Understanding Social Norms as an Autistic Person #autism

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[confushisushi]

I still remember some time in elementary school (like 3rd or 4th grade I guess, I can't recall exactly which teacher it was) that I went up to the teacher and asked a question, like we were working on stuff so she wasn't busy or doing something else. I just asked what I wanted to ask and she responded along the lines of "you should have said hello." And I just remember so clearly how confused I was. Like, it was the middle of the day, we had all been in the classroom for hours or whatever. Why would I greet her?

It wasn't until MANY years later that I fully grasped that you had to "begin" and "end" interactions. Like if I had a question or something I wanted to say or talk about to someone who wasn't a stranger, then I'd just say it, assuming they weren't occupied, and when I was done talking or listening I'd just stop and leave. It just didn't make sense to me to say anything other than what you wanted to say.

[deniseaday]

And lots of us will often just remain silent and observant for fear of getting it wrong and looking weird. Which ironically can also draw unwanted attention. 😕

[BLuRayDiskRang]

That's why I question everything no matter what

[zoraify]

What they have found in research, though, is that when an ND interacts socially with an ND, they are NEVER considered RUDE TO THEM!!! It is only when an ND interacts with an NT (when it crosses neurotypes) that there is a breakdown in communication. Otherwise, we aren't seen as awkward, rude, misunderstood, etc! So it has nothing to do with US. We just need more ND neurotypes to communicate with!! ❤️

[delphinebez]

Hate social norms: I apply them when i feel like and people are lovely... I don't mind then, and I can be very courteous. But as a general rule being brutally honest is a gift : buys me space, makes everything clear for everyone . Spares evryone time. That is self respect.
My rules. Means that people can be honest with me too ! And I will listen, and respond.
Then, my friends are true friends. There's no playing around.

[TeddyLovesAxl]

Orion, I am in a new-ish relationship and I have used ur video “10 things you should know about ur autistic partner.” And it has saved people from getting their feelings hurt, especially when I need my “alone time.” Or when I come across as rude or sarcastic. Because if someone has on an ugly outfit and ask me “what do you think about my outfit?” I wish I could simply say, “it’s nice.” Nope. Me: “It’s ugly, you should change.” My honesty if off-putting to a lot of people. I feel like they want an honest answer but I’m not sure what they really want to hear.. It’s sooo confusing 🤦‍♀️ Your videos help explain this to them. 😂❤

[emalynicole]

My partner and I recently bought a car from the neighbours and then they lied and said we offered them less than asking but we actually just offered them what they asked for. It was so strange .. I realized then that there was some social upping at play which wasn’t our intention we just wanted the car no questions asked no trouble .. it made me incredibly uncomfortable and we had proof (a picture) that they were lying. Over time I realized I was taking part in some sort of neurotypical way of doing things, which usually involves competition and social upping.. that’s my guess at least.

[silasandfrida]

Speaking without having a reason to is the one that still confuses me. Small talk will never ever make sense to me. Greeting people and asking how they are every time you see them even though they don’t really tell you anything new will never make sense to me.

Especially at work or the store, if I don’t have something I need to say or need from you, I won’t talk to you naturally. Apparently, that’s not natural to others.

Specific titles how some people want to be call certain things and not other people like some want first name and some want a Mrs and last name and get upset if you don’t guess right. Why can’t everyone just use their name, why does this matter?

Being uncomfortable when someone doesn’t remember me and I say hello because if I don’t say hello then they ask me why I didn’t. I recognize everyone I’ve known even for a short time usually. But then I say hello and they ask me who I am and seem uncomfortable. We had a science class in high school and I remember them even though we never talked.

Then I resolve not to say hello if I know them and people ask me “did you not recognize me, why did t you say hello?”

Growing up in the South was a nightmare. Social convention is so rigid here even in 2023.

[dark_fire_ice]

Luckily for me, I had parents to beat (literally) obedience into me. So now I just remove myself, pause and give myself enough time to not do something incredibly stupid; with only the miniscule cost of eternal and complete, absolute self hatred

[tess]

is it possible for some autistics to loyally adhere to social norms?