What I Learned in 25 Years of Recovery

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12-Step fellowships can be powerful places of healing and connection. But not everyone who goes, gets something out of it. How can YOU get the most of your meetings? Here are 30 lessons I learned from 25 years in the program I attended (for families of alcoholics).

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[iammeBMB]

You are incredibly eloquent 😮
In each of the many videos I have watched, you have no wasted words. Wow! Because of that I started the Daily Practice… and after several weeks I became a member of your CCF group. It has changed everything for me.
This video… wow! I have never heard 12 step be dissected like that. I learned so much! Thank you for all you do.

[dmgice]

"I don't have to save meetings and I don't have to save people." My codependency flares up about that. But.. I get it. That's really tough to learn.. it sounds simple. But it's tough to learn.

[ladyjusticesusan]

As a food addict I go to an AA meeting because if I put the word “food” wherever someone uses “alcohol” I found that everything else is exactly the same. My food addiction comes from childhood CPTSD. AA and CPTSD knowledge working together are the key for me!

[givingpresence]

The thing is we have to check within ourselves with honesty. I feel I try to fix people or make myself of use in the 12step group at times, but I’m aware of it and I check with myself.
“What is it that I’m trying to accomplish by making myself useful in a space where I just need to be vulnerable and free?”
“Do I feel I need to be useful like I was for a parent when I couldn’t be vulnerable when I was younger?”
“I’m in an adult body and I don’t need to do that anymore”
Trauma is very insidious so our brains can play games to cover up the pain. We have to do work inside and outside to be able to move forward and grow

[yesdonnaful]

To anyone who is here considering 12 step program for recovery from alcoholism or anything else: this is the most thoughtful & accurate description of the 12 step program I have seen in public media. I especially appreciate your focus on the fellowship aspect. Thank you for posting this, a most needed boost to my own program of recovery!🦋

[deniseparker]

I plan to find a group to add to my cptsd healing journey... (mother was emotionally immature, unstable, neglectful, unhealed due to her own childhood trauma (alcoholic father...) )..
Her lack of healing was very problematic for our entire family.
I've been on a healing journey 39+ years. Finding Anna a year ago has been a real gift 🎁

[reneuxtaos]

I found your videos 2 years before I joined AA and I'm really grateful for both. I'm 9 months sober now and actively participate in meetings and the 12 steps and I'm so grateful for your guidance and directing me towards AA.

[carladelagnomes]

"Be the medicine, " is the same as talking about one's "Ah Ha!" moments. And that's the whole point.
"Ah Ha! This worked for me! This was the problem, this is what I heard or read or my Sponsor advised, and it worked!" and relaying that information to the people who are dealing with that issue gives them hope that it could work for them also. When a new person looks around the room and sees all these people dealing, successfully, with things that brought them to rock bottom, they know that there's a solution! That there's hope!

[richardschneller]

Your thoughts about the recovery community are very pertinent. You are delightfully wise. Warning about the cultishness while still encouraging people to try different meetings and finding a good fit for the individual is very useful. It can work, it can bring hope, and one can find a power not normally one's own. Thanks again

[jeanieshank]

I am the secretary for my coda group. We do it for one year. I really love my group.

[cherbuck]

I've recently decided to leave my hometown 12 Step groups after 20 years. I was getting more and more angry and resentful after getting tired of hearing the same stories over and over again. I found another group 45 minutes away that was not just speaking the principles of the program but working the steps. I was a very hard choice to make and it took many, many months to finally do it. I've had to grieve the loss of this "family". But the change has really been worth it. Just like the alcoholics and other people in my life, I can't change them or force them out of their comfort zone. Now, I'm trying to find ways to continue some of those friendships outside of the groups in a healthier way.

[marioct]

This is Step One of ACA...'We admitted we were powerless over the effects of alcoholism or other family dysfunction, that our lives had become unmanageable.'

It was such a relief to know that I was not responsible for the whole dysfunctional mess... I was blameless.... and that I was not 'bad' as I was told by my mother.

[pdelaprimm]

Community seems difficult for me — and I have been all over — Twelve Step, sixteen years, church, men’s groups … I don’t know, but do agree it’s crucial to one’s Recovery. Still searching & seeking.

If I am forthright, it’s because the adults so often seem like children - nearly everywhere; everything seems so reduced.

[edwalden]

After 50 years of AA I'm still. A mess of anxiety and depression. The 4th step has me bound by guilt, shame and fear. Every day is a struggle and I am frozen in place. No joy.

[palomasandoval]

Ive been in OA for 2 years and have struggled and struggled. Ive never been able to be consistent with anything in my life and so working the steps havent been easy. I fail and then keep trying over and over again. I really want to recover. I think im the person who always talks about my struggles instead of the solution. For the last two meeting ive stood quiet because ireally have felt like a failure. I dont plan on giving up.

[sh-bpiw]

This video was released at an opportune moment for me. This month I'm celebrating one year in recovery in ACA (I've been going to meetings weekly and then bi-weekly since the first time I stepped foot in a room last January). And I'm coming up against the reality that, without working the steps and working a daily program, turning over what I am powerless over to god, that I am deeply hurt and deeply avoidant of that pain. I'm still coping like I was when I was a helpless child. And when I compassionately turn toward my pain, I see that I have to continue to take action, to change my life, to show myself love and care and to keep reaching out to others who are available to hear me. I am feeling so exhausted and frightened and helpless, I am feeling like if I don't control everything in my life perfectly (and of course I am actually in control of very little in this world and this life) that everything will come crashing down around me. I'm still trying to manage my pain by avoiding and controlling it. And I know it's time to let go of control.

[JourneyAlee]

12-stepping wasn't helpful to me. I'm not at all religious and the program -- for me -- felt like the opposite of what I needed. I'd already given my power away, and recovering that has been the most helpful for me. I found the meetings traumatizing, watching people throw their lives down the tubes and not see it hurts my heart. I add this because abusers so often strip us of our faith, and leave us feeling we're lesser beings. 12-stepping works many, but if it isn't right for you, that's also okay. Just stay actively engaged in your healing. Peace to you this day. ❤

[thetokyodrafts]

12-step fellowships have changed my life. When I got stuck in therapy the fellowships helped me go deeper and address the real cause of my suffering without the typical top-down hierarchy that therapy has.

[carriesing]

I’ve been attending Al Anon meetings for over two years and just got a sponsor. I’ll work the steps and keep an open mind about the program. The most powerful therapy I’ve found is in a daily practice of Iyengar yoga. I’m blessed here in the SF area to have access to great teachers.

[gx]

I loved discovering 12 step community and spirituality in my 20s. My addictions aren't life threatening, but I need to be in recovery rather than addiction. I figure the lifelong management requires numerous life-giving interventions, and many of them are there for me in the rooms; many are elsewhere. Thanks for this long-term perspective Anna