FIGHT CLUB and Toxic Masculinity with guest Gabe Kapler

Licensed therapist Jonathan Decker and filmmaker Alan Seawright are joined by Gabe Kapler, manager of the San Francisco Giants, to discuss how men's mental health, toxic masculinity, and more are explored in Fight Club.

Support us!

Cinema Therapy is:
Written by: Megan Seawright, Jonathan Decker, and Alan Seawright
Produced by: Jonathan Decker, Megan Seawright, and Alan Seawright
Director of Photography: Bradley Olsen
English Transcription by: Anna Preis
Spanish Transcription by: Juan Willems

[camdenbaucke]

A great line from a fellow therapist was “a child benefits from a great amount of discipline, which needs to be matched and overwhelmed by a great amount of love.”

[Kittykatkits]

As someone who has had to wake up and have breakfast after an assault, that breakfast tasted like ash. It tasted like I was going to be attacked again and could die at any moment.

[Kiki-csxv]

As a simple summary: you can't threaten someone into achieving their dream.

You can inspire with your example. You can challenge someone with tough but achievable steps. But you can't make someone do better by giving them a "be better or die" ultimatum.

[jfranklin]

As a teenager I never questioned the grocery store scene. As an adult. Having faced threats of violence before, although thankfully not to the degree shown in the film. It just comes across as naive and frankly shallow. Getting mugged didn't give me any greater appreciation of life or help me achieve my goals. It just made me nervous around people. The damage an experience like that could do, would probably be something that charicter would struggle with for years.

[woogha]

I was recently assaulted at my work. The broke my hand, tossed me around like a rag doll and shattered my sense of safety and self worth. I lost my job as a result. It was my passion. And in an instant everything was gone. I still can't enjoy things 3 months later. I don't sleep. I have constant nightmares about the assault or about the people in my life discarding me because I'm not as useful as I used to be. The pain meds for my broken hand caused a psychological break.

They finally got the guy. But my breakfast still isn't beautiful.

[TheMomphoenix]

The veterinary guy would end up terrified, deeply in debt feeling as if he always has to be in classes he didn't have the money for, and looking over his shoulder for someone who's going to decide he should die. Thinking that threatening someone into chasing their dreams is going to be a net positive isn't just naive, it dismisses all the things that put the guy in the convenience store to begin with.

[battery]

The insperation behind writing the book is so fascinating.
The writer was beaten up on a vacation, and when he returned to work, no one asked him why he had bruises on his face. No one wanted to create a connection with him. He became fascinated with this idea about connections, and that's what got hum started with writing Fight Club.

[nomisunrider]

I like how everyone who has ever worked minimum wage is teaming up to defend Raymond here. And I’m glad for that woman who spoke to Gabe and explained why this scene was so terrifying. All I can see is violation, the way that this man’s life will be lived in fear from now on, frantically trying to please some unseen murderer rather than choosing for himself. He’s going to throw up his breakfast tomorrow thinking about how his life and choices have been taken from him, and it will be years before he regains his sense of self.

[MsFlyingSnake]

I love that in the book****spoilers for the book ending***, instead of being dragged there against her will, Marla shows up at the end with a group of people from all of their support groups as an intervention because she recognized that he was at a turning point where he would accept help. It ends with him in an institution, exchanging letters with her.

[ElleKelsheimer]

RE: The convenience store worker scene- I read once about a couple that was mauled and very nearly killed by a bear. One of them considered his survival as a new chance at life and was super grateful, while the other was paralyzed by trauma and plunged into a impenetrable depression. It kind of goes to show you that people can have a very broad range of reactions to near-death experiences.

[ashleyalexandermorris]

With the “how does his breakfast taste” scene I’d think that the man would feel trapped, traumatized, and stressed out. We don’t know why he stopped school and him going through a near death experience doesn’t get rid of his barriers—they just make them more urgent to overcome. So he may or may not overcome those things but is he even going to be able to appreciate what he’s doing or will he constantly fear that man in the dark coming out to boogeyman him? I’d say Tyler sentenced that man to depression and pain no matter what.

[FiresCollide]

Another take on Tyler Durden's wardrobe: It's far more feminine than the Narrator's. He wears fur, mesh, women's clothes, robe, etc. So not only is Tyler Durden allowing the Narrator to get closer to his "masculinity, " but symbolically, his visuals are also saying that to be fully whole, the Narrator also needs to embrace femininity - or at least, not to dismiss and devalue it.

[Firegen]

Weaponise our unhappiness. Now that is an epic line. That is exactly why this channel rules. This film screams the challenge to it's watchers yet it's so many years on the sheer amount of quiet spaces of the internet that do just that.

[katisawriter]

I remember my husband and I reread the book and watched the movie. He turned to me and was like "oh wow this hits differently at 35" 🤣 same. Using our unhappiness against us is really relevant in the past 6 years. Oh man. So true.

[LittleHobbit]

_"The same boiling water that softens the potato hardens the egg."_
People are motivated by different things. Just because a death threat might have been seen as motivating to Tyler doesn't mean Raymond would respond to that motivation the same way. There may have been other factors as to why that guy didn't become a vet, factors that might not even be within his control, and now he's gotta worry about being murdered in 6 weeks because he didn't meet someone else's goals that they imparted to you via a traumatic experience. That breakfast would _very_ likely taste like shit.

[guciowitomski]

"Where is my mind" is actually a song about a guy who is swimming in the sea, sees a fish swimming near-by, freaks out and jumps out of the water. And is basically thinking to himself "what is wrong with me"

And by the way, that's a real life experience of the singer that inspired him to write the song.

[sydposting]

So glad you three are collaborating on this series. So many young people watch this movie and take away the wrong messages, simply because of how charismatic Tyler is. Hopefully these videos will reach folks like that and save them from a lot of mental hurt. 🤗

[grandsome]

10:35 Holy cow, I think most of us guys saw that scene as inspiring, we 'got' the point from Tyler's perspective. But in reality, we'd probably get PTSD from that kind of tough 'love'. That female friend is really sensible.

[thatonekidism]

The convenience clerk scene also interestingly ignores the expense of schooling on top of the expense of rent, food, etc. He very likely can't pursue that schooling because it just costs too much, no matter how much he MIGHT appreciate this new lease on life

[vagabond]

I remember when I was 19, I was seeing the school counselor in college because I was at the brink of academic probation.
When he asked me about what I felt the problem was, I told him I was just discontent with everything. I told him about my frustrations about how the things that society valued just didn’t make sense to me. That nothing felt worth working towards. I was only worth something if I had a career. As a non-confrontational and well-mannered young man, I always felt emasculated, unheard, and undervalued.

And then I told him how the times I only really felt alive was in my Taekwondo classes. When I was sparring, exchanging blows, fighting another person. Even if I got knocked around, was hurt, bleeding, it was something that always felt visceral and liberating to me. In those moments, the rest of the world just seemed to fall away and those moments made sense.

My counselor responded to my revelations saying, “Do you think it’s kind of like Fight Club?”

I looked at him and sincerely asked: “What’s Fight Club?”