again. ❤️🌱

[falsificationism]

Excellent setup, but I think I disagree with the advice. Is there data on the "I understand" phrase yet?

For most vegans, myself included, the problem is precisely that our loved ones literally do NOT understand. It strikes me that if any of my loved ones said "I understand" but didn't actually seek to learn more, or change their behavior, that phrase would backfire.

[RosineTheSoulHealer]

When a non-vegan says "I understand", I want to tell them "No, you don't. If you understood, you'd be taking action to transition to a vegan lifestyle".

[thecheekyscamp]

The whole problem (which the rest of the video accurately details) is they don't understand.

Personally, I don't want platitudes.

My problem with non-vegans is not that they don't understand me. It's not about me. It's about the animals that are still being exploited because of them

[justbeyou]

I've never felt more understood in my life

[someguy]

I thought the words would be-

You're right!

[stevenpalombo]

This video is spot-on with the emotional/social aspect but I can't help feel that it would be more distressing to know someone understands yet continues to live a non-vegan lifestyle. Can someone truly understand yet be non-vegan? That's tough for me to accept.

[susandean]

This pretty much sums up my experience as a vegan and having a non-vegan tell me they understand how I feel makes me feel sad, frustrated and angry. If they actually understood they would be vegan.

[slimshadys]

For there to be any ground made they need to say they are complete moral hypocrites that do disgusting things to suit their selfish desires and not "I understand".

[EugeneKhutoryansky]

If they understand, this makes it far worse. As the old saying goes, "Forgive them for they know not what they do." But, if they fully understand what they are doing, then this is a different matter.

[vegangaymerplays]

I appreciate the intent in this video, and I really really appreciate the analogy that might help non-vegans Westerners understand the horrors we know. As I thought about this video, I realized I would really prefer people to understand the suffering of the animals and say "I'll try." Being Vegan is not about myself and my feelings. I also don't need to be pacified and placated as if I am enduring a mental condition due to emotional trauma. But I can kind of see how "I understand" would give the non-vegan some sense of emotional high ground so they can feel like they are in control over the supposed emotionally tormented vegan, so maybe they will listen if they feel that they are being generous in their pity for us? I don't know...

[quitch]

I am from a family that vehemently refuses to stop eating meat, and I can't convince them that it's like eating the pet dog or cat, It frustrates me to no end !!

[martaa]

I get why people think "I understand" not followed by any meaningfull action is not enough. But we're all at different points in life and saying I understand is a good start and a sign of openness. I would love to hear it more often, especially from the close ones

[KatrinaDancer]

Anyone who says "I understand" but still eats other sentient beings absolutely doesn't understand.

[ikkirr]

I think what a lot of people in the comments aren't getting is that if a carnist can get to the point where s/he is even *trying* to understand, s/he's so much closer to getting into the mindset of becoming vegan. A lot of times, carnists are blocked to even trying to empathize with vegans because their cognitive dissonance feels too dangerous to critically analyze. (And, socially, it kind of is: potential ostracization, relational conflicts, etc.)

[arallskiant]

I hate when a carnist says precisely those two words because it is has if he does not know his own carnistic bias and as if there was no objective/facts background.
He says "I understand" eventough not only he does not understand (otherwise he would be vegan mechanistichally) but he enjoys not understanding on purpose (because of the properties of carnism).
The main problem with carnists is that they do not understand but think they do and thinks that either nobody is mistaken (so their eating habits etc are correct) or we are.
For them to understand our common grounds they have to acknowledge that we are disagreeing on objective realities (like animal's pain) of this world.

[brombeer-wal]

Great video, I feel this so much. Especially the feeling to leave the animals down. I’m lucky to have some allies around me.
The „I understand“ I only want to hear if it’s true, when somebody is listening and is open for the information.

[makitajazzqueen]

I rarely cry, and I never cry with videos like this. But I suffered and cried so much from watching this. It is exactly what I've been feeling for years, helplessness and hopelessness... Thank you ♥️