Sorry. Your Car Will Never Drive You Around.

A deep dive into autonomous vehicles, customizing your own, and everyone trying to run over both plastic and actual kids.

Elonstamps:
0:00 - Sup
1:17 - Stages of autonomy
3:20 - FSD Expectations
4:38 - FSD Reality
5:32 - Hitting Fake Children
7:45 - Hitting Real Children
9:19 - Ultrasonic Sensors
11:13 - Why I Care So Much
13:32 - Safety Tech That Works
14:12 - Tesla's Are More Dangerous
16:05 - Openpilot
17:37 - LOTS of Trial and Error
19:40 - Tesla Karen
21:17 - A Better Idea?
23:42 - Your Rights

[BennJordan]

Intro track: "The Wave" by @Superlative
The $TSLA dudes coping in the comments is so rewarding.

[silverXnoise]

I wonder if Silicon Valley will ever finally arrive at trains? I would be willing to let them claim they had the brilliant idea all on their own, if it gets us to where they stop reinventing worse trains.

[leonuseglio]

"A decade ago... In 2014" My back started hurting instantly😂

[danielmorris]

FSD already exists. My Dad used to work on the farm and go to the pub after. He'd pass out drunk but always found his way home. The horse would just go back in the barn and finish its hay.

[FakeGlasses]

I Lost it at the “okay buddy, daddy is balls deep on a Tesla option ETF….”

[forteanmobius]

"It can tell a mannequin from a …". IT SHOULDN'T BE HITTING A MANNEQUIN!

[RobertBoston-nd]

I about died of laughter when the Tesla lightly bumped the dog and dog walker over and then was like GTFO of the way, i gotta go lolol

[fishnutter]

I had a coworker who complained constantly that the patrol car we both drove would constantly beep at him all night while he was driving it round. But it never beeped for me except occasionally on one specific section of road. Turns out he was such a terrible driver he was constantly tripping the lane deviation warning.

[regisdumoulin]

I remember watching a commercial a few years ago... You could see a person reading a magazine in a moving vehicle with a voice over saying: "one day you will travel without having to look at the road, one day you will be able to go 200 mph in silence and comfort"... The the camera zoomed out to reveal the person was sitting in a high speed train with the voice over saying: "that day is today!"

[zpd]

ok, people who make excuses that "a cardboard cutout isn't a real human" need to have their heads examined. If your car drives over a huge object in the middle of the road, THAT'S A FUCKING PROBLEM. It's not like the car can tell what the object is made of, or what is BEHIND the cardboard cutout. For all you know it's a brick wall, or something worse. What if there actually IS a real child behind the cardboard ?? The fact that the car doesn't stop at the sight of any object in front of it is already a failure of massive proportions.

[matthewtalbot-paine]

I don't care if the child is real or fake I don't want my car ploughing into objects in the road.

[bobfk]

It kills me when the car slows down and then, after some thought, proceeds to plow under the child.
"Damn kid had too slow reflexes. That's Darwin."

[CptFUNK]

I'm an engineer that works at a major engine manufacturer in north west Missouri with a name that starts with a 'K'. We use automation for stationary machines, and we have floor cleaners that are fully autonomous. The only reason these things function over time is because we have a dedicated maintenance budget and team full of people smarter than the middle of the IQ bell curve. Without this, we wouldn't make engines, as electrical components fail even in a clean and controlled environment.

The average American neglects maintenance on their vehicle simply due to cost or ignorance. Any electrical sensor component necessary for a self driving car to function can and will fail, and the owner can and will neglect maintenance past the point of failure. The wear and tear a vehicle sees is far and above what our machines see inside a plant. A lot of people will be driving heavily depreciated cars that USED to be able to drive themselves that are cost prohibitive to repair, much like the constant-on check engine light that many cars have for some superfluous sensor that nonetheless deactivates cruise control when it's malfunctioning.

Automation is no the solution to all our problems, and it shouldn't be our god.

[alemar]

I live in a rural area (no sidewalks) so I always have to turn off my Lane assist, because if I steer to try and avoid pedestrians on the side of the road, the car will sense I'm getting too close to the centerline and actually attempt to steer me into the people I'm trying to avoid.

It also likes to see shadows as lane lines and will freak out sometimes on a specific patch of road thinking i'm actively driving myself into the ditch

[michigandon]

4:19 "Make big bucks letting your Tesla work as a robotaxi!"...until it rolls back into your driveway one Saturday morning full of puke, piss, spilled beer, cigarette burns and Lord only knows what else!

[techhead]

The worse issue than "detect a stop sign in the rain" is all the stuff that's intermittently on roads, much of which is not supposed to be there but also outside of human control. Not just pedestrians, but wildlife (esp. deer), downed trees or branches, downed *power lines*, other debris, road construction, etc. Cars and road signs are relatively easy to spot (which makes failure of a FSD system to do so an embarrassment), all that other stuff is gonna get much harder

[pilotracoon]

The Tesla thought about it for a second and then said "I don't like this child!"

[alexanderbrady]

Two issues with your "boids" tangent.

(1) A fully separate, self-driving lane (that would need a physical barrier to be meaningful) adds a TON of cost just to cater to what is currently a tiny segment of the population.

(2) There actually is a set of "roads" designed to carry almost-autonomous vehicles that communicate with each other through a central system and are designed for minimal human oversight with hardly any computer code at all. It is called TRAINS!

[grama]

Self driving car where you have to be in the driver's seat at all times ready to intervene at any given moment? Greatest thing since sliced bread if you still had to pry the pieces of bread apart with a knife.

[gsogymrat]

I finished my free month of FSD on my Tesla Model 3 and learned babysitting a computer is not my idea of fun. I enjoy driving cars and motorcycles. I hope completely autonomous vehicles are perfected in the future but there is a long way to go.