Russell Brand On Resenting Parents & Family!

Do you or have you ever resented your parents or family members? Why? Have you learnt to deal or comes to terms with it in some way?

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[rechaelandrea]

There are times when it's best to completely cut ties with parents when there has been a history of abuse. Especially when the impact of that abuse has not been properly acknowledged. Having no contact can be the only way to begin healing.

[HumansOfVR]

*Anger, resentment, and jealousy don't change the heart of others. It only changes yours*

[MegaLabellamafia]

I forgave my parents for their neglect years ago. I don't resent them, I don't care. I didn't forgive them for their benefit, I did it for my own. Once I forgive, I let go. I cut off contact with my entire toxic family, and I've never been happier. My kids are happier. My relationship with my husband is 100 times better. Once I let go of all of the toxicity those people brought to my life, my mental well being got better, and it shows.

[richalderson]

I still get pangs of rage about my parents, especially when I am by myself. I lost alot of my youth because they simply turned their backs on me when I really needed them as a kid so I ended up just giving up on myself. It still hurts and it's a heartbreak I'll never truly get over. How can you?

[randomelvis]

If you resent because of abuse, If anyone is abusive, form healthy boundaries...if they are crossed again and again walk away...this is from friend, partner, parents...anyone. Some people are not worth your precious time, and some will never change, however....you can change you.

[mariagabrielagoncalvesmart]

I have tried to forgive my mother so many times while still living with her, but unfortunately, I think this can be achieved only if you maintain a distance between you and the person you resent. I believe it to be virtually impossible to forgive someone for all the abuse they put you through while simultaneously living with them and relieving the very same scenarios that caused the majority of your traumas.

[dannj]

i think expecting your parents to keep you safe, feed you and love you is not unreasonable....

[h.c.argyrodes]

I don't resent my parents, but when I think about my upbringing now as a adult I find it literally unforgiveable. That's where I drew the line under it. I have accepted that fortune is fickle and don't get uptight about it, but I've no plans to open Pandora's box in a vain attempt to rekindle some lost relationship. Some of my best childhood memories are from the comic relief of it all and I'm at peace with the cards I was dealt.

[Headsign]

To loosely quote Dr Susan Forward, you don't need to forgive. Sometimes, forgiving is the wrong way to overcome a hurtfulness that is so deep and excruciating. What you need to do is work to overcome the obstacle that your trauma has become. Learn to be stronger than it and don't fall prey to patterns that have been put into you in order to control you and make you feel miserable. Once you've reached that point, you can still decide whether forgiving is necessary or not.

[nathaliedufour]

My biologicals are not parents, they are lost in narcissism and co-dependancy.

[romanchronometrist]

Children don't have fantasy expectations, they have legitimate needs, and on top of that, they are dependent on others to fulfill those needs. If a child's actual needs are not met -- and this includes intangible needs like attention -- there are serious negative developmental consequences. The situation is in no way analogous to an adult asking another adult to take responsibility for them.

[olufson]

I agree that carrying constant anger and resentment towards someone who wronged you will not make you feel better. However, people should never be made to feel guilty or immature or weak for having these feelings when someone has mentally and/or physically abused them. Especially, if that someone is a parent aka an authority figure who was completely in charge of your mutual interactions when you were just a child, and moreover, who chose to have the responsibility of raising a child yet completely failed to offer the unconditional support and love required of them. This usually leaves a child with a lifetime of trust & intimacy issues, unreasonable insecurities, complexes and other mental issues to overcome. Therefore, saying that one shouldn't be angry about that is pure victim blaming and no-one should stand for it.
From personal experience, I have explained to my emotionally abusive parent why I resent them, cut them completely out of my life and received therapy to relieve my mental struggles. I have honestly never felt happier and hardly ever even think about them, let alone feel like meeting them again, which would surely re-open all the old wounds. The main take-away from surviving abuse should be the conviction to never impose it on others. Justified anger towards the abuser, however, is very healthy since the pain is externalized and you're less likely to ever be gaslighted into believing it was somehow your fault. Don't let the resentment poison and define you, but also don't let anyone tell you that your abuser, blood-related or not, deserves forgiveness & reconciliation, especially if they have never even apologized or shown sincere repentance.

[AwokenGenius]

I expect my family to be an actual family. But we are not, not in the way a 'family' has been sold to me.

They're more an inconvenience than anything, I'd rather be able to walk away and never talk to them again.

[Syne]

As if the impediment of bad parents isn't enough.. now I'm saddled with the responsibility of forgiving them, or living an unfulfilled life. It never really ends, does it?

[A__Love]

Russell is right. You can cut ties with abusive parent(s) AND forgive. Because forgiveness does not mean forget. Forgiveness and taking a true spiritual path to heal, to understand and accept, does not necessarily mean condoning what kind of parenting you had. Forgiveness is detachment and is true unconditional love for yourself and others.

[AGVenge]

Becoming a parent myself made me realize to an even stronger degree just much I was neglected and abused by my parents. How do I forgive evil and cruel acts? Yes, they in part ruined my life, still, and cause me so much pain. Why can I not find peace with that if that is supposed to be the right thing?

[SuperFarrOut]

I totally get the part about self-love and resentment. It’s hard to escape the way your own family sees you, that role they constantly reinforced, in order to find a place to build self esteem. Maybe it’s time to give up on convincing them of why I’m a good person.

[MNkno]

There's a difference between recognizing that something happened and it shaped you in ways that you have to struggle to overcome... and resentment.

[katjames]

In Buddhism we learn, "Pain is inevitable, suffering is optional." Not letting go of family resentments keeps us continually suffering. Letting go is one of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn. I haven't mastered it. But, boy do I get practice!

[bryinthe]

Bad parents usually come from bad parents. Plus there's no escaping inheriting traits from both mom and dad. It's up to us to do the necessary shadow work and break the cycle by recognizing our inherited and learned faults, and not casting them onto others. I held a lot of resentment towards my father for many years until I realized his upbringing involved an alcoholic father, and a mother who praised his sister and treated my dad like an invisible child. I'm not dismissing or excusing what he did wrong and years ago I set some long overdue boundaries, but ultimately it strengthened our relationship and now we're closer than ever.