My Time at the Psych Ward

✎ She got a little too silly.
In this bedtime story, Pau retells her experience in an inpatient mental health facility, and how they treated her rather crudely.

100k views note:
I've learnt a lot of things,, such as how the conditons and quality of a ward are dependant of the funding and sponsors of it.
I think an important aspect that i left out was the fact that this video took place in the state of mexico, where there's very high poverty rates and terrible laws protecting patients, and the ward was no better example of it.
you may be asking then, "why did the texas conversation even come up?"
this was because there were 4 american patients, and i hanged around them as i felt more comfortable speaking english. When i mentioned i liked raising cane's more, the patient in my video asked me "where have you eaten cane's? texas?", which brough up texas to conversation and lead to them discussing politics.
did i mention the patient had previously been in prison in 4 diffrent states? he had a lot of stories to tell.
this was also my first experience having one of my videos go far from my intended audience,,
i've previously been happy with my little community , but this video invited a lot of people that don't know me, and only saw what i said superficially, prompting a lot of otherwise upsetting comments. i know you shouldn't read comments for the sake of your mental health, but of all the people telling me "you're mentally ill and need to go back there" to "too bad you didn't die" and the usual "your voice is forced" "you can't change who you are",, the worst were the ones denying that what i said wasn't true. "so obviously fake" "yeah... this isn't real". and, i don't know if its ignorance, or to get a reaction from me... but it's so so frustrating to tell me that all my trauma is some fantasy and i just made it up. you can tell me to die all you want, i'm used to it, but telling me that all my suffering, all the bad things that happened to me i just made it up is so heartwrenching to me... because i know its real. read my blog post, please, even my tweets from the past year, please listen to others with similar experiences... i didn't attempt suicide for views? i wanted to die.
and now i want to recover,, my therapists, even my mom, was really looking forward to me making this video. because it means i get to put it behind me and hopefully help others share their own stories, which is the best thing to come out of this.
i never expected people to doubt how i survived (x) and how i survived (y) and use big words like "but your esophagus was blocked!! you should've died!" to try to dismiss all my trauma. trying to even argue everything is fake because "they don't see me shaking and crying" "therefore it was all fake!!"
i'm sorry, but you don't know me.
i'm still trying to recover. thank you for all your support,, it brings life to me now more than ever

►
0:00 - Intro
0:32 - Arrival at "The Freezer"
1:18 - Arts and Crafts Buddy
1:59 - "Crazy Crying People"
2:18 - Blood on the walls
2:31 - Suspicious Injection
3:04 - My Ordinary Life
3:44 - The Raising Cane's Incident
4:30 - The Therapy was a Lie
5:00 - Submissive and Agreeable
6:02 - Released
6:42 - Outro

► SECOND CHANNEL: PAU ARCHIVES
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if you have questions regarding my voice, my stuttering, long pauses, etc...
the answer is: please be patient, i have autism

if you draw pau fan-art please tag me in any of my social media! :-D

#storytime

[randomkid]

A therapy place so shit that it makes you realize your life actually wasn't that bad before

[bridgeyboo]

I just want people to know, you can report these facilities. There are places to anonymously tip about bad treatment, because frankly, it's unacceptable. I don't know what country, but I find searching it up, that complaints can be filed. I unfortunately don't know how universal this is. I'm so glad you are around to tell us about this. Thank you.

Edit, if you want to have more information:
Keep in mind, I said “I unfortunately don’t know how universal this is.” What I meant by this is, it may sadly not be an option everywhere in the world and even within the US.

Best way to find out options is to search up “how to report mental health facilities for mistreatment” or variations.

Somewhat related:
In the US, this actually goes for even just therapists who’ve abused their power. They have a board where you can send a complaint.

[TakeMeToYoFishmonger]

Girl might be living in a early 2000s japanese rpg maker horror game

[silly_pau]

A year ago, I made a blog post about this experience, detailing it much better than i could ever do here. Since then, ive had severe ptsd from this, however, though recovery, i've found that telling my stories and making them a normalized aspect of my life has made me more able to live with such heavy trauma, and with this youtube channel, i get to do just that. ^^ the therapy i had later on recommended this, too, so for better or for worse, it's one big motivator to get these videos out, and i hope i can give a positive message out of it even if i'm not the best at it.
If you have any questions or doubts, please read the description!

[Revolutionismandatory]

I don't think I've ever heard a story from a psychiatric ward that wasn't absolutely horrific and traumatizing. Even people who say it was good for them always mention that the conditions were absolutely horrific.

[TobyJWalter]

That sounds like hell, and especially to me as being an autistic person, having no control would make me freak out! The video was very funny, have a good day

[PloverTechOfficial]

This sounds like exactly the opposite of what you needed at the time and I’m glad it’s in your past now. I think it’s so horrible they deprived you of your HRT while in there, it gives me the shivers just thinking about having mine taken away.

Comfort and peace for your future ::)

[splitsee]

That is genuinely so awful, I'm so glad you got out of there and I hope places like those Psych Wards are either overhauled or shut down, no one that needs mental help needs to get treated like US Prisoners. I just love your channel and how comforting it is to me, I really do hope things are better now Pau, your kinda the only channel on youtube I consider to be a comfort channel.

[borger]

What... The fuck. Like, how is this legal, how did they get away treating these poor people, you included, like this? I have no words to describe the horrible feeling i got knowing what you went trough. I hope things are going better now

[aashley_thing]

ive heard so many horrible stories about psychiatric hospitals so when i was admitted to one (which im still in but im getting discharged soon yay!) i was so terrified of what would happen. thankfully in my country there are a lot of laws surrounding how mental health patients could be treated so thankfully nothing as terrible as this could happen. the staff are always so pleasant and i made many friends with them, and the patients were very kind too. maybe this is because i was in an adolescent unit and it wasnt the "intensive care" facility, but you are so strong for going through all that and being able to share your story today ❤ i really hope that legislation around how mental health patients are treated worldwide changes massively so that this can never happen again. thank you!

[heyleemanzeron]

I had a pretty not very nice experience during my time in one. I get sensory issues really bad bc of my autism, and i remember going slightly blind because my brain couldn't handle the stress, but thankfully my brain managed to block a lot of it out and eventually I got to come back home and hug my plushies again !

We're rooting for you Pau, all hail Bulborb <333

[Themondaythatleftyoubroken]

Insane how psych wards stress somebody out even more despite their main job being to let someone recover

[Hyzeki]

It is insane how things like this can happen to people just trying to be their damn themselves, how can you look at a cute gremlin and think they are sick in the brain is beyond me

Also Bulborb is actually so cute wtf

[seaberrysvideodump]

I feel like going to a proper therapist that YOU vet yourself is the best option. a close friend would be able to comfort you in the ways they can but there are just some things they can't do. just some random ass therapist on the street could be greedy and give you faulty money because they just want money or dont care about you. but as hard as they can be to find. a good trustworthy therapist can do wonders to a human psychee

[lainiwakuraz]

you seem like such a strong person, very glad you're still around. genuinely this video gave me chills, all of that sounds terrifying. its great you're able to make art like this about your experiences though, you have such a unique way of telling your stories (expecially on the visual side of things, love the yume nikki and flipnote refs!) pls keep on making such beautiful art, the world needs you

also.. I'm iwakuraz :3 awawa thank you for the fanart feature at the end!! I'm so so happy you liked my fanart!!! :D

[Abasnail]

I'm so glad someone is finally speaking out about how messed up these psych ward facilities are. My brother was only sent there for a week, and he was treated almost the exact same as this video. Obviously, he never wanted to step anywhere near a facility like that again.
We need to actually report these places and make this more well known to others.

[EarphonePretzel]

Glad to hear thing's are slowly looking up little by little, day by day.

No person should be treated the way you were in that horrible place.

[maxicinea]

2:31 got too real.. the worst part is, I'm pretty sure it's fully legal for them to do that since you essentially sign away your rights when going there. Like 'we can forcibly medicate you without informed consent' is hidden in the fine print somewhere or something.

[BeastWarzIII]

I thought my demon chain of anxiety was bad. But your? Jesus, you are a lot stronger than I am. Keep being strong.

[ceereville]

I don't write many comments, but I wanted to say that you aren't "coming across as a little useless" pau, providing a lifeline and just reassuring us that we are loved is more than enough :) I'm so sorry for all the things you went through there, but its really amazing to hear you made it through and that you're doing a bit better :))
I only found ur channel recently but in that time you've become a comfort youtuber for me and have found your content very relatable, so I just wanted to mention that I'm glad ur alive and putting out content and that I hope you're doing ok :)) take time for youself and remember ur loved too <33

(sorry I'm bad at commenting