'A Warning Label on my Life': The Story of Ellen's Coming Out

Ellen DeGeneres’ coming out episode was a massive TV milestone. The first openly gay lead character on a primetime sitcom, it opened the door for countless shows that followed. But not everyone was happy about it, and behind the scenes, some of Ellen’s biggest battles were with the executives in charge of the network. And that was only the start of troubles to come. This is the story of the most controversial coming-out in television history ... and the fallout that changed TV forever.

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[ccdaly]

I remember watching Ellen's sitcom with my mom and sister as a kid. I also remember my mom being genuinely angry when they started putting the content warning before the show after she came out: "what the hell isn't appropriate?"

[SoleaGalilei]

My son is 19, and I remember about 10 years ago we were watching Ellen's talk show and I ended up telling him the story of her sitcom and what a huge deal it was for her to come out at that time. He was genuinely confused and didn't understand why her being gay would ever have been a problem. The younger generation lives in a very different world than we did, which I think makes it even more important to remember our history with videos like these.

[Nothing_Israel]

That was a really fascinating clip of Ellen appearing on the Rosie O’Donnell show and joking that her character was coming out as “Lebanese, ” then Rosie teasing that she thinks that she herself might be Lebanese, with Ellen quipping back that she suspected Rosie might have some Lebanese in her” given that this interview was in 1997 and Rosie didn’t officially “come out” until 2002.
It is interesting in that it was one of those “open secrets” that they could wink so hard at their conservative audience that it was basically stage whispering, and yet they knew that the conservative audience was so eager to believe a comforting lie that until one of them spelled it out blatantly by saying the actual words “I am a lesbian, ” they would never pick up on the very obvious subtext of the Lebanese joke.

It is particularly interesting because I recall as a kid hearing the suggestion that Rosie was a lesbian and dismissing it with “no way. She is always talking about her crush on Tom Cruise, ” while failing to pick up on every other blatant hint.

It also reminds me of when you would see clips of people making “jokes” about Harvey Weinstein being a predator. It was an “open secret.” Mind you, Rosie’s secret was obviously about having consensual love and Harvey’s was about being an abuser so they are absolutely very different situations.

But it is interesting to notice things that seem obvious now with hindsight that went right over most people’s heads when they were alluded to at the time. It makes me wonder how many other inside jokes are flying over my head today.

[VioletCatbird]

"Conservatives were furious" could be the subtitle for this whole channel.

[manthony]

The moment when Ellen said "Im Gay" in to that microphone was almost indescribably huge.
But when she comes out to Peter, who was also both a gay character and gay actor was very powerful and sweet in its own way.

[djalland]

As a straight man I could never understand fully what being closeted feels like, what the fear of being outed or coming out feels like, or what it feels like to see someone do what you want to do and giving you the courage to finally do it. The emotion on your face as you described what you experienced during "the puppy episode" gave me a glimpse, though. As a Christian minister who is trying hard to be as strong an ally as I can be within an institution which has been responsible for so much pain and suffering for LGBTQ+ people I find your videos to really help me, and I'm sure many others, to gain more understanding. As well as being just really good and entertaining to watch. God bless, Matt.

[JC-yyiv]

Wow I just gained a newfound respect for Diane Sawyer, watching her hold Bob Iger’s feet to the fire like that (in the 90s!!) and not letting any of his bullshit slide… love the incredulous “Well she IS gay every single week!” made me want to stand up and cheer

[techwiz]

It’s amazing how far we’ve come in a couple decades…in 1997 Bob Iger was whining that Ellen was too gay, now Disney is at war with Ron Desantis over gay rights

[rhyfeddu]

I had forgotten. I had actually somehow forgotten how hard it was at the time. How mainstream and expected it was to treat gays and lesbians as dangerous lepers.

When i finally came out around this time, i literally felt i had to take each of my friends individually to a corner booth of a favorite hang out and drop my news like a bomb to my life and hold my breath to see their reaction and if they would detonate that bomb. I lost friends, a job, from coming out. It was a big deal. To do that on the scale that Ellen did is something my nervous system can't comprehend.

I'm so glad it's easier now. Everytime i see a cute story about a queer prom couple i get teary. I never dreamed to have that, it was incomprehensible as a teenager. People acted like being a murderer was more acceptable then.

Kids today (thank God) have no idea and have i mentioned, thank GHOD.

Of course intolerant people have moved on after mosty losing this "culture war" and have found a new bogeyman in trans folks and alot of that anti propaganda sounds really familiar the 2nd time around. I don't know if it will bring any trans person living thru this crap now any comfort, because they still have to wade thru the sh!t, but hateful people will lose, it's inevitable. Acceptance will come. Backlashes always happen but you can only make people fearful about unknowns. And that doesn't last, can't last, in the face of brave people living authentically.

✊🏻🏳️‍🌈✌🏻

[jlee]

I remember this episode so vividly. I was a sophomore in college, and our LGBT student club met up in a basement common room, and when she said those words “I’m gay” at the airport, we all stood up and cheered and hugged each other, and I broke into tears.

[PokhrajRoy.]

I mean, Rosie and Ellen hinting that they could be lesbian is prescient.

[thelostone]

This show and episode specifically taught me that my ex-wife believed being gay was a choice. One of our worst arguments…but life went one and now I’ve been married for 22 years to a woman who makes sure we’re at the Utah Pride Festival almost ever year.

[outinsider]

I cannot deny Ellen's impact on my life being out when I was a closeted bisexual. It's no coincidence that I came out when her talk show was in its second or third season. While I am disappointed in the mistakes she made leading to the end of her talk show, it doesn't take away a light in a sea of darkness in coming out on her sitcom and what she endured in the aftermath.
People talk about how easier it is to come out, coming out is not easy. Ellen doing it on a national scale reflects a reality that is still present for many people who aren't out, who struggle to come out, and whose to stay in. When I was young and saw what happened to Ellen, I did not want it to happen to me.
But, somehow, I just kept swimming. Ellen kept swimming, and she started her talk show which ran for two decades. Thank you Matt for acknowledging her complex legacy.

[Paint_The_Future]

I was a queer kid in Northern Ireland in the 2000s, though unaware of my queerness at the time. We had an ABC channel that just ran re-runs of shows they had, but I hadn't seen them before, so they were new to me. I saw the "I'm gay" episode, unaware of the context surrounding it. It was surprising, it was a move I hadn't ever seen done on TV before. It helped me on my queer journey too.

[themiddleones]

Thank you for not sweeping the blowback under the rug or dog piling on top of it but actually having an objective take on it. That's what we need

[nicolehall]

People often complain about why people feel they need to come out, why make an issue about it.
Your story is why. It gives closeted kids like yourself the safety and confidence to be yourself ♥️

[souleaterevans]

I cannot imagine the stress of feeling ready to not only come out, but to do so on TV, just to deal with all this crap of higher-ups pushing the date back further. And then to have them give the okay, but blame HER afterwards for their homophobic opinions on the resulting product?

[thecrimsonender]

My mom came out because of this episode and Ellen coming out in real life. I was a kid at the time. Ans as I got older, her living her truth is what gave me confidence to come out as trans. Still feeling the ripple effects of this today and I'll never forget it.

[ZoeAlleyne]

I think it is good for me to remember things like this. I'm not the youngest generation, I'm in my early 30s, but I'm chronically online and people are always like "x famous person is too privileged, let's delight in their downfall" and while there is a vague validity there...we tend to erase and minimise the struggles we don't remember.

Someone doesn't have to be all good or all bad, legacies can and SHOULD be complicated.

[TisiphoneSeraph]

I appreciate that you never shy away from the complexity of this history. It's undeniable the impact Ellen has had on culture and I love that you covered her. I love even more that you included the controversy around the working conditions on her show. Neither quality erases the other. In an era where people get clicks by presenting things in black and white terms, I hold your channel even more dearly for it's willingness to engage with the grey. Can't wait to read your book!

ETA: this added some much needed context for why my conservative fundamentalist parents almost didn't allow us to go see Finding Nemo when it came out. I only had a very vague idea at the time. Just the other day I got an apology for the homophobia my parents espoused over the years, completely unprompted. I have no doubt that them enjoying her show played a role in changing their minds. Culture isn't everything but it sure is a force to be reckoned with.