QI | How Did Loo Paper Help End The Cold War?

16 November: On this day in 1933, USA and USSR establish friendly diplomatic relations.

From QI Series E, Episode 07 - "Espionage'
With Clive Anderson, Jo Brand, Vic Reeves and Alan Davies

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[jessicalee]

Customs Officer: "Do you have anything to declare?"
Spy: "Ummmm... no, nothing to declare. Just out of curiosity, do you have to declare excrement-stained documents and severed human limbs?"
Customs: "That's... not on our _official_ list sir, no... but--"
Spy: "Then, no."

[Jotari]

"Sir, sir, the operation was successful!"
"Excellent. What do we know about the Soviet situation?"
"They're in dire shit."

[thomasstewart]

can you imagine the border guards? just... one of them opens the bag and takes a look inside... "I need to talk briefly with my comrade."

a muffled conversation from the office : "Limbs! human limbs wrapped in soiled paper! we have to arrest him!" "do you want to arrest him? I'm not arresting him, who knows what he does with the rest of them!" "then what do we do?" "he wants to leave the country. I want to be in a different country than him. the way I see it everything works out for the best."

"sir you are free to go far far away from us."

[TheChinaWatcher]

Gives it a totally different meaning when you are talking about amputated limbs, Customs inspections and The Hidden Hand.

[JoeBlu]

There's something you wont see in a Bond movie.

[galexeqe]

Comrade 1: "Ah Boris, comrade Stalin has just sent a new memo"
Comrade 2: "Oh good, I've just had some bad borscht"

[joshrogan]

I went to the loo in a Moscow hotel in the 70s and of course there was no loo paper.
The wire basket for the insoluble paper had a handkerchief in it!

[Jezidka]

I JUST TIME TRAVELED! ...it's 2020 and they're already talking about the toliet paper shortage.

[KishoreShenoy]

I've heard of spying on arms but this is ridiculous

[akhil]

Try this next time when you have dinner in your fancy chinaware:
Get a nice delicious helping of any gravy based food. Whatever floats your boat, some chili or bacon or steak. Whatever man. Just put the normal size that you would eat on a plate.
Finish eating it. Nothing fancy here. Just a normal guy asking you to have a normal meal you like. Use spoons, forks, knives or if you wish, try using your hands. But as I said, your wish, entirely.
Now, after you've finished it, wipe it off with the softest cleanest piece of dry paper towel. Make sure the paper towel is dry. However, there is a small trick in this part. You have to keep your eyes closed and you can only watch the paper towel to determine whether the plate is clean. Try sitting on the dinner table, keep the plate below the table and start wiping. You can check the paper towel once in a while, just to check. Wipe as much as you can and keep it on the rack. Away from water.
After about 10-12 hours, just go and have a look at the chinaware. Is it clean enough to have another meal on it? Will you be comfortable to eat again in this dish?

I can go on, but I guess you get the analogy. Just imagine the amount of grease/dry gravy which is on your plate, just squatting and hanging around your tender area. Inviting the blend of viruses, bacteria, fungi etc to come and feast on it.

Now, repeat the exercise, with a stream of water, instead of dry paper towel. You can stand on the sink and close your eyes. Just run the dish under the stream for a couple of minutes after you're done eating.

[MuscarV]

Is the volume very low on this video? Even at full volume it's way quite than others at half volume.

[xonxt]

I just want to clarify, before the commenters start laughing and making jokes.
This refers to a shortage of toilet paper in *East Germany*, not in USSR, that happened because of an embargo, laid by the West.

[TheAlllseeeingFish]

Watch Dave Butler talk about his time with BRIXMIS about this, fascinating.

[stephenjacks]

Russia did manufacture a rough toilet paper. It doubled as sandpaper.

[dracst]

I have seen every James Bond film and strangely Good old Bond never once had to do that. 😂🤣.

[parkeradelaide]

what was that last bit? i didn't quite catch it. faded too soon.

[b_uppy]

That wasn't well explained. Operation tamarisk was to bring back the limbs? Introduce toilet paper? What?

[ashleywebster]

Spying isn't always glamorous, sometimes you just have to go through the motions... 😎

[originalindigodingo]

Wait, so why didnt the soviets switch to using water to clean themselves?

[MrDeadsr]

How can they go into long term toilet paper shortage? Shouldnt be so hard to increase production giving the years they had