12 Phrases Emotionally Intelligent People Don't Use

When people lack Emotional Intelligence (EQ) they say things that leave others scratching their heads. "Did I just hear you say that?" Psychotherapist Dr. Les Carter lists 12 common phrases you might hear from such a person as he guides you toward a more enlightened way to communicate with others.

Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who lives in Dallas, Tx. In the past 39 years he has conducted over 60,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars.

[marilynkaster]

Six months of no contact AND NO TEARS!!! I've got my life back.

[bethsellers]

One of the hardest thing for people to learn is "other people are not me".

[tiffanysuttle-thrower]

Emotional abuse can be the worse kind..

[johngalvin]

'Your face I may forget, but your kindness, never...' - Old Irish saying.

[pattilondon]

My mother always told me I was too sensitive until I finally replied to this no mom I am not too sensitive this family is not sensitive enough.

[jagmo]

For convenience:

02:22 - why can't you just...
02:33 - you're going to do WHAT?
03:06 - ok, if that's what you want to think
03:45 - I had no other choice
04:43 - how do you think I'm supposed to feel?
05:05 - what's wrong with you?
05:29 - if you can believe THAT
06:13 - everything is great, RIGHT?
07:01 - well, aren't you just being sensitive
07:30 - nobody says THAT to me
08:15 - this would never have happened if you...
08:58 - stop it! Just stop it!
10:08 - that reminds of a time when I...
10:45 - why should I even bother with you?

[marissadower-morgan]

You can't change others, this is the hardest life lesson, no matter how much you try and seem to love them ..so change your way of looking at people and stop needing them to be more than they are .

[prschuster]

"Aren't you being sensitive?" is a pretty snarky way of dismissing someone's feelings.

[davidj]

A lot of these are passive aggression and hostility.

[LDrosophila]

Sounds like a family gathering at my house

[horizon]

What I hate the most " sorry to make you feel that way" or, don't take it personally " while you know that it is personal

[jeanmccoard]

Another one from people who are outrageous, hurtful, mean, “You just have to get over because that is the way I am.”

[arleneroth]

How about "GET OVER IT!" when someone is dealing with depression? Possibly the worst thing to say.

[GlenCarne]

"Look what you made me do" is a phrase that demonstrates an inability to take responsibility.

[anttoni]

Thank you. My parents were abusive. Your examples help me see my own low eq behaviour. It's gonna take a while to unlearn such behaviour.

[monicacall]

One that I heard all of the time growing up is, “Oh, you don’t really feel that way.” Any kind of “negative” emotion (sadness, anger, dissatisfaction, being upset because we had no say in family rules and activities, disappointment, frustration, etc.) was dismissed immediately and my sibs and I had to swallow our feelings and fake being cheerful and positive. This took a big toll on all of us as adults, and it took quite a while for us to learn how to own ALL of our emotions and deal with them in a healthy way rather than stuff them down deep inside or pretend that they didn’t exist. Perhaps that was the way children were raised back in the 40’s and 50’s because several other friends have shared with me that their parents wouldn’t allow them to express “negative” emotions while growing up either. It’s a terrible and damaging way to raise kids.

[jenniferhellstrom]

I've been guilty of saying some of the 12 phrases indicating low E.Q . Yet I've never meant it the way he interpret it to be but as I listened to him, it made me realize that perhaps that's why other individuals misunderstand how I mean something. Now I'll try and be more aware of how i communicate what it is that I really mean.

[drewt]

People also adjust their "EQ" to the person they are dealing with at the moment.

[bgm-]

You could've just as easily renamed the title to say: "12 Phrases that Passive Aggressive people say"

[allieuncharted]

I have a high functioning ASD but I’ve never said and of these phrases and I think I do have a lower EQ but the difference is I got behavior therapy and was taught clear concise communication.

I think the problem is most people aren’t taught to clearly communicate. It’s something you learn as you live in the world but I think maybe it should be taught in elementary school when kids are young